lss1984 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I've been dating a guy for about three months now. At the beginning of our relationship, at a concert, he introduced me to a woman he works with. The woman was sitting behind us and proceeded to rub his back and feel on him. (Before we started dating he asked her out and she said no because she didnt want to complicate things at work) I told him I felt disrespected by her and that I didn't like her as he invited her and her "boyfriend" to attend another concert with us. (The "boyfriend" lives in another country and no one has ever met him) So he said he would take care of it. She said she wouldn't be able to attend the concert and he proceeded to tell her I didn't like her. Since then she and her "boyfriend" broke up. She asks my boyfriend if were still together and since then they have gone out to lunch together, just the two of them. I proceeded to bring this up as a problem for me, I also told him I would never ask him not to be friends with someone but that I would expect some of the dimensions of his friendships to change. He acted like he didn't get it and said "I can't guarantee you anything." Should he be able to go out with this woman or is he being selfish?
praxisdorian Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 There are so many problems with the scenario, I have no idea where to begin. First... If it makes you uncomfortable, a MAN would fix it. And the fix is simple. He tells the other woman to "go away. Don't call me, dont text me, don't google me, just stop". Think of it this way... BOYS... live life for what women, pets, etc... can do for them. MEN... live their lives for what they can do for their woman, kids, pets, etc... I don't usually tout books... but the best I have seen when defining masculine/feminine dynamics is "Getting to I Do". You should take a short break from fretting about this guy and read this.
bluenightowl Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 He's into her, there is no question. And the fact the he has a GF (ie. you) makes him more attractive to her. I can't tell you the number of times women whom would not date me, then suddenly wanted to go out once I had a GF. He probably really likes you, but hasn't gotten over the rejection of this women he once fancied.
In A Rut Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 What your boyfriend is doing is unacceptable. If a girl did that to me, I'd take it as a mark of disrespect and I would dump her over it. People who can't stay committed to someone shouldn't be in a relationship. He is probably having sex with this girl behind your back. He doesn't respect you or the relationship, so do yourself a favour and find a man who will respect you and the relationship you'll have with each other.
O'Malley Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I proceeded to bring this up as a problem for me, I also told him I would never ask him not to be friends with someone but that I would expect some of the dimensions of his friendships to change. He acted like he didn't get it and said "I can't guarantee you anything." Should he be able to go out with this woman or is he being selfish? He gets it, but he's not going to change his behavior. She's not a longtime platonic friend; she's someone he's still trying to lay romantic/sexual groundwork with. As he still prioritizes her, he won't guarantee that he'll stop interacting with her, nor will he guarantee that he won't throw you under the bus should this woman decide to date him. And this is all in the space of three months.
LurkerXX Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 This isn't someone you have been on a couple of dates with; you have been with him for three months! He is telling you everything you need but don't want to hear when he says "I can't guarantee you anything." That means he will explore other options. If you feel more at this point, that won't be alright for YOU (and most others). I would make your expectations clear, but I am fairly sure he will get together with here anyway. It would be best to walk away than let him toy with you.
january2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Only if your partner agrees. And you don't. I agree with Lurkerxx, he's telling you everything you need but don't want to hear. Don't be the back up while these two make you look foolish. Someone in a relationship shouldn't be made to feel like a fifth wheel in the company of her partner and another woman.
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