Dblock10 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 if it was a mutual break up, or that you had no choice but to expect the dumpers decision. they havent met anyone else in place of you, however you fear they will move on or forget you if you stay NC. whats the best course of action. i am over the break up. i just want to know if i will get another chance with her or if i am fighting a losing battle.
D-Lish Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I don't stay in contact with ex's. It doesn't serve any purpose other than to prolong the angst.
stillafool Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I don't think you are over the breakup if you still want another chance. It is best to not stay in contact with your ex unless you both have moved on to other people and it doesn't bother you to get together with them and their new love interest (and of course yours) all together. If you still have an ounce of love left the answer is NO CONTACT.
Rorschach64 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 As I figured from reading all the lovely positive and supportive threads, everyone would say no and more no-age! Not only does it make you look desperate, like you need her but you don't, but prolongs the healing process! I know about your situation Dblock and I know you want your ex back, don't bother man! I think when you are in a good place and she contacts YOU, minus breadcrumbs 'cause that's just her wanting her cake and eating it too, be light hearted and have fun with it but NEVER lay out feelings or how she made you feel etc, make her come to you. Be polite also
antz2411 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 dood im sorry for always commenting your threads man haha but damn... if you cant keep it real with yourself what makes you think you can keep your feelings real for this chick? you are not obviously over the break up or you wouldnt fear losing her. you need to stop living in fear bro and not care thats whats messing you up. nothing you do will make her change her mind especially if shes all the way in the other side of the globe bro! you're best chance is to get your **** together and wait until she gets back to your country.
Cowboy1015 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) if it was a mutual break up, or that you had no choice but to expect the dumpers decision. they havent met anyone else in place of you, however you fear they will move on or forget you if you stay NC. whats the best course of action. i am over the break up. i just want to know if i will get another chance with her or if i am fighting a losing battle. You are not over the break up. Otherwise, you wouldn't be worrying about your chances. I think you may successfully get back with your ex if you understand what went wrong and you worked on it. All you need to do is go back to square one. But, you really need to get over the break up. Then, you can start contacting her but do not have any expectations. Do not pressure her about the past relationship. That is the past. Take it slow and you have to notice how is she responding to you. You need to understand her and act accordingly. Show her you changed (if you were an ***hole in the relationship). It will take time. And as time pass, you should know if you have a chance or not. When to persevere and when to quit. Edited September 29, 2011 by Cowboy1015
Duckduckgoose Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 If you want another chance then you're not over the breakup. That is all.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 You cant control whether or not they forget about you, no matter what you do. Plus, if she broke it off with you, then she WILL forget about you regardless, because she wants to. So you dont stay in contact, and you find someone better if youre over the breakup.
Author Dblock10 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 thanks for replies LS community! i do wonder if she will actually ever contact me again though, like when she is finally back, i can't really see it happening if we haven't spoke for the duration of the trip.. I hope i get to a good place before she does talk to me (if that ever actually happens.. ) i feel a lot better than in the first few weeks. however i do miss her, but i know she is gone. its like a horrible situation to be in. what is classed as breadcrumbs? never lay out feelings etc how come? iv'e realised nothing i can do will get her back for now. it would be wasted effort on my behalf.. and would push her further away if thats even possible. all i could do is be a friend to her and try and keep a form of communication there, but again it could make me look needy and desperate. something i dont want to be. how do you mean get my **** together and wait until she's back in the country? i do understand what went wrong, i wasnt an ass or anything like that, she just felt we would argue whilst she's away and that she isnt great at communication. she didnt know what was going to happen in her life from now or what she would do once back and so knew it wasnt practical to try and stay together. she had done 2 long distance re before and told me how they just never work. so all i could do was respect her decision and hope once shes back, maybe there would be a shot for us again. she mentioned keeping each other updated with our lives, but i really dont know what that actually means. since i hadnt heard from her in 7 weeks even before she had left for this trip. maybe i'll hear from her in a month or two. maybe i wont. either way i am trying hard to move on. i am not pestering her or trying to talk to her. i want to give her the freedom to enjoy the travelling which is what she wanted at the end of the day.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 thanks for replies LS community! i do wonder if she will actually ever contact me again though, like when she is finally back, i can't really see it happening if we haven't spoke for the duration of the trip.. She will, because she doesnt want you to move on before she finds someobody, its totally selfish. what is classed as breadcrumbs? never lay out feelings etc how come? Breadcrumbs is when she sends you texts saying "how are you" to get you to answer right away, just to make sure youre still waiting for her, but never to get back with you. iv'e realised nothing i can do will get her back for now. it would be wasted effort on my behalf.. and would push her further away if thats even possible. all i could do is be a friend to her and try and keep a form of communication there, but again it could make me look needy and desperate. something i dont want to be. Thats the exact opposite of what you really should do. You DONT be a friend to her, and you CUT OFF all communication. Let her miss you. Let her come looking for you. If she does, be too busy for her. make her earn it. But dont count on her to come looking for you. how do you mean get my **** together and wait until she's back in the country? Dont wait for her. Dont expect for her to come back. Do your own thing, take up new hobbies, meet new people, keep busy. so all i could do was respect her decision and hope once shes back, maybe there would be a shot for us again. she mentioned keeping each other updated with our lives, but i really dont know what that actually means. Like I said before, dont update her on anything. Its not her business now. She doesnt get the priviledge of your friendship.
antz2411 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 how do you mean get my **** together and wait until she's back in the country? means get your act together do things for yourself to the point were you are recovered mentally from what you are going through. then when shes back you are yourself again when you do finally see her and if she doesn't want to be with you anymore when she does get back you are more mentally equipped to handle the situation.
Author Dblock10 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Ok yeah well she is a selfish person, she has even admitted that during the final talk in person we had. saying how she knows its selfish but she doesn't want to feel obliged to be around me once back. hmm well when i broke nc and spoke to her on fb, she claimed she was sorry she hadnt spoke in so long she had just been soo busy and not seen my fb wall (my nans death). she at that point asked how i was. i ignored and went offline. since then obv i sent a goodbye txt. she said thank you. since that txt, she has been on the online fb chat nearly every night (so i assume 8pm american time) yet she hasn't said a word to me.. ok well i am not being her friend, and i have cut off all communication with her now in terms of going cold turkey on her. i cant bring myself to delete her off my facebook. maybe i should argh i just cant though. maybe i'll reach a point where i do. when i cant handle it any longer. it pisses me off when she comes online, stays online for ages then never speaks to me. she is obviously skyep'ing someone. maybe she started seeing someone before she left? :S i just dont know. ok well i have been getting my **** together in that respect, ive been meeting new people, got a new job, joined the gym, starting uni soon etc. i was thinking of writing a list of all the things why i shouldn't contact her and why i need to move on, why if i did speak to her that i would be stupid for doing so
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