mtd4249 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Hello ... I've never posted in this part of the site before (although when I was going through a breakup, I did post in that section) and - at the risk of sounding clueless when I ask my question later - I'm hoping to get some advice. About 2 months ago, I was matched to a female in America (I'm in Australia) through eHarmony. She is 37 years old (5 years younger than me) and a psychologist by profession. Be it her profession or otherwise, she's a clear and logical thinker -- she's emotionally mature, knows what she wants in life and a relationship. We talk on a regular basis about 4-5 times a week and we've had some good conversations to work out that we share the same values and goals in life. She's made it clear that the next 12 months are a time when she's going to face a lot of life-changing decisions and she's willing to move from America -- a lot will depend on whether she meets her life partner or not. Because of the time difference, I speak to her at night American time and I've said to her recently that I feel awkward just randomly making cotact with her since she often has work carried over from the day that she takes home. She even called me last Saturday from her work office at 9pm ... kind of gives an idea how hard she works! When I expressed how I don't want to interrupt her, she told me not to worry and that I could contact her anytime. Today she reiterated that and even told me that if I called at 4am she wouldn't mind .... I'm not convinced she means that literally (at least, if it became a pattern of behaviour I'm sure she would get irritated! lol), but what I read into this is that she is telling me that she doesn't want me to feel awkward about contacting her. Perhaps this is also a veiled way of telling me that contact with me is, in a sense, special ... unless she is inviting every guy to contact her at 4am! lol She has suggested that I should visit her and I'm seriously thinking about it for November. I sense that she wants to take this beyond online and into real life with possibly serious intentions .... recently, she said to me that I was creating a problem for her; I asked her how? She said, "not a bad problem ... but you are opening my heart"! Of course, I've had enough experience not to get carried away and to realise there's a long way to go - but the initial indicators seem to be good. We get along well, we seem to have a high level of compatibility, and we share the same values and goals as well as the same level of education. It would be wrong to say that I don't really like her - after the "call me anytime even at 4am" statement, it seems like the time to tell her that I could talk to her all day and I enjoy getting to know her better and that I appreciate her gesture of telling me it's okay to contact her even if she is busy. On the other hand, I don't want to overplay my hand .... yet, I'm someone who likes to express my feelings. Which brings me to my question .... should I email her and tell her how I feel? What should I tell her that won't scare her off? lol
jennifer4 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 You're correct to assume she likes you! I would talk to her over the phone about it. I personaly would love a man to express his feelings to me that way. The man I'm in a long distance "relationship" with isn't too emotional so it's tough. I say go for it, tell her how you feel and getting there in person is KEY. You have to see if that chemistry is there in person, good luck to you. Sounds very promising for you.
Author mtd4249 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Hi Jennifer ... thanks for taking the time to reply. I hope telling her how I feel won't seem like I'm saying too much, too soon and scare her off ...but it's hard for me not to express my feelings! I've never had a long-distance relationship before and never thought I'd even contemplate it ... relationships are complex enough and the distance only adds another factor. I hope that your relationship works out the way you want it to.
oldguy Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Absolutely, when it comes to feelings, any feelings, do it as close to 'in person' as possible. Over the phone is much better than the written word. And yes, the statement she made about, 'opening her heart' was a sure sign
Author mtd4249 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Thanks, oldguy .... I appreciate you taking the time to post.
jennifer4 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 thank you. I've never done the long distance thing before either. Its soo difficult and I havent met the guy I'm talking to yet either. Hope to soon, it's just a waiting game now. But expressing your feelings is so important, even if you might think its too soon, better to let her know you care than have her wondering.
Author mtd4249 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Hi Jennifer ... it's good to know I'm not alone in playing a whole new ball game with this long distance thing! lol I guess my problem might be expressing my feelings to her too much if things get serious ... so probably best to let her know what she's in for! Can I ask, from your experience with this guy and having not met him yet, was it long before you felt something for him?
jennifer4 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 well with us, we began as friends and he had a gf at the time, after they broke up maybe 3 months later we began flirty messages thru email and text and in about 2 months or so of daily text, and phone calls 2-3 days a wk i wanted more and began having feelings. he's saying he feels the same but isnt as open w expressing his feelings, which is tough, he hasnt been to visit yet and it's been almost 5 months. i'm getting impatient.
jennifer4 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 and when you talk to her and if/when she expresses the same, please dont wait to go visit her. my guy isnt showing any sense of urgency in meeting me and it drives me crazy at times
Author mtd4249 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Thanks, Jennifer. The other day she recommended I come in October or November because December she intends to go visit family for Christmas and things with her work will be busy in the lead up. I told her I would go there to meet her ... I also invited her to visit me and would pay for it. I hope she knows that travelling from Australia to America to see her is a fair statement that I'm serious if she is .... I hope it's not a waste of time. But only one way to find out!! I hope your guy gets into gear for you ...... take care
jennifer4 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 well it looks like you already know how she feels. I hope it works out for you, i'm hoping mine does too obviously : ) thanks you take care too.
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