LadyWriter Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Time and time again we've heard, "You will find that special person when you least expect it." Do you believe that? Has it happened to you?
iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Each man I've been in a serious, long-term relationship with I met when I least expected it. But, that was back when I was younger and relationships just seemed to find me. Now that I'm older, I feel like I will have to work a lot harder to find someone.
thatone Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 yeah, i believe in it. after two certifiably insane women in the past year or so that i dated i was telling myself i would swear off dating entirely for about 6 months, and met my current gf about two weeks later. /shrug
lemonlegs Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Yes. I believe this for sure. I feel like people that are constantly looking see every person as a potential partner. That seems to put pressure on things in a way, because you're constantly measuring them up to some expectation, if that makes any sense at all. All boyfriends I've ever had, we met in a completely random situation and began talking without me thinking in the back of my head, "Ooh, he's cute...maybe we could date, etc." But then again, meeting online seems to be pretty popular/common now, and that's going in with the full expectation of potentially dating someone. I personally prefer the first way myself.
The Outlaw Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 No, hasn't happened to me. But I'll hear, say, Person A say it'll happen when you least expect it, and Person B say you've got to go out and look for it. I guess works differently for other people.
TheSingleGuy Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 For women, the answer is yes, it happens when you least expect it. For men, the answer is no. Men pursue women, not the other way around. So, yes, when guys are out dating and getting phone numbers and trying to meet women, they meet women. If they decide to take a negative attitude towards women and dating and sit at home and play video games and get too scared to take that chance, it won't happen. Women, on the other hand, will make eye contact with a guy and that's about it as far as their willingness to pursue men. It's all on the man's shoulders. 100% of it.
Whipple Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Yep, happened to me for both of my long-term relationships. It's funny; it always happens when I reach the point of fully embracing being single.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 It happened to me. Life is full of ironies though.
DirtyDancing Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 For women, the answer is yes, it happens when you least expect it. For men, the answer is no. Men pursue women, not the other way around. So, yes, when guys are out dating and getting phone numbers and trying to meet women, they meet women. If they decide to take a negative attitude towards women and dating and sit at home and play video games and get too scared to take that chance, it won't happen. Women, on the other hand, will make eye contact with a guy and that's about it as far as their willingness to pursue men. It's all on the man's shoulders. 100% of it. I just can't agree with this statement. I absolutely am old fashioned in thinking the man should always pursue but I made the exception for one man one time, so then I was expecting it, yes. But to answer the question, yes, it has happened to me twice and when I least expected it. It is absolutely possible and I agree that it is almost always when you let go and fully embrace being single. That's been my experience.
TheSingleGuy Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I've asked lots and lots of women in real life, "Have you ever asked a guy out on a first date?" and the answer is always "no". So you asked a guy out one time. And how many times have you been asked out by men? What's the ratio? Like, 100:1??? Seriously? Most guys could go a life time without being asked out on a first date by a woman. I guess I'm lucky because it's happened to me. But that was basically a friendship that I escalated into a sexual relationship. I was the one who made the move after she invited me to church.
Cee Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I generally meet boyfriends while living my life and not on a dating mission. For example, I did online dating for 2 years and came up empty. But I've gotten boyfriends by attending social events where my goal is to have good conversations and nothing more.
Author LadyWriter Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 I feel like people that are constantly looking see every person as a potential partner. That seems to put pressure on things in a way, because you're constantly measuring them up to some expectation, if that makes any sense at all. All boyfriends I've ever had, we met in a completely random situation and began talking without me thinking in the back of my head, "Ooh, he's cute...maybe we could date, etc." But then again, meeting online seems to be pretty popular/common now, and that's going in with the full expectation of potentially dating someone. I personally prefer the first way myself. I agree with that. I've been in that situation once, and every time I saw a cute guy I'm thinking "Hmm...where could this go?" It made me feel desperate and I hated it. Lesson learned. Yep, happened to me for both of my long-term relationships. It's funny; it always happens when I reach the point of fully embracing being single. Thing seem to go flow better in this situation (at least for me). Like I'm not specifically looking for something to happen, and the guy is apt to do much more pursuing. Kinda like I could care less if I'm dating someone or not...so whatever happens, happens. It turns out to be a better situation all the way around.
carhill Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I recall a ten year period from roughly age 25 to 35 where much life success was experienced, many social functions were attended, much volunteering took place in the community and I traveled to a number of other countries. Most of that time I was single and 'not looking'. I exited that period single and unattached. I had a couple of close female friends (no romantic interest by me) whom I had enjoyed for most of that period. The ladies would get married and drift away, as is customary. It was only when I began to make a concerted, proactive effort to seek out women for dating that it and relationships happened. As further evidence, the last roughly two years since my exW and I split up are similar. Traveled a lot, met a lot of people, not looking for anything intimate and that's how it's worked out. Each of us walks a different path. I remember, in my mid twenties, being abandoned at an out of town wedding by one of my male 'friends' who 'met someone' there, someone he later married. I had to hitch a ride home. So, I guess for some people, stuff like that happens. I always took my own car to weddings after that
counterman Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 My one and only relationship happened when I least expected it. I just spoke to her and it went on from there, but it wasn't a great relationship at all. I don't know how I feel about this one. When I wasn't approaching any girls or asking any girls out, I got no dates. When I was approaching girls, I'll get dates. So, it seems to me I have to take my opportunities, not necessarily trying to make something happen. If things don't work out, oh well.
norajane Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 "You will find that special person when you least expect it." Every significant relationship I've had has been with someone I was friends with first. Close friends, casual friends, work friends, friends of friends. When I met them, I didn't expect that they would become more and more special to me, over time. But I did notice it as it was happening.
Cracker Jack Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I think this is true for certain people, but unfortunately, not for everyone. Hopefully it can play out like that for me.
Andy_K Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 False. False false false. For guys anyway (generally speaking) Why is this romantic but unrealistic notion constantly pushed? You never say "don't worry, your dream job will turn up when you least expect it" because that's moronic. You have to work at yourself to be good enough for it, find opportunities, and apply. Waiting for things to just 'turn up' is why this forum is littered with twenty and thirtysomething male virgins. Ask them how well 'not looking' worked for them. If you're a young girl, you can get away with this because opportunities throw themselves at you constantly. You literally occupy an entirely different dating world. If you're attractive, even glaring personality flaws will be overlooked by a large number of guys. If you're not so attractive, older, or a guy, you can pretty much remain single indefinitely this way. If you want to find someone, 90% of the time you've got to put in the effort. Same as everything else in life.
East7 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I am a guy and I met almost ALL my previous girlfriends in unexpected circumstances. So yes for me, it happens when you least expect it. And it happened with girls I wasn't trying to seduce. It wasn't until they showed me interest that I took them out. I think when you aren't actively looking for someone, you look happy with yourself, you have a less needy image which makes you more attractive.
Emilia Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 False. False false false. For guys anyway (generally speaking) Why is this romantic but unrealistic notion constantly pushed? You never say "don't worry, your dream job will turn up when you least expect it" because that's moronic. You have to work at yourself to be good enough for it, find opportunities, and apply. Waiting for things to just 'turn up' is why this forum is littered with twenty and thirtysomething male virgins. Ask them how well 'not looking' worked for them. If you're a young girl, you can get away with this because opportunities throw themselves at you constantly. You literally occupy an entirely different dating world. If you're attractive, even glaring personality flaws will be overlooked by a large number of guys. If you're not so attractive, older, or a guy, you can pretty much remain single indefinitely this way. If you want to find someone, 90% of the time you've got to put in the effort. Same as everything else in life. 'Not looking' is not the same as 'not going out to socialise' I always meet men I like when I'm not looking because I make the effort to create situations where I meet new people frequently. Thus chance encounters have a greater likelihood of happening and I don't have to look but can relax, have a good time, enjoy my hobby and talk to new faces frequently. A lot of men are virgins because they aren't social enough in the first place. You have to learn to go out and mingle
oaks Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Time and time again we've heard, "You will find that special person when you least expect it." Do you believe that? Has it happened to you? I cringe when I hear this because it always sounds (to me) like a lame platitude from someone trying to be sympathetic. It ranks up there with "Everything happens for a reason" and if someone utters both of these within the same conversation then there will be a "reason" why I punch them in the nose. Anyway, now that I've had the rant, yes I have met special people when I wasn't expecting to meet anyone. I don't think it's a special phrase, and it isn't something I "believe" in as such. I'm more carpe diem than que sera sera.
counterman Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 'Not looking' is not the same as 'not going out to socialise' I always meet men I like when I'm not looking because I make the effort to create situations where I meet new people frequently. Thus chance encounters have a greater likelihood of happening and I don't have to look but can relax, have a good time, enjoy my hobby and talk to new faces frequently. A lot of men are virgins because they aren't social enough in the first place. You have to learn to go out and mingle This is a good point. The issue with me is that I don't socialise much. I basically hang out with the same group of friends from high school... and they don't do anything at all. Most of them would prefer to play games at home on Friday or Saturday night. So, if there's something I would do, I would work on changing my social life, rather than looking for a girl. I look around and envy what some people have. I need a group that does things week in, week out. I can see how things would happen when you least expect it if you're surrounding yourself with people and meeting new people.
Author LadyWriter Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 I think when you aren't actively looking for someone, you look happy with yourself, you have a less needy image which makes you more attractive. Exactly! It's the main ingredient.
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