Lostinlife4now Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Things that keep a man happy: IMO Great sex...... Great food...... Great listener..... Great friend........ Whore in the bedroom, a lady in the parlor, a chef in the kitchen...!!
OpenBook Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Things that keep a man happy: IMO Great sex...... Great food...... Great listener..... Great friend........ Whore in the bedroom, a lady in the parlor, a chef in the kitchen...!! Yes, but is that enough to keep him faithful? I used to believe so, but the older I get the more I doubt it. Not so sure there's anything a woman can do to keep her H or SO from cheating, somewhere down the road. Men can do loyalty pretty well. But (sexually) faithful? Generally, no. Not over the long haul.
SoMovinOn Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Yes, but is that enough to keep him faithful? I used to believe so, but the older I get the more I doubt it. Not so sure there's anything a woman can do to keep her H or SO from cheating, somewhere down the road. Just as there as nothing a man can do to keep his W from cheating. People cheat because they choose to. Accurate stats will never be available, but, it's probably somewhere around 50% of all married people cheat at some point in their marriage. I think people would have a much easier time dealing with that reality of they didn't cling so tightly to the fairy tale romance fantasy of their spouse always being faithful, loving only them, and living happily ever after. It almost never happens, yet, so many people are devastated when it doesn't because they were entirely clueless to the reality that it likely will never happen. Men can do loyalty pretty well. But (sexually) faithful? Generally, no. Not over the long haul. True. They are exactly like women in that respect. It's a human thing.
beenburned Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I've read those same stats, but I wish they would break it down into more details. Such as, if 50% of all married people have cheated at SOME point in their life: How many are serial cheaters? What are the percentages of occurances within the 50%? What are the percentages of brief short term flings vs long term affairs? And what most people don't realize is, even if half of all married people do cheat at some point in their life, that still leaves the same amount of all married people that have never cheated!
carhill Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Would people who were unfaithful lie on the survey to preserve the 'box' they've created in their mind regarding the emotional impact of admitting their unfaithfulness, even anonymously, if they've preserved the appearance of faithfulness in everyday life? I think such a skewing of results in that direction is far more likely than in the other direction, where faithful people lie and say they're unfaithful. I personally know enough statistical data points who would skew the results, if only in a tiny way, to ask the question. My data point is openly unfaithful, was not happy in the M, did not reconcile and did divorce. Definitely not a 'simple-minded' male, by any stretch of the definition. It takes far more than 'helmet and a little understanding' to retain my love in an intimate relationship. As my exW said, 'abnormal'. Proud of it, though absolutely not proud of the affair. Carry on.
Spark1111 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Great thread East! The CDC did a survey on the physical health fallout after divorce and discovered a man's mortality rate increases by 400% following divorce! There is no correlating data for women following divorce. So I do agree that men love having a warm and loving cave to return to at the end of the day. Sex and admiration and some home-cooking. Women love emotionally connecting, words of affirmation, and feeling "first" in her man's mind and heart - romantic attention! Men tend to go on automatic pilot after a few years. Because they are happy, they assume she must be too. When she nags him for "more," he hates that in that he feels she is not pleased with him (not admired) and he shuts down. She will eventually stop nagging for what she wants and he will breathe a sigh of relief, thinking, see, she IS happy with me. Big mistake! When she stops communicating her emotional needs, she is heading dangerously close to the dreaded "ILYBINILWY." Walkaway Wives...the newest phenomenon of western civilized culture being studied by sociologists, pscyhs and anthropologists.
Spark1111 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Haha! Which reminds me of some often-touted study done in the early '90s' that actually discovered the smarter the woman, the harder she was to please sexually. Imagine that? Smart, resourcesful women actually expressing that the typical male expression of sexuality did not please them. Like Dr. Phil has tried to educate the masses: Porn is made by men for men. If you think that is the way to please a woman, you are terribly misguided. Man, start to finish, averages 7 minutes. A woman? 21 minutes. "Sooooo, what do you plan to do with those other 14 minutes?":laugh:
Author East7 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Haha! Which reminds me of some often-touted study done in the early '90s' that actually discovered the smarter the woman, the harder she was to please sexually. Imagine that? Smart, resourcesful women actually expressing that the typical male expression of sexuality did not please them. Maybe because smart women have higher expectations. Also there is another phenomena : the more the woman is the boss in a relationship, the less she will be sexually satified. Actually men who are too much controlled by women tend to loose a part of their manhood thus performing dull sex. Women, please let the man be the MAN at home
SoMovinOn Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 And what most people don't realize is, even if half of all married people do cheat at some point in their life, that still leaves the same amount of all married people that have never cheated! If all marriages involve 2 people, and 50% of married people cheat, it's possible cheating is involved in 100% of all marriages.
SoMovinOn Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Man, start to finish, averages 7 minutes. A woman? 21 minutes. "Sooooo, what do you plan to do with those other 14 minutes?":laugh: Simple math problem. 7x3=21 One woman, three men, problem solved.
Linda9999 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 If all marriages involve 2 people, and 50% of married people cheat, it's possible cheating is involved in 100% of all marriages. I was going to say the same thing. I also take all those 'facts' with a grain of salt.
SoMovinOn Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I was going to say the same thing. I also take all those 'facts' with a grain of salt. How's that saying go? ... there are lies, damn lies and statistics ...
findingnemo Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 This might not be popular but, I think men tend to be happier in marriage and women less so, because men put forth less energy and effort into the marriage than women do. As breadwinners, this is where the majority of their effort goes --but this is something they would be doing with or without the marriage. It is the same reason that affairs are often lopsided too --women put more energy and effort into the deal. More head space too. Many men would automatically say they are happy in the M even when they are not. A perfect stranger is unlikely to get a factual reponse about the state of a man's M. Ego could account for why men seem to report higher levels of hapiness than women. Women find it easier to be open because it is almost accepted that women suffer more in marriage. At least that's the case in my neighbourhood.
carrie999 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Single men want to be married and married men want to be single Nobody said we were smart LOL! Great quote. I think there's something to that, too. From my own POV growing up, divorced women either hit the singles scene but didn't remarry for years, or dated sporadically and focused more on their kids and cultivating new interests and friendships. Divorced dads I knew often remarried within a few years.
Spark1111 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Simple math problem. 7x3=21 One woman, three men, problem solved. Haha! But if it is 3 men, zeroing on three spots, and we still wind up with wham, bam, thank you ma'am, I'm still bored to tears darlin'!
carrie999 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 This might not be popular but, I think men tend to be happier in marriage and women less so, because men put forth less energy and effort into the marriage than women do. As breadwinners, this is where the majority of their effort goes --but this is something they would be doing with or without the marriage. It is the same reason that affairs are often lopsided too --women put more energy and effort into the deal. More head space too. I can see why this would be a very unpopular idea, but I think this is true of many relationships. It's certainly true for me, and seems to be the case for so many unhappily married couples. You would think this would be more antiquated than it is, but it's not. Fifty years ago, women were unfulfilled because they were pretty much expected to take on the wife/mother role, and many women felt unsatisfied for a number of reasons. I won't go into the beginning of the feminist movement. Suffice it to say that women wanted options outside of the home, even if they wanted to have a family. Now, most of us are trying to juggle it all. That's not the problem...while it's not a trivial undertaking to be a great wife/mother/career woman, the problem is that we still assume too much of the burden. Men today not only appreciate, but often expect an equal partner in terms of intellect and even financial potential. Many have been cultivated by their mothers and their upbringings in modern society to also expect to split the household duties 50/50. But many women seem driven to be "perfect" at everything. I'm pretty young, and grew up in a very feminist (not "femi-Nazi") environment. My ideal marriage is one that divided the responsibilities. I had this once. My SO and I were in high-pressure situations. Some weeks he worked 80-100 hours, and other weeks I did. We shifted between doing the cooking and cleaning and laundry and repairs. It was nice. Too bad that relationship didn't work. In most other relationships, I've found that I somehow manage to take it all on myself. I didn't think I'd ever be driven to "please a man," and I don't think that's what it is. It's the perfectionist that takes over. I need to manage the household and take care of him, while excelling in my own career. I need to do it all, and do it well. That's why I'm not blaming men, or anyone for this. I see it in a lot of extremely smart and incredibly nurturing women I know. Yet it's hard to step back and realize we're not fulfilled because not only are we trying to balance being great at too much, but most men have it right: they're content striking a balance between work and home, even if it's lopsided.
SoMovinOn Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Haha! But if it is 3 men, zeroing on three spots, and we still wind up with wham, bam, thank you ma'am, I'm still bored to tears darlin'! I figured out how to get you some more time. I have no idea how to make men smart.
SoMovinOn Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 ...but most men have it right: they're content striking a balance between work and home, even if it's lopsided. It's not only balance, it's also perspective. Speaking generally, women seem more often to be bothered by things than men. Many men seem to be good at the idea of changing the things they can, and not worrying about the things they can't change, whereas many women seem to take every problem onto themselves and hold on to it, and if they can't do anything about it, at the very least, they can stress themselves to death over it. I would bet this is a source of much discourse in many marriages - in her eyes, he doesn't take things seriously enough - in his eyes, she worries too damn much.
Got it Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Maybe because smart women have higher expectations. Also there is another phenomena : the more the woman is the boss in a relationship, the less she will be sexually satified. Actually men who are too much controlled by women tend to loose a part of their manhood thus performing dull sex. Women, please let the man be the MAN at home And I would counter, then, that men need to MAN up and actually show that they should be the man in the home. Just having the twig and berries hanging between one's legs does not a Man make.
carrie999 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 It's not only balance, it's also perspective. Speaking generally, women seem more often to be bothered by things than men. Many men seem to be good at the idea of changing the things they can, and not worrying about the things they can't change, whereas many women seem to take every problem onto themselves and hold on to it, and if they can't do anything about it, at the very least, they can stress themselves to death over it. I would bet this is a source of much discourse in many marriages - in her eyes, he doesn't take things seriously enough - in his eyes, she worries too damn much. That makes sense. Though I find men have a hard time accepting what they can't change, they generally are more capable of admitting it's futile and compartmentalizing it as such.
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