rie39 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 From my experience, yes. And I understand one reason this happens to many women could be because of a hormone called oxytocin, or the 'cuddle hormone', which is secreted in women's bodies during sex or intimacy (even just touching). This makes them feel a bond with their sexual partner. Though this wouldn't be the only reason. I think one reason I tend to feel more emotionally attached after I have sex with a guy is because I am the kind of person who just gets attached to people easily. I just feel more comfortable with a guy after we have been intimate with each other and shared our bodies. And also it would be because the guy I have recently been very intimate with has shown respect for me and my body which makes the sex more meaningful.
Cypress25 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I'm sure you are right but I can't relate to this. I have never felt attached to someone I didn't like - but then again I don't have sex with men I don't like in the first place. No matter how much alcohol is involved or how good looking he is I meant she has sex with a guy who turns into someone she doesn't like. You know, the relationship starts out great, the guy is respectful and sweet and charming, they eventually have sex, and then he gradually shows his true colors and starts treating her like crap, they start fighting all the time, etc. At that point, it may be harder for the girl to walk away from the relationship because she feels attached to him, even though he no longer treats her very well.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I meant she has sex with a guy who turns into someone she doesn't like. You know, the relationship starts out great, the guy is respectful and sweet and charming, they eventually have sex, and then he gradually shows his true colors and starts treating her like crap, they start fighting all the time, etc. At that point, it may be harder for the girl to walk away from the relationship because she feels attached to him, even though he no longer treats her very well. Been there ... yes...
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I meant she has sex with a guy who turns into someone she doesn't like. You know, the relationship starts out great, the guy is respectful and sweet and charming, they eventually have sex, and then he gradually shows his true colors and starts treating her like crap, they start fighting all the time, etc. At that point, it may be harder for the girl to walk away from the relationship because she feels attached to him, even though he no longer treats her very well. That happens to men too. They just don't want to admit it.
OliveOyl Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 I meant she has sex with a guy who turns into someone she doesn't like. You know, the relationship starts out great, the guy is respectful and sweet and charming, they eventually have sex, and then he gradually shows his true colors and starts treating her like crap, they start fighting all the time, etc. At that point, it may be harder for the girl to walk away from the relationship because she feels attached to him, even though he no longer treats her very well. While I think it's possible to get a bit blinded by sex, this kind of thing you're talking about usually happens months or even a year or two in, well beyond the time when most people start having sex in a relationship. Just the simple passage of time (a couple of months or more) leads people to be attached, not just the fact that they've had sex. I don't know if it's possible to really get to know someone well enough to know whether there's a future... and yet not get attached at the same time. Is it possible? In my opinion, it's the risk of embarking on any relationship.
Cypress25 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Just the simple passage of time (a couple of months or more) leads people to be attached, not just the fact that they've had sex. This can be true, depending on the person and the situation. I'm just using myself as an example. In college, I was with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. It was a great relationship, we were in love, etc. But we never had sex because I wasn't ready. (I'm a late bloomer, lol.) But eventually we started to have problems and neither of us was happy anymore, so we broke up. I didn't cry. I wasn't even sad. I was mostly just relieved to be out of a relationship that was no longer happy. I walked away quite easily, even after 2.5 years. After college, I dated another guy for 8 months. Again, it was great while it lasted, but when we started to have problems, we broke up. Never had sex with him either. It was easy for me to let go of that relationship. No tears, no sadness, I just moved on. Which brings me to the guy I lost my virginity to. OK, I understand that the attachment would be particularly strong because he was my first and I had waited a long time. Our relationship was great for awhile, but when we started to have problems, we REALLY had problems. I'd never had so much drama and fighting in a relationship before. It turned into, hands down, the worst relationship I've ever had. And yet, I continued to hold on, even though he made me cry all the time (I had never cried over a guy before). When we broke up, I cried. I missed him. I wanted to see him again. Never quite got over him. Why? He was a jerk! Missing him didn't make any sense. We weren't even together that long, only 5 months. I was like "dammit, I should never have sex! It changes everything." But that's just my personal experience. In my case, not having sex definitely allowed me to stay a little detached, even though I did have feelings for the guy. Then I go and have sex, and all of a sudden, I can't let go.
9Lives Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 I think if you continue to have sex with someone often, you begin to get attached because sex is part of the mix. If you don't have sex, you have not given your all to a certain degree. Majority of women start to get hooked when they start having sex with someone they LIKE! I notice guys I don't like that much, if they don't show up for our date, I'm ok with it. BUT if I had sex with him and I like him....I get upset if we don't go out together. I date a lot but I only been sleeping with one guy and I like him the most. The other guys are cool too. I think cause I'm not sleeping with the other guys, I have a level head and not so disappointed when things don't go right with them. I do believe sex can be very powerful emotionally at times.
OliveOyl Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 This can be true, depending on the person and the situation. I'm just using myself as an example. In college, I was with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. It was a great relationship, we were in love, etc. But we never had sex because I wasn't ready. (I'm a late bloomer, lol.) But eventually we started to have problems and neither of us was happy anymore, so we broke up. I didn't cry. I wasn't even sad. I was mostly just relieved to be out of a relationship that was no longer happy. I walked away quite easily, even after 2.5 years. After college, I dated another guy for 8 months. Again, it was great while it lasted, but when we started to have problems, we broke up. Never had sex with him either. It was easy for me to let go of that relationship. No tears, no sadness, I just moved on. Which brings me to the guy I lost my virginity to. OK, I understand that the attachment would be particularly strong because he was my first and I had waited a long time. Our relationship was great for awhile, but when we started to have problems, we REALLY had problems. I'd never had so much drama and fighting in a relationship before. It turned into, hands down, the worst relationship I've ever had. And yet, I continued to hold on, even though he made me cry all the time (I had never cried over a guy before). When we broke up, I cried. I missed him. I wanted to see him again. Never quite got over him. Why? He was a jerk! Missing him didn't make any sense. We weren't even together that long, only 5 months. I was like "dammit, I should never have sex! It changes everything." But that's just my personal experience. In my case, not having sex definitely allowed me to stay a little detached, even though I did have feelings for the guy. Then I go and have sex, and all of a sudden, I can't let go. Your story is interesting, and thank you for sharing. However, while I think sex does deepen attachment, it's more complicated than "if you have sex, you'll get attached" or "if you don't have sex/wait a long time, you won't get attached." I'll never forget in college I fell deep for a guy who was just a friend. We spent every day together for a few months. After some time, he moved away and transferred to another college. I was gutted and cried for days. However the most physical contact we'd had was hugging and holding hands. It took a long time (maybe even a year or so) to get "over" him. Sex does change things. I fully admit that. Perhaps the sex was what bonded you more to the last guy, but it could have been something else too... just the unique chemistry you had with him.
Cypress25 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 However, while I think sex does deepen attachment, it's more complicated than "if you have sex, you'll get attached" or "if you don't have sex/wait a long time, you won't get attached." Oh, of course, it's not a guarantee for everyone. People are different. And there are different levels of attachment. With the guys I didn't have sex with, it's not like I wasn't attached at all. We still had an emotional connection, but the attachment wasn't so strong that it overruled all rational thought. The feelings were there, but I could still think clearly.
Author bluenightowl Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Oh, of course, it's not a guarantee for everyone. People are different. And there are different levels of attachment. With the guys I didn't have sex with, it's not like I wasn't attached at all. We still had an emotional connection, but the attachment wasn't so strong that it overruled all rational thought. The feelings were there, but I could still think clearly. So then its two things.. 1) Getting to know a fabulous guy can make you love him.. maybe the lack of sex shows you he is real and it make you think about him more. 2) to some extent just having sex affects some women, but not all. However, you need some sort of connection as well.
MaxNoob Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 LOVE has stages and the 1st one is lust. Not necessarily. The first time I fell in love was when I had a disease that completely wiped out my libido. I was in love with a girl and I felt no lust whatsoever. I even suspected that losing my sense of lust increased my capacity to feel love, in the same way that losing your eyesight gives you a heightened awareness of your other senses like hearing, as you focus on them more. A girl once fell in love just from having conversations with me. I refused her because of my illness, so she slept with other guys, but it never affected her love for me. 2 years later, I recovered from the disease and asked her out. She was so happy she could hardly speak; she was still in love with me.
Eeyore79 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 It's usually the other way around. I don't develop feelings for a guy because I had sex with him - I have sex with him because I've developed feelings for him. Then I (sometimes wrongly) assume that because we had sex that means he's also developed feelings for me. This is why I hold off on sex until I'm sure he does have feelings for me.
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