Tailor2000 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 What does it mean when your long time girlfriend, partner, fiancee or wife, keeps taking about the importance of friends? They keep taking about how you should make time for your friends, they should make time for theirs. They keep reminding you their friends were there first, her friends will always be her friends, and her friends will always be there for her as she keeps running to them first to deal with her issues. I've done everything I can think of to show that friends are important and that keeping friendships is vital. But if seeing her friends means I only spend one day a week with her, I think that is wrong. I've kept asking to see her friends and for her to see mine, but it seems so desperately impossible for her to really include me in her life and really be her partner. T
kevinandrew Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I loved my friends i like share my all meter with my friends, friends have not just enjoy eating, and going every where. Real friends help also difficult metter and painful situation and get help any situation.
Phantom24 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Very valid concern. There are certainly a couple ways to look at this. One way - it's not big deal. Allowing her to have time with her friends is important to her and you should be a good partner and never do anything to impede on that. Having avenues where you each can spend time with your group of friends shows a strong level of unselfishness as well as helping avoid getting sick of each other by spending too much time together. Another way - for you two to be happy you both gotta be getting what you want from this relationship. If it's all about her friends and you don't have enough time together, eventually it will take a toll (which it may already have). The fact that you guys aren't able to have gatherings with a group of friends as a couple is strange. Not sure why she has resistant towards that. I don't like to speculate, but sometimes people actually behave differently around different people. Maybe she doesn't want to have those 2 works collide? If you guys were somewhat new to dating and you she wasn't showing you off to her friends, then that would be an indication that you may not be her real boyfriend. That doesn't seem to apply here.
Author Tailor2000 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 thanks phantom. She is now my ex after splitting with me on Facebook. She seemed to be deathly afraid that I'd take her away from her friends, in her mind, that's what boyfriends do. She kept telling me what to do all the time and kept pushing me away telling me to go out and see friends instead of seeing her. It always felt like an uphill struggle to get to spend time with her, but I certainly didn't want to monopolise that time. She probably wasn't as resistant to us spending time with friends as much as she was resistive to us spending time alone. But she did act much differently around her friendx. Life and soul of the party. I think part of the problem was her self proclaimed independence and she had a real problem I think merging her two lifestyles. She had relationships before, but this was my first one. I found the process quite easy.
in_absentia Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Sounds to me that she was trying to hint that she wants to spend less time with you. Nothing wrong with that, unless you're not on the same page (1 day a week would not be enough for me either and if that was all I wanted to see of someone I'd have gone off them as a partner). I talk now and then about how amazing and important my friends are, how much I love them and how lucky I feel to have them in my life. But all I'm saying is, my world view has shifted a tiny bit this year since losing my mum to alcoholism and I'm feeling pretty passionate about the good things and people I'm fortunate enough to have in my life, now I lost someone who I didn't realise I would miss so much. Sorry to hear about the breakup dude, spend some time with the friends who love you, next time you get a relationship try gauging what sort of time your partner wants to spend with a partner in a relationship and compromise a little bit. Chances are she wasn't too desparate to throw her all into a relationship having done it a few times before and knowing when something is good or bad as opposed to just 'new', whereas maybe your mindset was more 'yay, finally!' and you appreciated it more.
Author Tailor2000 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks in_absentia. I think after I had met her for a couple of drinks, we quickly progressed into meeting each others families and to me things moved so flaming quick it was unbelievable. I felt we bypassed the dating stage which I really wanted to do, but happy enough if we were on the relationship path because it meant we wanted the same thing and I found someone who accepts me. It was my ex who proposed to me - on facebook of all things. I then ended up buying a ring and doing it properly. But she kept going on about her friends like I kept stopping her. I found it unacceptable being engaged to someone and not speaking to them until you wanted to go out one day and find you went out with her parents or that you couldn't take her out alone for a meal but she would go out by herself all the time. So as we weren't living together, I wanted her to text me a little more often so that we could be included in each others lives. The relationship felt less than a friendship, but had kissing.
norajane Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Wait, what??? You were engaged? But you only saw each other once a week? And you characterize this relationship as: The relationship felt less than a friendship, but had kissing. Dude, you need to SLOW DOWN and grow up. Never in a million years should the two of you have been engaged! That is CRAZY and INSANE and so f*cked up beyond belief.
Author Tailor2000 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 We saw each other more often than once a week, but I felt any less, and if she got her own way all the time, we'd only have one day a week between ourselves. She'd arrange to go out by herself with other couples or other single friends, and I'd argue that Im her partner and I should be going with her - within reason. We had three to four evenings free between ourselves to see each other, I had more free time than she did. But the time would be frequently taken up with courses, or seeing other friends, tiredness or sickness. I was actually OK with this for the most part and accepting, unless it came to a situation like she goes on holiday for a week, and instead of seeing me and going out for a meal, she prioritised one of her coffee groups that she can't live without. She blew that group off to meet other friends which just seemed like a slap in the face to me. I was uneasy about the speed too. I just wanted a dating relationship and take her out for meals. But within the first couple of weeks we were meeting each others families, grandparents, being invited down to see extended family. I thought fine, we obviously don't need the dating phase as she must really like me, we've gone straight for the relationship. She was the one who then proposed to me by changing her status on Facebook (a joke that went wrong) and I (gave her a get out clause and) suggested we make it real as we obviously want the same thing. So I went and got a ring.
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