watermelonjuice Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I have been communicating with an online guy. He was always quick with his replies, within 24 hours. Then we met. He's interested and wants to see me again. We've met twice in a week now. The "strange" thing is that now he doesn't reply that promptly, and we mostly rely on emails. I don't mind emailing but I wonder if he's trying to slow things down? If so, why? He just left on a business trip, so does it have anything to do with the trip? In case you're thinking he might have a girlfriend or wife, I know he doesn't since it happened that we have a common friend we didn't initially know we had.
Casablanca Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I have been communicating with an online guy. He was always quick with his replies, within 24 hours. Then we met. He's interested and wants to see me again. We've met twice in a week now. The "strange" thing is that now he doesn't reply that promptly, and we mostly rely on emails. I don't mind emailing but I wonder if he's trying to slow things down? If so, why? He just left on a business trip, so does it have anything to do with the trip? In case you're thinking he might have a girlfriend or wife, I know he doesn't since it happened that we have a common friend we didn't initially know we had. I think a lot does have to do with his trip...and he might want to learn more about you in person...it is a lot more fun than learning about someone over text or email
fatalcharm Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I am kind of in the same position. I have been dating a guy for about a month, we met online and before we met in real-life he was very quick to respond to my messages and texts. Now that we are dating he is not as quick to respond. He also doesn't want to chat online as much anymore, before we met in person he was really keen to chat and get to know me. I think it's because now we are dating, he thinks that he doesn't have to put in as much effort. I have to admit that it's true, and I have made myself available to him. However, I would like him to put a little more effort in and chase me more, so I have made sure that my schedule is filled up for the next couple weeks and have made plans to catch up and hit the town with some old girlfriends that I haven't seen in a while. I have still left a couple empty nights for him, if he really wants to see me. He is going to have to work for it though. I really like this guy, but I like to be chased and he is not putting as much effort into chasing me because I have made myself too available to him. I don't think it's too late to change that though, I usually have an active social life and have recently put that on hold for him. Time to get back to doing what I usually do. Are you finding yourself in the same situation, I mean have you made yourself too available to him? I know you said it has only been a couple dates, but maybe next time he asks you out, tell him that you are busy for the next week and will have to catch up the week after. Or if you have already scheduled a date, cancel it and tell him that one of your girlfriends is having a crisis and needs your company or something. Don't make him think that you are dating other guys, but let him know that your busy, even if you're not.
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 I think a lot does have to do with his trip...and he might want to learn more about you in person...it is a lot more fun than learning about someone over text or email I get that though I wonder why the change. And it's not like it's a done deal already so I think he should put in more effort in it. At least not keep me hanging. It's not difficult to send a quick note to say he'll see me after the trip or something.
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 I am kind of in the same position. I have been dating a guy for about a month, we met online and before we met in real-life he was very quick to respond to my messages and texts. Now that we are dating he is not as quick to respond. He also doesn't want to chat online as much anymore, before we met in person he was really keen to chat and get to know me. I think it's because now we are dating, he thinks that he doesn't have to put in as much effort. I have to admit that it's true, and I have made myself available to him. However, I would like him to put a little more effort in and chase me more, so I have made sure that my schedule is filled up for the next couple weeks and have made plans to catch up and hit the town with some old girlfriends that I haven't seen in a while. I have still left a couple empty nights for him, if he really wants to see me. He is going to have to work for it though. I really like this guy, but I like to be chased and he is not putting as much effort into chasing me because I have made myself too available to him. I don't think it's too late to change that though, I usually have an active social life and have recently put that on hold for him. Time to get back to doing what I usually do. Are you finding yourself in the same situation, I mean have you made yourself too available to him? I know you said it has only been a couple dates, but maybe next time he asks you out, tell him that you are busy for the next week and will have to catch up the week after. Or if you have already scheduled a date, cancel it and tell him that one of your girlfriends is having a crisis and needs your company or something. Don't make him think that you are dating other guys, but let him know that your busy, even if you're not. I'm not too available and he knows that. When he told me he wants to take this further, it felt like he meant it. But the efforts don't seem to match.
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Come to think of it, can his actions be seen as playing games?
red shoes Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 There's too little information to say that he's playing games. Maybe he's just busy.
Hot Chick Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 He's losing or has lost interest. I had a date on Saturday and while it wasn't his fault....I just didn't feel chemistry. I did the couple dates before. So, he has been calling and texting and I have been responding, but not very frequently or enthusiastically. He even asked what was up with me since I hadn't been responding. I just don't feel like it....because I'm not interested. So...there you have it. You date to find out if you have chemistry. He doesn't feel it. This should be empowering to you so you can move on to the next guy who WILL feel chemistry instead of wasting time thinking about a guy who does not feel it for you.
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 He's losing or has lost interest. I had a date on Saturday and while it wasn't his fault....I just didn't feel chemistry. I did the couple dates before. So, he has been calling and texting and I have been responding, but not very frequently or enthusiastically. He even asked what was up with me since I hadn't been responding. I just don't feel like it....because I'm not interested. So...there you have it. You date to find out if you have chemistry. He doesn't feel it. This should be empowering to you so you can move on to the next guy who WILL feel chemistry instead of wasting time thinking about a guy who does not feel it for you. He was the one that has been keeping up with the emails and the things he says in there. It's just that the interval is longer now. So I don't think he's lost interest. At least not all of it, if at all. He could have not responded or said those things.
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Anyone else has an opinion about what this communication means?
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 For those that suggested that he would contact me after he comes back from his trip, actually he's not. He's been back 2 days now and not a peep. Not much point dwelling on it but I don't know what happened and he seemed like such a nice and normal guy.
Star Gazer Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 He just lost interest. It happens to all of us, even with the best of dates.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 He just lost interest. It happens to all of us, even with the best of dates. It's just quite strange since he was all over it. I didn't even encourage it! (I mean it wasn't that I didn't give him enough encouragment but I didn't nudge him because I'm wary of the "when it sizzles, it fizzles" situation). Oh well, it's another day, another new man. I'm just annoyed that when I think I'll give someone a chance, I get burnt.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Watermelon, is this the same guy or a different guy? You sure seem to attract them if the latter?! As you know from a previous thread, I am in a similar position. IMO, it is a bit frustrating and ..... and very boring. I am seeing him again, but lack of contact screams to me "friendzone"! After all, what else can I do if there is a holding back of romantic pursuit? Sad. But true. What do you think? Different guys. I don't even know where people meet people and end up marrying each other. If you're in a lack-of-contact situation, I would think he's not that interested or has something else on the side. I wouldn't be thrilled, if I were you. Good luck though.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 He called me yesterday after getting in from the airport. It was like nothing happened to him. He wanted to meet for dinner but I had a prior commitment so no deal. I still think he should have contacted me during the trip. But I don't want to give a big talk about it since he's no obligations toward me since we aren't a formal couple. Am I a drama quene for even thinking he shouldn't have disappeared earlier?
caseinpoint Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 He called me yesterday after getting in from the airport. It was like nothing happened to him. He wanted to meet for dinner but I had a prior commitment so no deal. I still think he should have contacted me during the trip. But I don't want to give a big talk about it since he's no obligations toward me since we aren't a formal couple. Am I a drama quene for even thinking he shouldn't have disappeared earlier? I was in a similar situation before. But I've learned to not take anything personally and go with the flow. If he did the "disappearing" act not out on trips, perhaps that calls for something more serious than this?
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