beefolive Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Hi Guys, Split up with gf of two years about 7 weeks ago. We work together and the stress of work caused me to take my work life home to my personal life. I realised my mistakes and i have started trying to improve myself already. Little things that she/i didnt like about myself that will make me a better person. Since we have come back to work things have been good with us. She acts like nothing has happened and is best of friends with me at school. However if i try to ask her about us or discuss anything outwith school she brushes it under the table. The thing is, by coincidence as we broke up she moved to a new flat with a new flatmate, went on holiday and got some new friends. All of which are very exciting for her. She hasnt/wont give herself time to deal with things or even acknowledge them. I mean surely no one can keep this up?..or is it her coping strategy. I mean ive written her a letter and sent her some texts and emails. As they were about us she ignored them. If i say or ask anything general she answers. I move jobs next week and she knows exactly how i feel. I dont know what else i can do to show her how much i care because i do, she is amazing and i didnt fully appreciate her. However i cant keep putting myself through the mill trying to show her and tell how much i care. I need to move on myself. What do you suggest?...I guess i have to make her miss me. Any thoughts and suggestions welcome please.
TheDovic Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Dude you DON'T keep showing her you care about her! I'm learning this at the minute with my ex who broke up with me just over 2 months ago. Here's the reason... Breakups are all about power (this is a sad fact, but true nonetheless). Initially the dumper has all the power and knows if she clicks her fingers you'll come running so this puts her in the mindset of "I can go and do whatever I want, and if it doesn't work out I'll have my ex waiting in the wings." I did the same thing you were doing with a girlfriend of a few years ago, plus most of the guys on this site are doing the same thing and guess what??? All their ex's are running in the other direction. I'm not claiming to be an expert on this subject but I think I'm a bit closer to getting my ex back than most because of how I've handled this. See I read every ex back book I could get and every one of them tells you the more you beg, tell her you love her, promise to change and apologise the more you look like a wuss, and women AREN'T attracted to wusses! What you need to do is REATTRACT her, not beg her. The more you do these wussy things the easier her decision to leave you is going to be because she will keep losing attraction and eventually there will be none left! Now as I advise most guys in our situation, read David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice" and "Double your dating." Both very cheap to buy on Amazon but you will need to download the "Kindle" app if you don't have an ereader. These two books simply tell you what is attractive to women and what is unattractive. It will also tell you how to be this attractive guy (there are no tricks!) Ok, so the reason I believe this guy is because since I've read his stuff my ex has changed from being cold and distant (like yours) to initiating contact 2/3 times per week. In the past 3 weeks she has asked to see me 6 times. I didn't play her game so last night (as you'll see in my post today) she made an excuse to call to see me. When I let her she forgot all about her excuse and hugged me, told me she missed me and wanted to be in my life and cried 8 times within the space of 30 mins. I don't know if she's coming back dude, but I'm sure you'd rather be in my situation than yours at present. Questions?
B_55 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Dude you DON'T keep showing her you care about her! I'm learning this at the minute with my ex who broke up with me just over 2 months ago. Here's the reason... Breakups are all about power (this is a sad fact, but true nonetheless). Initially the dumper has all the power and knows if she clicks her fingers you'll come running so this puts her in the mindset of "I can go and do whatever I want, and if it doesn't work out I'll have my ex waiting in the wings." I did the same thing you were doing with a girlfriend of a few years ago, plus most of the guys on this site are doing the same thing and guess what??? All their ex's are running in the other direction. I'm not claiming to be an expert on this subject but I think I'm a bit closer to getting my ex back than most because of how I've handled this. See I read every ex back book I could get and every one of them tells you the more you beg, tell her you love her, promise to change and apologise the more you look like a wuss, and women AREN'T attracted to wusses! What you need to do is REATTRACT her, not beg her. The more you do these wussy things the easier her decision to leave you is going to be because she will keep losing attraction and eventually there will be none left! Now as I advise most guys in our situation, read David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice" and "Double your dating." Both very cheap to buy on Amazon but you will need to download the "Kindle" app if you don't have an ereader. These two books simply tell you what is attractive to women and what is unattractive. It will also tell you how to be this attractive guy (there are no tricks!) Ok, so the reason I believe this guy is because since I've read his stuff my ex has changed from being cold and distant (like yours) to initiating contact 2/3 times per week. In the past 3 weeks she has asked to see me 6 times. I didn't play her game so last night (as you'll see in my post today) she made an excuse to call to see me. When I let her she forgot all about her excuse and hugged me, told me she missed me and wanted to be in my life and cried 8 times within the space of 30 mins. I don't know if she's coming back dude, but I'm sure you'd rather be in my situation than yours at present. Questions? And the best part is, even if this backfires and she doesn't want to come back to you. You'll be a more confident man, and make getting over her much easier. If she comes back or not, at lest you will get over her with dignity.
TheDovic Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 And the best part is, even if this backfires and she doesn't want to come back to you. You'll be a more confident man, and make getting over her much easier. If she comes back or not, at lest you will get over her with dignity. Very true! Well said
EgoJoe Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 To Everyone posting in and reading in this Thread: I'm coming to a more and more comfortable stand point that all of this power struggle stuff is really pointless in the end until you utilize this knowledge to create safe and fair boundaries for yourself in your relationships with others. I think that whether they are romantic or platonic this kind of thinking will serve us all better. To the OP: She is avoiding all topics that contain any sort of emotional attachment for a reason. She is not divulging this reason and while it may be possible for you to dial down and theorize logical reasons as to why. It does not serve your ends other than to facilitate a goal that you need to outline for yourself. I am thinking you need space for perspective and she does as well. Go no contact to heal and gain perspective not just to play attraction games.
Author beefolive Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 The story took an interesting twist yesterday at work. I was in her room chatting away and she was talking about her weekend and how strange it is that we dont do anything together anymore. She was on her phone and sent a text...it was meant to be to her flatmate but she sent it to me instead. It basically said she was excited to see her new guy this weekend and she hoped he could still make it up. She met him on holiday blah blah and lives the other side of the country so 12 hours away by car. Now ive acted like i didnt get that text. What should i do?, make her aware of it or just act like normal and try to move on. I dont know why she hasnt just told me herself...perhaps trying to protect me or just cowardly. Anyway i have 4 days left at work before i leave and i m not sure how to act/be with her. This is afterall a girl who i adore and spent two years with. I dont know how she can move on so quick and maybe explains why she wont deal with any issues regarding us
TheDovic Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Real coincidence she sent it to you! Seriously dude, how often these days do you send a message to the wrong person? She's looking for a response, but you must not give it to her! You are much cooler and more attractive if nothing phases you i.e. she knows she's sent you this message, but instead of bringing it up, getting angry or ignoring her (cos then she's got her reaction) act INDIFFERENT! The fact that she's done this (and believe me, she's done it on purpose) means she still has feelings for you and wants to know you're waiting in the wings if the other guy doesn't work out. If I haven't told you already get either of David DeAngelo's books and change the dynamic in this relationship. Also read the advice I gave Big-Guy on his thread a few mins ago. It might help you too
antz2411 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 my ex came back begging... you know what worked. i started not giving a shyyt about her what she was doing who she was with or were the hell she may be. i did this because i really didnt give a damn. i realized a woman who dumps me wants no part of me so why would i want any part of her? after a month of not speaking to her and ignoring her texts and calls she finally shows up at my house begging... why? because shes stupid and stupid people do stupid shyyt.. am i back with her? yes and on my terms! she showed no fear of losing me so i showed her the same thing back.
TheDovic Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 my ex came back begging... you know what worked. i started not giving a shyyt about her what she was doing who she was with or were the hell she may be. i did this because i really didnt give a damn. i realized a woman who dumps me wants no part of me so why would i want any part of her? after a month of not speaking to her and ignoring her texts and calls she finally shows up at my house begging... why? because shes stupid and stupid people do stupid shyyt.. am i back with her? yes and on my terms! she showed no fear of losing me so i showed her the same thing back. Dude that is seriously the best post I've read on this site!!! Genius effort from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author beefolive Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Thanks guys, Turns out, up until now ive done everything that i probably shouldnt have trying to get her back or show her she was wrong. The thing is, she dumped me and doesnt want to be part of my life. Its time i stopped caring and got on with things, i mean ive been a mess and she probably knew she could get me back at any point. No more texts or emails and when i see her in work for my last 4 days im not going to bother. Ill be civil but nothing else. Then perhaps when im gone and the excitement of this holiday guy wears off, she may try and contact me. Who knows
TheDovic Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Thanks guys, Turns out, up until now ive done everything that i probably shouldnt have trying to get her back or show her she was wrong. The thing is, she dumped me and doesnt want to be part of my life. Its time i stopped caring and got on with things, i mean ive been a mess and she probably knew she could get me back at any point. No more texts or emails and when i see her in work for my last 4 days im not going to bother. Ill be civil but nothing else. Then perhaps when im gone and the excitement of this holiday guy wears off, she may try and contact me. Who knows Yeh but she's also used to you calling, texting and emailing. When this stops she'll think about it! Promise you that, but when you get your chance you gotta play it right dude. Learn the stuff I recommended and give it your best shot
Daremo_06 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Keep this in mind. The new guy is either from G.I.G.S. or rebound. He wont last. If she's a gigs girl, then your better off staying away, at least until she is out of that phase of her life. (also look up the G.I.G.S. post here describing it so you understand) If he is rebound, then ignore his existence cause he doesn't matter. At all. Work on you. Go to the gym. Start doing those things you had been putting off. Get the stuff Dovic suggested from Dave DeAngelo and also look at some of his other stuff. I have been through his Deep Inner Game and that's a really good program for guys in general. Right now you have given her your power. When you start to take your power, your energy back YOU feel better. What's even better is she will realize it the second she is near you again.
Author beefolive Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Even though she seems to have replaced me with him and her new flatmate.... When im gone from work and her life totally will she think about it and miss me? Its like she isnt letting herself deal with things at the moment. She seems to have moved on so quickly I just wonder if i walk away whether she will ever come after me
geegirl Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 If you want her to notice you, then dissappear. Don't chase her, don't beg her, don't do anything that is showing her that you are pining or still stuck on her because a man that behaves that way is unattractive to a woman. Focus on you and keeping NC and recovering, and if she comes back by then, you might not even want her back but if you do, you'll have at least gained some mental clarity as to how to make it work the second time around based on mutual terms.
Author beefolive Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 That seems to be the message from all..Leave her alone and if she wants to come back to me or even beggin to miss me then she will. I can understand that as how can you miss something thats always there. In my head though, i dont see it happening, she has shown little or no regard for me outwith work. She wont discuss or relationship and anything other than idol chit chat is brushed under the table from her. She has this new guy to focus on so i dont even know if she will be missing me. She seems to have this ability to show no emotion, will she even be thinking of me at all?
Author beefolive Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated
silly_panda Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 beefolive... Whether she will think of you or not... No one will know other than her... So there is no point worrying... Yes, she got a new guy for her to focus on... We don't really know why she is with this guy and what she see in him rite..? Maybe is to fill her void, cover her feelings for you, get over her pain... Or maybe she really like this guy... Doesn't matter if this is a rebound or not... Rebound does work sometimes... I'm not saying this to make you sad or what... Just for you to prepare for the worst case scenario... I'm kinda in the same situation as you... My ex girlfriend is now with a guy that she knew only 3days before our break up... 3days after our break up, she is in a relationship with him already... But just like everyone here said... Don't put your focus on her... Focus more on yourself... Live life like it was before you got into a relationship with your ex... If you decide to go NC and make her miss you... Then just do it... Don't think of how she will reach... But most importantly, NC is for you to heal and move on... You will know if she comes back to you... Good luck...
Author beefolive Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 Four more days of work with her before i can move on, or begin trying to!... Its tough but im not going to go out of my way to make an effort with her. I think thats for the best
barriob Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Yes, i am in the same situation. i want my ex to miss me but he is so used to me eventually texting him. and then he doesnt text back until he feels like it. any help?
Author beefolive Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 From my experience, Someone cant miss you if you are always there. Dont make the same mistakes as me. Give them a chance to miss you, in that time the advice seems to be concentrate on yourself. I guess whats meant to be wont pass you by.
harrisdo09 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 my ex came back to love me more than before and can now even sacrificed all he has for me. thanks to this site http://spiritualomoso.webs.com from UK that helped me in getting him back from a strange woman. if you don't mind you can contact them to help you out. so that she can miss you again and get back to you
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