shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I have mad a hug mistake and cheatd on my bf and now i regreat it!!! How will i gain his trust back can someone answer that im hurting inside cuz i no he still hurt i love him so much and dont wanna lose him i want everthing to back the way it was befor i told him that i cheated on him
Dark Phoenix Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 You probably will never get full trust from him after cheating. A relationship is like a glass vase or urn. Great memories and strong bonds will paint that urn with beautiful images, cheating or breaking trust of your partner will add cracks and missing pieces to that urn. You can try to repair the missing pieces and cracks but the scar will always be there.
Lucio Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 hi shay9290, as my mom always tell me when i was a kid, it takes a lifetime to build and maintain trust, but just one thing, one second to totally destroy it. the very bad news is, it will be extremely difficult for him to take u back if u had cheated. some women will take their guys back if they had cheated, because they tell themselves "it's ok for men to fool around, as long as he comes back to me". but i have not seen a similar level of frequency for this mindset among men. if he had always loved u more than himself, more than u love him, he might take u back if u begged, but i think the damage will still be there and he might still ask for "time and space" a few months later. panicking and crying will not help u. i can only tell u the first thing u need to do is to cut off contact from your "lover" a.k.a the other guy. and don't ever fall back to him. if even your shadows overlap ur bf will never trust u again. and slowly show ur bf that u are really sorry. don't do something like provoke him with pictures of other ppl etc. hopefully with time and immense sincerity from you, it will move heavens, and move him to forgive u. but u must be mentally prepared for what may come your way.
Rorschach64 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I assume he broke up with you, you probably begged and pleaded with him that he was making a mistake and that you loved him and would never ever do it again? Generic LS response if you have been dumped: Go no contact, work on what you did wrong in the relationship, and if he wants to be back with you he will let you know completely and upfront no bread crumb crap. WARNING: He may never come back and want to work on things, best to move on as he will never come back.
Author shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Me and my bf didnt break up we just been rocky and hes been saying thing that will bring up the cheating i cant say that i blam him but damn i just wanna get over this already!
Dark Phoenix Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Me and my bf didnt break up we just been rocky and hes been saying thing that will bring up the cheating i cant say that i blam him but damn i just wanna get over this already! Your intolerance to accepting the consequences to you cheating may be the downfall to your relationship. Undoubtedly you must have known there would be extreme consequences before, while, and after you committed the act. If I were you I would feel grateful that your bf hasn't pulled the plug on your relationship, at least not yet anyway. Him bringing up the fact that you cheated on him should be expected and that is one of the consequences that you will have to accept and live with.
Author shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 I guess u are right.....have u ever cheated
Dark Phoenix Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I guess u are right.....have u ever cheated No I have not, nor will I. Everyone makes mistakes. You've made yours, now you need to accept the effects that your actions have caused.
oldguy Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 You said you told him, I'm curious, why? Did you do it because you felt guilt & thought that by telling him it would somehow make YOU feel better or where you afraid he would find out & thought it would be better to tell him first? Short of becoming his door mat, you work on it everyday for as long as it takes. The the others are right, it wont ever be the same but that doesn't mean it can't be better someday.
Rorschach64 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Lucky you that he didn't toss you aside for this and yes you made a mistake, a big one at that, as he did cut you some slack you must appreciate him and you will probably have to bend over backwards for him to regain the trust and love you guys once had. Does that suck? Oh yeah it does but you know what if you really love him then you must accept the suck and work past it, through thick and thin.
Author shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Oldguy yes i told him and yes becuz i felt guilty and i cant lie he sees right threw me he new i was hiding something and i just couldnt keep the lie goinf... nor did i want to
Author shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Lucky you that he didn't toss you aside for this and yes you made a mistake, a big one at that, as he did cut you some slack you must appreciate him and you will probably have to bend over backwards for him to regain the trust and love you guys once had. Does that suck? Oh yeah it does but you know what if you really love him then you must accept the suck and work past it, through thick and thin. Rorschach64 man if some how we do get threw this never will i again
Rorschach64 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 You very may not well cheat ever again and that's why I believe in a second chance but it is just that a SECOND chance, not a third or fourth. So be happy your boyfriend had a deep love for you and consideration for the relationship, be so very happy for that, I wish my ex-fiancee had his quality in character. I really do hope you don't mistake his love for a weakness down the road and walk all over him. I wish you all the luck in the world getting past this with your boyfriend, it isn't going to be easy but you can do it I assure you of that just don't let your mistake consume you too.
Rorschach64 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Oldguy, Well hell, I wish I thought to ask her that, that is a very GOOD question!
Author shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Why did you cheat in him? Old man... thats the thing i really didnt have a reason we just was going threw alot and i felt like we was gonna break up anyway
Mack05 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Put yourself in his shoes. If he cheated how would you feel? I think he should leave you. In my eyes, you get one shot when it comes to cheating. I.E -> You cheat its over. I am very black and white when it comes to infidelity. One strike you out. If you put yourself in his shoes, everytime you go clubbing and get drunk he is going to feel uneasy. Everytime you come home late from the cinema, he will be wondering what you are doing. You have shattered the bond and trust of the relationship. I don't care how remorseful you are. You don't deserve a second chance. If you care/love for the guy, you should leave him go so that he can find someone he deserves. You are probably too selfish to do that, considering you stabbed the man you love in the back. I hope you leave him go and I hope you take this lesson and never repeat it to another person.
Author shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 You very may not well cheat ever again and that's why I believe in a second chance but it is just that a SECOND chance, not a third or fourth. So be happy your boyfriend had a deep love for you and consideration for the relationship, be so very happy for that, I wish my ex-fiancee had his quality in character. I really do hope you don't mistake his love for a weakness down the road and walk all over him. I wish you all the luck in the world getting past this with your boyfriend, it isn't going to be easy but you can do it I assure you of that just don't let your mistake consume you too. No i wont mistake his love for me or walk over him im going to love him more each and everyday and show him im that he can trust me again and i will never ever make a mistake like that thank u guys for the advice tho...hope yall dont think im a bad person!
oldguy Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 ...and you've never cheated on a bf before this?
Author shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 i would problely feel the same as him but damn u really think he should leave me i think everybody makes mistakes and learn from them....so u can say that u neverd cheated or made any type of mistake that u regreated?
Author shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 ...and you've never cheated on a bf before this? no i have not
Author shay9290 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Put yourself in his shoes. If he cheated how would you feel? I think he should leave you. In my eyes, you get one shot when it comes to cheating. I.E -> You cheat its over. I am very black and white when it comes to infidelity. One strike you out. If you put yourself in his shoes, everytime you go clubbing and get drunk he is going to feel uneasy. Everytime you come home late from the cinema, he will be wondering what you are doing. You have shattered the bond and trust of the relationship. I don't care how remorseful you are. You don't deserve a second chance. If you care/love for the guy, you should leave him go so that he can find someone he deserves. You are probably too selfish to do that, considering you stabbed the man you love in the back. I hope you leave him go and I hope you take this lesson and never repeat it to another person. damn u hurt my feelings but i cant blaM U IN A WAY
aerogurl87 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I will say it will take lots of time and space for him to heal from it. Took my ex almost 2 years to even want to trust me again after I cheated on him. So give him time and space and prove your worth with more actions and less words.
MIK1000 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I will say it will take lots of time and space for him to heal from it. Took my ex almost 2 years to even want to trust me again after I cheated on him. So give him time and space and prove your worth with more actions and less words. What was involved in your cheating? A one night stand or on going sex with someone else or no more than a kiss?
Recommended Posts