Girlfriend Troubles

[Pax]

Alright, so I just joined the forums after reading several requests for advice from other members and none of the stories I read quite lined up with the situation I'm in right now so I decided to join and put my question out there and see how the masses advise.

 

The story of me and my girlfriend started in 2009. I'm currently 29 years old and she is 38. We've both been married and divorced and we both of children of our own, but none together. She was treated horribly by a few men (physically, emotionally) and has scars to document her journey through Hell. She says she likes confident men and isn't really much on physical appearance. She likes to be in control and the decision maker in all things in our lives except in the bedroom where she's very submissive and wants me to be very demanding and etc with her. We've both agreed that this arrangement is something we both really like. She's very introverted and doesn't like to talk about feelings at all. She says I like to have serious conversations and she finds my attempts to talk to her about something emotional to be annoying.

 

When we met, I was with another woman but found myself smitten with her. Instead of cheating (which I believe is incredibly, disgustingly wrong) I broke of the relationship with the girl and pursued my now-girlfriend. The relationship lasted about 3 months and ended when I "failed a test" of hers which was exactly this: She broke up with me to "explore other avenues" and broke off 90% of contact. 2 weeks after, the ex came around and visited me. At some point, the now-girlfriend drove by my house and saw the old-girlfriend's car in the parking lot of the apartments. She accused me of "cheating" and when I asked her pointedly how it was cheating after she broke up with me 2 weeks prior, she referred to the test thing and the discussion would also turn into a loop. Things when from bad to worse and we had a huge meltdown between us and didn't really speak at all for almost 14 months.

 

We worked together at the time and so contact was inevitable. Eventually, we were friends and then friends "with benefits" and everything was going very well. I had told her more than once that I really wanted to be with her and she meant the world to me, but she usually dismissed it. One day, she confessed to me that she was considering getting back with an ex of hers that stalked her while we were together before (including spycams, following her, destroying her property, and, although we can't prove it, installing spy software on her iPhone) and I nearly freaked. We had a long talk about how I would do anything to keep her away from him because he is psycho including giving up my hopes to be with her ever again. Like, to the point of never mentioning it, never calling her etc etc. A couple days after that, March 1st, 2011 to be exact, she told me that she wanted to be a couple again so long as I respected some borderlines. I agreed.

 

That brings us up to date and to the problem. The last week or 2 weeks, she's become increasingly distant. 2 months ago, our sex life was on fire and out of control, but she was unemployed and didn't have much to do, according to her, but sit around and think about sex. Now relations happen perhaps once a week and it's become lackluster. Routine. She isn't as involved as before. She's also become very quiet and distant with me. I have asked her if there's something wrong or if she's happy or not and she responds positively, but usually with only a single word and it's the quiet game again. I know she sees the psycho ex maybe once a month for lunch while she's at work, but I trust her and I do not think she's being unfaithful.

 

While we live apart, 3 weeks ago she was spending every night she could with me in my apartment. The last several days she hasn't seemed interested in coming to see me, but says she doesn't care if I come out to her house and stay till night time, but I can't stay overnight because of her mother (who lives with her) doesn't believe it to be proper, even between adults that aren't married.

 

The only thing that has changed regarding me that I know of is I quit my job due to some political drama and am seeking new employment while attending school online. I'm planning on living on GI Bill benefits and Federal Student Aid till I can find something that's appealing to my financial needs. I made her very upset 2 weeks ago because I hadn't cleaned up my apartment and she really dislikes clutter and mess. After that, she had said that I had been annoying with mood swings and not wanting to do things for her, but the truth is I love spoiling her! The only mood swings I'm aware of is when she's acting distant and I try to get her to talk and she just shuts me down cold and I get upset that she doesn't want to tell me what's going on, so immature as it is, I guess I play the quiet game back and just stare out the window or concentrate on some homework or something.

 

I often meet her while she's on lunch and today, she mentioned just randomly that she "may have to take me off her car insurance" and she sited that with me on the policy, rates went up $35. Her ex used to be on the policy and there were no issues. Her ex is older than I am, but I haven't had a spending ticket, accident or anything else in 11 years.

 

I'm wanting to see if anyone out there has any idea how to reach her. Any suggestions on how to get her to open up and tell me what's going on in her head and heart. Any way to reassure her that I love her and would do anything in the world to see her happy and smile? I apologize for the long read, but I just wanted to make sure I got everything covered since, at this point, I honestly have no idea what's going on with the woman of my dreams. PLEASE HELP!