aerogurl87 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 What was involved in your cheating? A one night stand or on going sex with someone else or no more than a kiss? It was a one night stand, hadn't met my now ex boyfriend in person at that point though. Not that that matters, cause it was still wrong and I still had to go through hell to get his trust back, was well worth it though.
Author shay9290 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 I will say it will take lots of time and space for him to heal from it. Took my ex almost 2 years to even want to trust me again after I cheated on him. So give him time and space and prove your worth with more actions and less words. yeah i just want him to trust me again
leoc1973 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 My ex cheated on me a couple years ago. Its really hard for a guy to get that out of their head. I guess it makes a guy insecure like was he better was he bigger how much did you enjoy it all that. With my ex she told me she cried right after and halfway through she couldn't think of anything but me and couldn't wait till it was over so she could get out of there and cry. I guess that made it a little easier for me. I am not by any means a jealous type of guy tho. It took me a couple of years of her just pretending that I was the only guy in the world. Here is what else my ex told me to do. She gave me a free pass to go out and sleep with a girl which I did not do anyways cause I loved her and only her I couldn't imagine being with another woman. Anyways it took me about a year and a half to get over it and actually forget it happened. She asked me if she could go to jamaica with her friends and I said yes cause I really thought she had learned her lesson and guess what she did it again. lol Good luck I feel for your boyfriend and I know everyone makes mistakes I read somewhere that something crazy like 80 something percent of marriages where the couple stays together till death have had an affair so its not like there is no coming back from this just make him feel like he is the only man in the world.
eleanorhurting Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Coming from someone who has been there unfortunately, you cant gain his trust back. I know that my boyfriend did the right thing in leaving me when this happened. And I feel like this changed me. I still struggle with forgiving myself even though i know he has long moved on and is fine. I beat myself up for months and I'm still not back to normal. I hope your ex is gracious enough to forgive you but the truth is maybe you need to learn from this experience. Don't let it mark you forever. You made a mistake. A very big one. You will pay the consequences and grow. Dont let it define who you are. Eventhough I sometimes feel like I have a big C on my chest, I know this experience changed me. Right now I may still feel like my self respect and self worth is nowhere near where it should be but since this happened I am much more considerate and caring. The person that I tried to date afterwards I applied everything I learned from my mistake and I was coming from a good place with a renwed heart. This allowed me to see mistakes and things that were wrong with me. Honestly I still miss my december ex and I worry I will never find someone like him. But I wish him the best and I know that good things will happen tom e in the future. It didnt happen with the next person I liked but it will happen. I think the best thing you can do is realize that you did something that you do not deserve to be taken back for, learn from it and make sure you NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN.
ASensitiveGuy Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I'm sorry to be so negative in this post, but I have to be totally honest, as someone who has been cheated on before, I wouldn't take someone back after they cheated. Yes they may be sorry, have regrets, but that trust and respect is gone. It's almost like stretching a rubber band until it snaps....you can try and glue or tape it back together, but it won't be the same. For me, when I got cheated on I had to ask a lot of questions...she apologized, begged, swore she would never do it again, etc.I realize I could have given her another chance, but at the same time I had to think "Okay, she cheated on me once. When she says she is going to go to work, or go to the store, or if I call her and can't get a hold of her, I'm going to wonder who she is with and if she is cheating again." I would much rather be with someone I can trust than be with someone I will alway be s having doubts on where she is really going or who she is with. The conclusion I came up with is (at least for me) once that trust is broken and the respect is gone, it can't be repaired. The way I see it is if she really loved me she wouldn't have cheated to begin with, so after I found out and she told me she loved me, that didn't mean much to me. That's why if a woman cheats on me she is out, no coming back, no second chances, etc. When my ex cheated on me, she cried and said "I know what I did was wrong and I will never do it again." I said "I'm glad you see the error of your ways and have learned from it. That will help you in your next relationship. Good luck". She kept asking why I wouldn't take her back, and I simply asked "Would you take you back?" I accepted her apology and have no ill feelings for her anymore, but at the same time I could have never taken her back because I would always be wondering who she is with. I don't want to be in a relationship like that. My best advice to you. You sound genuine and you sound like you have seen the error of your ways. I'll tell you the same thing I told my ex, that will be a good lesson learned for your next relationship. It's probably best to let this guy go because even if he takes you back, he will never have 100% trust in you and I think you (and he) would be better off finding someone where the trust and respect is there. I am glad you have the courage to admit it though. I applaud you for that and I applaud you for taking responsibility, that does say a lot. I do hope you will find a new guy and will be very happy, and most importantly, you've learned from this. Good luck!
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