iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Just curious. I wondered if this was unusual. Right now I don't know any guys who I have the least bit of interest in or who could be dating options in any way. There's not one guy who's on my mind at all--not from the past, not presently. I haven't even seen a random man in public who I'd be interested in. Have you gone long periods of time with no interest in anyone, and where you weren't thinking about anyone from the past either? Was it a learning experience? I'm trying to view it from a positive perspective (vs. feeling hopeless).
Cee Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 You are in a state of peace. You are single and relaxed about it. Enjoy this peace while it lasts because shortly your emotional balance will be rear-ended by an attraction. I sincerely believe that we all need times when we aren't wanting, wanting, wanting. When I had those times, I savored it. That time is short, trust me. Celebrate your freedom from desire and hang out with your friends or take up a sport or hobby.
Hot Chick Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Yes absolutely. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Right now, I am waiting to find out if I am re-instated to my job after having a hearing in which my employer admitted to illegally terminating 4 employees. I'm pretty hopeful that we will win, but you never know. So....well, I'm not feeling like dating now. I am enjoying the unemployment (I save 40% of my paychecks anyway so it's not like a big pay cut) and not working, and spending day trips in fun places and kind of finding myself again. It's great, actually.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 You betcha. I really wanted to be married and worked very hard to make myself worthy. I put all my eggs in one big basket and it was the wrong basket in dimensions that still defy credulity. I've had small relationships since but very low expectations. I believed for a long time that I need to really succeed in my own business so that someone will find me rather than me going out time and again and not finding them. But that has gotten old and the breaks I need haven't yet come. So, I decided to let something happen. Success is still just a break away. I know where the golden goose has buried the eggs. I just need a few more shovels.
D-Lish Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Absolutely I have. I've gone years without being interested in anyone. I think I went 3 years without meeting anyone that I would even consider going out with. That didn't mean I didn't have sex and some fwb's arrangements here and there to alleviate the void. I'm actually considering doing it again because I can't find anyone I want to be in a relationship with.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Since I've been an adult, I've gone a few years without being interested in someone as well as being uninterested in being interested in someone. So far, those were the most productive years of my life Take advantage of it while you can! It allowed me anyway to focus more on my passions.
Author iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 I can't find anyone I'd even want to have sex with. I don't mind it because it's peaceful, but I'm afraid of getting too used to it and I don't have time to waste. I want to get married and have children, and I'm not that young. I feel like I should be doing more to meet someone vs. enjoying the lull. It is cleansing. My mind feels very clear. It's rare that I'm not pining over someone from the past, and it feels good not to.
D-Lish Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I can't find anyone I'd even want to have sex with. I don't mind it because it's peaceful, but I'm afraid of getting too used to it and I don't have time to waste. I want to get married and have children, and I'm not that young. I feel like I should be doing more to meet someone vs. enjoying the lull. It is cleansing. My mind feels very clear. It's rare that I'm not pining over someone from the past, and it feels good not to. You're only 34! You're a baby! Are you doing online dating?
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I can't find anyone I'd even want to have sex with. I don't mind it because it's peaceful, but I'm afraid of getting too used to it and I don't have time to waste. I want to get married and have children, and I'm not that young. I feel like I should be doing more to meet someone vs. enjoying the lull. It is cleansing. My mind feels very clear. It's rare that I'm not pining over someone from the past, and it feels good not to. How long has it been since you've been interested in someone? If it hasn't been that long, I would suggest not focusing on it for the time being and to just enjoy the lull. During the span of my being uninterested (and also what I would classify as an asexual lol), I remember thinking I'd probably never meet someone I'd be interested in again... but, I did. He really just took me by surprise and I wasn't expecting to meet someone that could reignite my sexual desires etc.
Author iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 D-lish: 32, actually. Don't add any extra years! No, online dating wouldn't work where I live. I know or know of many of the guys on there, and I don't want to date them. I'm socially active and have a fairly large group of friends, so I get out often.
Author iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 How long has it been since you've been interested in someone? If it hasn't been that long, I would suggest not focusing on it for the time being and to just enjoy the lull. During the span of my being uninterested (and also what I would classify as an asexual lol), I remember thinking I'd probably never meet someone I'd be interested in again... but, I did. He really just took me by surprise and I wasn't expecting to meet someone that could reignite my sexual desires etc. I've gone on a few dates this year, but I went mostly just to go, not because I was intensely drawn to the men. I'm hoping the above happens to me--hopefully someone will come along and make me forget I worried so much about never meeting anyone.
D-Lish Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 D-lish: 32, actually. Don't add any extra years! No, online dating wouldn't work where I live. I know or know of many of the guys on there, and I don't want to date them. I'm socially active and have a fairly large group of friends, so I get out often. Haha, No extra years added- promise. 32 makes you even more of a baby! You have lots of time to find someone, or for someone to find you! It will happen. It can get lonely, but at least you have a healthy social life. That helps. I live in a thriving metropolis, there is so much going on around me- but no non-married or coupled up friends to go out with. That's what I find frustrating- most of my friend's like to cave with their significant others- and I feel shut in in this big city posting on LS when there is so much going on around me. For that reason, I resort to online dating.
Author iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Haha, No extra years added- promise. 32 makes you even more of a baby! You have lots of time to find someone, or for someone to find you! It will happen. It can get lonely, but at least you have a healthy social life. That helps. I live in a thriving metropolis, there is so much going on around me- but no non-married or coupled up friends to go out with. That's what I find frustrating- most of my friend's like to cave with their significant others- and I feel shut in in this big city posting on LS when there is so much going on around me. For that reason, I resort to online dating. My friends are starting to get married or are in relationships as well. I'm happy for them, but it sucks that they stop wanting to do anything. Or worse, they only want to do things with other couples. One of my married girlfriends even said to me that we should all go to dinner when I start dating someone, as if I can't go with just her or her and her husband! Luckily, there's still several of us who are single and several couples who are still fun and like to go out. We have similar problems in that our situations make meeting people difficult. I live in a small town where I know lots of people, but there are very few desirable single men. There have to be some high quality men online where you live, right? I hope you meet some!
AD1980 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Im in the same boat in that i have all married friends and very rarely in contact with single women at all so its hard for me to have a chance to try to connect with a women
D-Lish Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 My friends are starting to get married or are in relationships as well. I'm happy for them, but it sucks that they stop wanting to do anything. Or worse, they only want to do things with other couples. One of my married girlfriends even said to me that we should all go to dinner when I start dating someone, as if I can't go with just her or her and her husband! Luckily, there's still several of us who are single and several couples who are still fun and like to go out. We have similar problems in that our situations make meeting people difficult. I live in a small town where I know lots of people, but there are very few desirable single men. There have to be some high quality men online where you live, right? I hope you meet some! No, there are not high quality men online where I am. I haven't answered an email from a dude online in forever. In my early 30's- most of my friends were coupled up- but we still had a healthy social life and got together all the time. It's when the kids start coming that everything changes. I still see my friends, but it's for "lunch" now instead of an evening at the pub.
Author iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 No, there are not high quality men online where I am. I haven't answered an email from a dude online in forever. In my early 30's- most of my friends were coupled up- but we still had a healthy social life and got together all the time. It's when the kids start coming that everything changes. I still see my friends, but it's for "lunch" now instead of an evening at the pub. How would you feel about going out alone? I've been considering this because I work late a couple nights a week, and thought it would be nice to go have a drink and dinner right after on my own, but I never do it. It would probably be a good way to meet people.
thatone Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 derp, yeah pretty much. you won't be able to help meeting people if you go out alone.
tigressA Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 How would you feel about going out alone? I've been considering this because I work late a couple nights a week, and thought it would be nice to go have a drink and dinner right after on my own, but I never do it. It would probably be a good way to meet people. Going out alone is great! I've done it a lot. It's nice to take yourself out on a date.
The Outlaw Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I have. But to keep my mind off things, I just focus on my work. It's a great distraction.
TheBigQuestion Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Yes. I've gone periods of up to a year without being seriously interested in anyone, although my longest periods of celibacy have been about half that. There's nothing wrong with being single.
Author iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 derp, yeah pretty much. you won't be able to help meeting people if you go out alone. I'm sure, but I think this is much more difficult for women to do than for men. It would just feel weird (unless I was traveling and had no other option). I'm prone to think that people negatively judge women if they're out alone. It's my own insecurity, I'm sure, which makes me think this. What would you think if you saw a women at a bar or restaurant alone?
january2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Not since I started dating in adulthood. Sometimes, I think that it might have been better to have more time to develop myself outside of a relationship but when a great guy comes along, it's very difficult to turn down the opportunity to go for the ride and see where it takes us.
Author iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Not since I started dating in adulthood. Sometimes, I think that it might have been better to have more time to develop myself outside of a relationship but when a great guy comes along, it's very difficult to turn down the opportunity to go for the ride and see where it takes us. You are a very, very lucky person. Great guys don't come along for me at all.
TheSingleGuy Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Ok, I'm really curious. You say you can months or even years without a guy even making your radar screen as a sexual interest. Does that mean you go years without a guy asking for your phone number too? Is that why women end up on dot com dating sites, because no guys are asking for their numbers in real life? Or is it that men in real life are asking for your phone numbers but they just aren't sexy or attractive every time it happens? Very curious about this.
Author iris219 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Ok, I'm really curious. You say you can months or even years without a guy even making your radar screen as a sexual interest. Does that mean you go years without a guy asking for your phone number too? Is that why women end up on dot com dating sites, because no guys are asking for their numbers in real life? Or is it that men in real life are asking for your phone numbers but they just aren't sexy or attractive every time it happens? Very curious about this. I would have to answer no to all of your questions. Men do not typically approach me unless I give them signals to do so. I make my interest and disinterest in a man very clear, in order to prevent unwanted attention. Also, there aren't many single men where I live.
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