i was doing good just after 1 day NC then he calls and now i question his motives.

[momto3boys]

As some of you know from my previous posts that my ex has said he wants a divorce, i moved from NC to MD. We have one little boy and another little boy on the way. i was blowing up my ex's phone until yesterday. I know thats a big no no but i was so devastated that he ended things just weeks before our 2nd child was born. He has been CRUEL to me since telling me he doesnt want to be with me. So much drama has happened. I kicked him out of our house until i could move back to our home state (which i did saturday). My ex came to our home state for a wedding and took our son for a few days while up here and the whole time all we did was argue. He told me he had so much resentment towards me, that he doesnt love me anymore, told me to go date someone else so id get off his back. Told me to get a life, etc. To leave him the hell a lone and dont call him anymore.Well i finally gave up. I gave him my cell phone so i had no urge to text him (the phone was in his name anyways). So all i have is my moms house phone. I did not email him or call him yesterday at all. Well today he called at 11 am and i did not answer but did call him back hours later. He said he wanted to talk to our son. So they talked for about 2 seconds til our son lost interest in the phone (hes only 2 and he was playing) and then i said "sorry he gave the phone back to me, so he will talk to you later i guess". Then he said ok and we said good-bye. Then i called right back and told him that since he's in the army and works crazy hours to just email me and we will set up days and times our son can call him that way we dont have to communicate. He said ok and i hung up.

 

 

Now since hearing from him i question his motives about calling. Normally he doesnt call to see how our son is. Im glad he did though, its good he becomes more involved. Hopefully he stays involved.

 

Then i ended up emailing him this afternoon to ask him about child support for Oct, how he will be paying me because its just an agreement right now until our 2nd child is born then i am filing. I dont want to have to go back in and refile ina few weeks after the baby is born. So im going to wait to file until our 2nd son is here. I told him that in the email as well even though he knows thats what im planning on doing. He still hasnt email me back yet.

 

 

I know NC isnt really likely specially when the divorce proceeding starts and with us having a son together and about to have a 2nd together. But every time he calls (which this is the first time he has called me in the 3 weeks since we have been separated) it has me questioning his motives.

 

How can i stop myself from questioning his motives every time he calls. I actually felt happy and almost back to normal yesterday since we didnt talk, now today im a wreck again. Some helpful advice would be appreciated.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It takes a LONG time of no contact (or limited, in your case, because of the child) for you to come to the point where you are able to hold onto feeling good and not get slammed around emotionally.

 

You just have to go through the rough times, accept that they will happen - like bad weather happens - don't change your course of action because of them, and things will get better and better as time goes on.

 

Get some plans in place for things you can do when you start thinking about him too much. Whether you question his motives or not is not going to change the situation between the two of you.

[momto3boys]

Thanks for the advice. I thinking contact through email is my best option for at least a week or more. I think id be better with the split if so many nasty and hurtful things havent been said. Every time i hear his voice i was to crawl in a hole and hide. He has been so cruel to me that i cant even bring myself to talk to him or see him.

 

my biggest struggle will be questioning his phone calls when he does call. I need to stop doing that.