grkBoy Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Time and time again we've heard, "You will find that special person when you least expect it." Do you believe that? Has it happened to you? It happens to me all the time...even with my fiance. The reason I believe is when I was actively looking for someone, I'd come off as somewhat needy and even desperate. When I even became more smooth I still came off eager and too willing to please. When I just started to be me...that's when things happened. When I stopped worrying if I "had someone" and didn't care if women stayed or went, and when I would show backbone when I see BS from girls...that's when I not only turned away the bad ones, but then let the good ones more easily find me. That's the best way I can explain it. It means live your life and don't worry so much if you have someone. Then it just magically happens because you're not coming off as a drooling dog looking for a female.
wolfess Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I found my BF when I was NOT looking for a relationship, which was perfect because I was pretty superficial and he is perfect for me and I might not have given him a chance just because he's not a movie star.
bella16 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I also have to say that I believe this. My last few relationships all happened when I wasn't looking or expecting anything. This time the same thing happened to me. A friend from 8 years ago got in contact with me a little over a month ago out of the blue and we talked on the phone for hours everynight and then we met up to hangout and now we are together. Before a month ago, I had no idea where he even was living or how we was even doing because its been years! And now we are together and I am very happy. Its just weird how some things work.
O'Malley Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Every significant relationship I've had has been with someone I was friends with first. Close friends, casual friends, work friends, friends of friends. When I met them, I didn't expect that they would become more and more special to me, over time. But I did notice it as it was happening. The same with both of my relationships. I was at a concert when I was introduced to my (now) boyfriend by a mutual friend. We got along extremely well, but he lived out of the region, so we simply kept in contact as acquaintances. No friends with benefits, no back burnering of each other or other people -- I became even more attracted to him and he felt the same way, but we both kept it in check because I didn't feel it would ever go anywhere, due to distance. When he relocated to a major metropolitan area that I live near, we started dating.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Totally. That's what "faith" is all about (not religious faith, but faith that life can change for the great on a dime).
Nexus One Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 While I did get hit on in periods of my life when I wasn't looking, I don't believe in this. When you have trouble getting people to hit on you, then you need to put in the effort and form an emotional bond with someone first for things to evolve. That means you have to look for people who are open for forming a bond and that means "work". For some people it might come to them, for others, they'll have to work for it. It might even depend on the period of your life you're in, in some periods it comes naturally in others you'll have to work for it. All I know is that I'm not going to sit around and wait for someone to hit on me when I'm looking for the love of my life. While some women that hit on me are attractive, I tend to want to pick the woman, because I have a particular "taste" so to speak. I'm not sure if that attitude is warranted from my side, but things are how they are. I'll simply try and see where things go.
Stockalone Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Time and time again we've heard, "You will find that special person when you least expect it." Do you believe that? Has it happened to you? That never happened to me. When I am not actively looking, nothing happens. 'Not looking' is not the same as 'not going out to socialise' Well, it is for me. When I am not actively looking for a gf, I hardly even notice women. A lot of men are virgins because they aren't social enough in the first place. You have to learn to go out and mingle I don't disagree with you there. However, given that "not looking" means different things to people, the answers to this question will obviously be different.
East7 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I would add : Not only it happens when you least except it but often you find someone better than your ex.
carhill Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 However, given that "not looking" means different things to people, the answers to this question will obviously be different. Good point. Here's my perspective on 'not looking': 1. Socializing and friendly but not flirtatious. Lots of smiles and hugs and genuine interest in women as people. 2. Actively not projecting sexual desire. An example of sexual desire might be ogling a woman as she passes. 3. Seeing all women in my realm as essentially neutral. None rise from the page. This does not mean they are unattractive, rather that their attractiveness does not inspire lust/interest/desire in myself.
torn_curtain Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Sort of, not really. It usually happens to me when I'm not hunting for a relationship but I also make a conscious effort to reel the guy I want in after he shows a bit of initial interest. So the initial meeting happens in a way that is unexpected but if I feel an attraction and sense he does too, I'll subtly flirt. And then once he's clearly interested, I'll sit back and let him do most of the pursuing.
Eeyore79 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I think it is possible to find a relationship when you're not specifically looking for one. However, you do have to put yourself out there, meet people and do stuff - you won't randomly meet Mr/Ms Right while sitting at home watching tv!
FrustratedStandards Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 That's just what hopeless people tell themselves. It will never happen. You won't find the "one" or meet the love of your life. We are all capable of settling down with many many people, its just a matter of who we find and who we choose. Expecting has nothing to do with it. We all live our lives expecting to find something good, and even if we don't, it doesn't sway the odds.
Author LadyWriter Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 We are all capable of settling down with many many people, its just a matter of who we find and who we choose. I agree. I get tired of hearing people say they're looking for their "soul mate." I don't believe in soul mates...at least not romantically. There are several people we could love and be happy with, but like my dad always told me, you don't get to choose who you fall in love with. Sometimes I really wish we could!
AHardDaysNight Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 If it had happened, I would have lost my virginity by now.
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I think it is possible to find a relationship when you're not specifically looking for one. However, you do have to put yourself out there, meet people and do stuff - you won't randomly meet Mr/Ms Right while sitting at home watching tv! You won't meet them hanging with friends, playing basketball, playing football, at work, or going on a road trip with friends either. I have a fairly active life. Except for football on Sundays (which I don't always watch by myself at home) and last night's amazing baseball games, I rarely watch TV and I'm certainly not a homebody. Still, I haven't found Ms. Right (not even Ms Right Now either). Heck, I was in college for five years and met only one girl who paid me even a small amount of attention. And I screwed that one up big time. So, this whole idea of "not looking" or whatever is false, at least for me.
counterman Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 It seems to be that it's mostly women who have had this experience of something happening when they least expected. I can't speak no behave of guys, but there's a direct correlation between me proactively meeting girls and getting dates. If I don't do anything, even if I do socialise as I am doing now, I don't get any dates. I have make an effort. But, in saying that, if I take all the chances I get, I'm sure I'll be getting more dates. I try to have fun and be happy, that's all that matters - hoping that something will happen won't do it for me.
zengirl Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 My theory is you meet the right person when you're ready for them, whatever that means for your life path. I've never met anyone when I was truly not looking because to me "not looking" means absolutely not interested in dating. And if I was in that state, I didn't date. It was never until I opened up again to dating that I started dating. At the same time, I think if you're desperate for a relationship, you probably won't find one either, so I think it's those folks who get this "when you're not looking" thing started. I've never been desperate to be in a relationship. Whenever I've wanted one or even been open to one, it's never been a long time before I found one, though.
sumdude Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I'd have to say... more or less, yes. When I'm not thinking too much and just being me doing my thing I come off better. In my 20's I was kinda clueless and didn't know how to read a woman's interest. Looking back now I realize just how many obvious opportunities i missed back then LOL. Being older, more experienced and confident now helps a lot.Two recent examples that actually turned into relationships and not just flings. In a band with a female bassist/singer. in my mind we were just working together and friends. One day I'm dropping her off at home when she looks at me and says "I've always wondered what it would be like to kiss you." we dated for a few months. My current GF. I'm playing a gig with my band. Second set I changed my shirt because I sweat a lot. Girl walks up and says some half silly comment about my shirt. I say a couple words back and get back to playing not thinking twice about it. Well, she hangs out with the drummer, convinces him to give her my number gets and calls me. She had to kinda chase me down. LOL glad she did.
Teknoe Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Absolutely agree. And yes, it's happened to me. I think it's because when you want something too bad, particularly a relationship, you just end up stressing yourself out. stressing yourself out = not confident, not fun, not loose, not free-flowing. but the funny thing is, you can't fake not expecting it. It's like women know when you are faking it or you aren't (see the movie Swingers for example)
Mrowka Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 I believe in it. I met my bf at a car meet lol and it was my first car meet.
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