flower_petal Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I've been seeing a guy for about two months. At the time of meeting he was in a relationship so we were friends. He split with his girlfriend a month ago (he'd been with her 5 years) and we started to get close. Things moved fast. We went out lots, we text everyday, he was overly keen and was calling all the time. He came round, met my friends and we just seemed besotted with each other. We even spent evenings doing couple things with my friends. Suddenly everything seemed to become lessened. The phone calls, going out. I mentioned it to him (after he cancelled on me) that I wasn't impressed and he suddenly came out with 'I don't want a relationship, I want to be single for a while'. I appreciate he's just ended a long relationship but no suggestion of going slow! Just 'no relationship'. He said he still wanted to see each other but not as a couple. He said things got too much too soon. - really liked him and I thought he liked me. We messaged a few times since we last saw each other. I messaged him 4 days ago and he did not reply. I have heard nothing since. Does he need me to back off and give him time or has he officially dumped me??
Cypress25 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Did you have sex with him? If so, look at the timing of it.
bluenightowl Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I've been seeing a guy for about two months. At the time of meeting he was in a relationship so we were friends. He split with his girlfriend a month ago (he'd been with her 5 years) and we started to get close. Things moved fast. We went out lots, we text everyday, he was overly keen and was calling all the time. He came round, met my friends and we just seemed besotted with each other. We even spent evenings doing couple things with my friends. Suddenly everything seemed to become lessened. The phone calls, going out. I mentioned it to him (after he cancelled on me) that I wasn't impressed and he suddenly came out with 'I don't want a relationship, I want to be single for a while'. I appreciate he's just ended a long relationship but no suggestion of going slow! Just 'no relationship'. He said he still wanted to see each other but not as a couple. He said things got too much too soon. - really liked him and I thought he liked me. We messaged a few times since we last saw each other. I messaged him 4 days ago and he did not reply. I have heard nothing since. Does he need me to back off and give him time or has he officially dumped me?? You definitely need to back off now. I think he's probably telling the truth. He's needs time to process the past relationship. I suppose you were dumped, but I wouldn't feel too hurt by it. He's going through a lot I suspect. He might be saving you from being used by him. Sure there is the possibility he wants to see another woman, but I doubt it based on what you have posted. I'd go NC for a few months and wait for him to contact you. Get busy with your life and maybe in 3 months you can try it again. If you push him, he will totally lose any attraction he had for you.
DirtyDancing Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 This situation sounds very familiar to me.. so here's my two cents: As a person who about 2-3 months ago also came out of almost 5 year relationship, I met someone else WHILE I was still with my ex but never started "seeing" him after the breakup. I wouldn't say we were or are friends (to get the whole story see my novel of a post! ) but we did meet for a date a few months ago RIGHT in the middle of my breakup. My point is, he backed off, I believe because I told him I was coming out of a long relationship but I felt ready to see what else was out there for me. And although it's been extremely frustrating for me, I am happy that he didn't or hasn't pushed it on me at all, even just dating. Because two months coming out of a very long relationship is shaky ground. I can see why in your situation he may have felt a little overwhelmed... because falling in love again after your hearts been broken or your mourning over the loss of a long time love that you thought would last, is a big risk and if done prematurely isn't fair to either person. The new person wants a fair shot, am I correct? I would if the tables were turned. I think that the fact that he hasn't responded to your message this last time does not mean that you were dumped. Give him space and time. I think if you are still interested in a fair amount of time ( I would say about a month), contact him and maybe suggest that you get together soon if he would like. In my experience, when people start feeling things that are overwhelming and intense, sometimes it's scary and they want to back away from the situation. Particularly coming out of a long relationship. I can relate to your situation except the flip side...it's tempting to rebound, but the best thing is to not get involved with anyone until you get your mind and heart put back together. It gets scary. No rush, time doesn't matter if it's a good thing.
bluenightowl Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 This situation sounds very familiar to me.. so here's my two cents: As a person who about 2-3 months ago also came out of almost 5 year relationship, I met someone else WHILE I was still with my ex but never started "seeing" him after the breakup. I wouldn't say we were or are friends (to get the whole story see my novel of a post! ) but we did meet for a date a few months ago RIGHT in the middle of my breakup. My point is, he backed off, I believe because I told him I was coming out of a long relationship but I felt ready to see what else was out there for me. And although it's been extremely frustrating for me, I am happy that he didn't or hasn't pushed it on me at all, even just dating. Because two months coming out of a very long relationship is shaky ground. I can see why in your situation he may have felt a little overwhelmed... because falling in love again after your hearts been broken or your mourning over the loss of a long time love that you thought would last, is a big risk and if done prematurely isn't fair to either person. The new person wants a fair shot, am I correct? I would if the tables were turned. I think that the fact that he hasn't responded to your message this last time does not mean that you were dumped. Give him space and time. I think if you are still interested in a fair amount of time ( I would say about a month), contact him and maybe suggest that you get together soon if he would like. In my experience, when people start feeling things that are overwhelming and intense, sometimes it's scary and they want to back away from the situation. Particularly coming out of a long relationship. I can relate to your situation except the flip side...it's tempting to rebound, but the best thing is to not get involved with anyone until you get your mind and heart put back together. It gets scary. No rush, time doesn't matter if it's a good thing. +1 for this post. I completely agree. Someone coming out of a 5 year relationship could get scared away very easily esp. at the prospect of a new relationship. You're probably a wonderful person, but they may not be ready for that just yet. Their minds and hearts are very messed up and need time to heal. I agree too, you really weren't dumped in the sense that they didn't like you. Its them and they are telling you they can't handle this at the moment.
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