gglimit Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Hi all, new to this website. I have recently gave my gf the ultimatum of either me or "friends" with her ex. I'm asking this community if its too harsh. We're currently engaged and have a child together. The problem is this: she is not of the same nationality as me and the baby is born here in my city. I love my child and would never want to be separated with him. As for my gf, is it just me or is she really irrsponsible? She is here as an international student. She went back to her country for the summer and had MONTHS to do her re-entry visa (and I urged her to do so) but she never did. She took our child to see her family and said shes too busy, even though they hired a nanny for him and the fact that she has the time to go out and party with her ex on her birthday. The same time last year, we were getting ready to move in together. She went back to her country during summer as well, leaving all the cleaning responsibilities to me (roommates left and I mean dog **** stains everywhere, they never cleaned the carpet and so have been wearing shoes in their own apartment) while she partied with her ex. Now, I dont believe anything happened between them but its the irrsponsibility that ticked me off. Anyways I brushed it off and we lived happily for another year. There are many times where she'd need my help like in school work or there are certain things that she may need (a new laptop because her current one is getting old, her desk is broken and needs a new one) and I would automatically help her with these things without her asking. Including the now we have 1 week to try to get her re-entry visa. She never does her own research on what needs to be done, I always almost have to go check for her and ask her if shes done this or that. But a re-entry visa is something I've never done before because shes studying in my country (I dont need one to come back) Back to current events, I went to her country as well this pass summer but 2 months after she went. The trip was okay I didnt expect much from her family because, well lets say the child was unplanned. But I did my part in purchasing gifts, apologized, etc, the works. So we are getting ready to come back home and got into an argument where she trashes me and my family to her ex. she never got her re-entry visa due to lack of documents and she blames for trusting me to do the job. Yes all of this her ex knows. I didnt listen to what they talked about but she told me that I would not want to hear with her ex has to say about me (obviously biased) So now, I'm giving her the ultimatum of me or her ex. I'm prepared to raise the kid myself as I have family here to help me and so far without her being here (shes still waiting on her visa) I'm doing okay. Its not easy but I absolutely cannot stand her trash talking me to her ex (and its not the first time). I told her that our life, especially my life is none of her ex's business and that she can either pick her ex or pick me and sign a pre nupital agreement before entering my house when she gets back. she asked me to give her the child if I dont love her anymore I told her if she can pick her ex (she now calls "friends") over her husband then she dont love me all that much anyways so dont talk to me about love. Am I too harsh?
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