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Wishing her nothing but happiness... should I do it?

Desensitized

By Desensitized
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Desensitized Established Member

Desensitized

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey everyone,

lately, i've been having this urge of contacting my ex-fiancee telling her that I hope she's doing well and that I hope life brings nothing but happiness for her. I don't know why I feel the urge to do this, but perhaps it has to do with the fact that when we broke up, things ended in a really bad manner. It was a really bad breakup. Anyway, even though I called things off (even though I never wanted to, but had to for certain reasons), should I contact her telling her that i hope university is going well for her and that I hope for nothing but success and happiness for her? I don't plan on receiving a reply and nor do I mind, it's just something I've been wanting to do lately. I've been dreaming of her every single night.

 

I don't think this means anything, but I no longer feel resentment towards her. I don't think I'm ready to be friends with her, but I do want to send this message. I don't know, what do you guys think? She was my best friend at one point...

 

edit: I forgot to add that I haven't talked to her in a really long time.

Edited by Desensitized
Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

Posted
Posted

Youre just looking to keep the connection alive, and you really are looking for a reply, even though you will deny it. Dont bother, it wont make you feel any better.

january2011 Established Member

january2011

Posted
Posted

If you really don't care about a reply, visualise the message instead of sending it in an email or text. Picture her walking away from you and you waving her off, wishing her well. It might help to even say the words. Perhaps something along the lines of, "X, I let you go and wish you happiness."

 

It might seem a little wacky and 'out there' but sometimes we need to have these visualisations in our head so that we can acknowledge that this is the path we've chosen and a decision has been made to let go. Saying and hearing the words can help to reinforce this.

Lucio Established Member

Lucio

Posted
Posted

if u haven't talked to her in a really long time,

she prob doesn't need this message.

the only scenario i can think of that she might need it,

is if she were the one who let u done, and had been living in guilt forever.

 

but u said u were the one who called things off...

 

if this is making u lose sleep, and u know u must text her this or u will flip even in ur grave 50 years later, go ahead. don't drag any longer.

but u have to know it most likely won't change anything on her end. it's more for u to get a closure.

Rorschach64 Established Member

Rorschach64

Posted
Posted

Once again Lucio is the one to listen to, if you absolutely think this will bring you closure then go for it, as the dumpee of my ex-fiancee I did this letter business because she ended things so very horribly and suggested the last time we talked about the relationship that I spill my hatred for her now if I had any, which was odd to me but made me think she thought I hated her.

 

Though I hope you recognize the possible emotions you might instill in her, for example, she might think you are looking to get back together, revive lost feelings of depression/anger/confusion, might thank you for it plus/minus be happy to hear from you, and/or she may not even give two craps about it.

 

Please be considerate of that.

snug.bunny Established Member

snug.bunny

Posted
Posted

If the break-up was as bad as you say it was, her last image of you probably isn't a good one. In which case, she most likely wouldn't welcome the warm wishes, especially if you haven't spoken to each other in a long time.

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Desensitized Established Member

Desensitized

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If you really don't care about a reply, visualise the message instead of sending it in an email or text. Picture her walking away from you and you waving her off, wishing her well. It might help to even say the words. Perhaps something along the lines of, "X, I let you go and wish you happiness."

 

It might seem a little wacky and 'out there' but sometimes we need to have these visualisations in our head so that we can acknowledge that this is the path we've chosen and a decision has been made to let go. Saying and hearing the words can help to reinforce this.

this is actually really good advice, thank you.

if u haven't talked to her in a really long time,

she prob doesn't need this message.

the only scenario i can think of that she might need it,

is if she were the one who let u done, and had been living in guilt forever.

 

but u said u were the one who called things off...

 

if this is making u lose sleep, and u know u must text her this or u will flip even in ur grave 50 years later, go ahead. don't drag any longer.

but u have to know it most likely won't change anything on her end. it's more for u to get a closure.

I don't need closure, I got it already. I would be wishing her happiness and success because I want to. That's it. But on second thought, I am going to take January2011's advice.

Once again Lucio is the one to listen to, if you absolutely think this will bring you closure then go for it, as the dumpee of my ex-fiancee I did this letter business because she ended things so very horribly and suggested the last time we talked about the relationship that I spill my hatred for her now if I had any, which was odd to me but made me think she thought I hated her.

 

Though I hope you recognize the possible emotions you might instill in her, for example, she might think you are looking to get back together, revive lost feelings of depression/anger/confusion, might thank you for it plus/minus be happy to hear from you, and/or she may not even give two craps about it.

 

Please be considerate of that.

Yeah, I was thinking about the emotions she would probably experience if I were to send that. But anywho, I'm not sending anything.
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Yeah, Jan is right. You may not want to get back with her but you have guilt on how things ended. You never wanted her to think of you as some kinda jerk for the rest of her life.

 

So, you send the message. Even though you SAY you don't expect a response, I'll guarantee you, you're going to be looking at your phone or your e-mail account a lot. The BEST thing that could happen is that she doesn't respond! But, what if you do get a response? What if it says, " NEVER BOTHER ME AGAIN!" You're going to feel a hell of a lot worse then.

 

It didn't work out, it ended badly....life goes on.

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Desensitized Established Member

Desensitized

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Yeah, Jan is right. You may not want to get back with her but you have guilt on how things ended. You never wanted her to think of you as some kinda jerk for the rest of her life.

 

So, you send the message. Even though you SAY you don't expect a response, I'll guarantee you, you're going to be looking at your phone or your e-mail account a lot. The BEST thing that could happen is that she doesn't respond! But, what if you do get a response? What if it says, " NEVER BOTHER ME AGAIN!" You're going to feel a hell of a lot worse then.

 

It didn't work out, it ended badly....life goes on.

Yeah, I do feel guilty about how things ended... I guess I need to learn to how to forgive myself for the things that happened between us. It's funny. I always told her I would never be a jerk to her, but I was.

 

Also, you're right. I would be looking at my phone to see whether she replied or not. Thanks for the advice, Chi townD

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