mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Most of you know my story. I was dumped and have been in N.C. for approx. 6 weeks. Two days before being dumped I lost my expensive gold necklace somewhere in her backyard. 1 day after the breakup I asked her to look for it but with emotions flying everywhere I'm not sure she remembered or did. I want to send her an email simply reminding her to look for it and if she does find it mail it back to me. Nothing else. No how are you,, I still love you, how could you have done this to me etc. etc. Short and to the point!! I do know if she found it she would NOT keep it/ sell it whatever, Really! Bad idea? What would you do?
Author mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Gold prices are thru the roof. It's worth $500.00 I want it back!
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I'd say that's reasonable, just keep it purely business. Yesterday I was near my ex for a job interview, so I stopped by his work and left a bag of some clothes on his car that I had found after giving his things back. Funny thing was, THAT was what sparked him trying to make contact. I kept it purely business and he tried his hardest to get me to agree to meed up so he could give me back things that were at his place which I had told him after the breakup to just pitch them. He also apologized, which I ignored because I'm not ready to forgive the things he did and said to me. But now he is pushing a for a meetup and I really can't avoid much longer because he owes me $200 for a plane ticket and he refuses to just mail it, he simply MUST give it to me along with the belongings I don't even want
TheStylist Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 How about get the necklace or contact her after 3months or when you feel like you've totally move on or has no emotions for her anymore? Because once you see or contacted the person again, all emotions will definitely blow you away. It may worsen your recovery. I don't know. Its really hard to trust our emotions, esp if the person still means so much to us.
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 How about get the necklace or contact her after 3months or when you feel like you've totally move on or has no emotions for her anymore? Because once you see or contacted the person again, all emotions will definitely blow you away. It may worsen your recovery. I don't know. Its really hard to trust our emotions, esp if the person still means so much to us. Everytime you want to call/text/be friendly with your ex, read this advice you gave the OP. We are much better at facing reality when it involves someone else and we all give great relationship advice but can never take our own.
Author mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) How about get the necklace or contact her after 3months or when you feel like you've totally move on or has no emotions for her anymore? Because once you see or contacted the person again, all emotions will definitely blow you away. It may worsen your recovery. I don't know. Its really hard to trust our emotions, esp if the person still means so much to us. I'm sure she still feels alittle guilty for how/why she dumped me and I'd like to email her this now instead of months down the road when she's completely over me too and then may decide to keep it?? I've drafted the email and it really is short and to the point and added if, when you find it just mail it back,, I don't want or need a reply from this email. Also I'm afraid it may make her wanting to email me back with, how are you? what have you been up to and so on. I doubt that cause shes happy and with the love of her life now. Edited September 28, 2011 by mike588
TheStylist Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Everytime you want to call/text/be friendly with your ex, read this advice you gave the OP. We are much better at facing reality when it involves someone else and we all give great relationship advice but can never take our own. Ouch! Yeah, it's so true. Now, I messed up my recovery. I was doing really good with my 9days of NC although the first 3days were the hardest that I became so panicky and shaking because of wanting to call or text him. So now, I think I'm in denial. I deny the pain and block any emotions. Back to square one minus the emotion. I don't even know if I'm making any sense now. Whew!
M2155 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Chances are if she is trying to put the past behind her, she probably won't want to meet you for some time time. Once it's over/done/forgotten I'd be more inclined to return it on my own if I were her, but right now (assuming she has guilt- but maybe not if she's really moved on) I'd be suspicious that you've waited this long. I know I have friends I have had to cut off and the last thing I want to do is face them in person (yep, guess I'm just as bad!). If it's worth that much to you, you could ask her to, or provide a way for her to send it UPS or something. If she thinks that's ridiculous she'll offer to return it personally- probably best when you're not home.
Mack05 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Mike! NO! You are just using this as an excuse to reconnect with her. She will think you are nuts for getting back in contact, over something so small. No good can come of this..It's a necklace, let it go. It's part of your past, along with her. When are you going to stop obsessing about something you can never change or will ever understand and just focus solely on the future..?? From the book getting past your breakup... I just need to give this stuff back...People become very creative in finding ways to stay in contact with their exe's. One of the most innocent ploys you hear about is when one person insists on retrieving something - a piece of clothing, a household item that belongs to him or her. Think about how important the item really is. If you need to return it, put it in a box and mail it. No note, no nothing. If you are the one who wants it, think about it. Is it worth more than your sanity?Probably not. Making a clean break is important, so clear up loose ends immediately. Avoid keeping anything or leaving anything that can be asked for later on. If you still have things return them. If there are things you have left behind ask for them once more (if its important to you) otherwise forget it and move on.
Author mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 I DO NOT want to see her!! No way!! I'm not trying to reconnect with her. I just want my $500.00+ necklace back. It's somewhere in her yard. If I send the email I made it PERFECT CLEAR, DO NOT call me/ text me just mail it back. Again nothing else like, I miss you,, I still love you, how are you.! Its an extremely short email: If you ever come across my gold necklace mail it back, Don't call, dont text just mail it back. Now if it was an item, clothing, CD, Movie ect. I'd NEVER ask for to keep a lookout for it.
Mack05 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) I DO NOT want to see her!! No way!! I'm not trying to reconnect with her. I just want my $500.00+ necklace back. It's somewhere in her yard. If I send the email I made it PERFECT CLEAR, DO NOT call me/ text me just mail it back. Again nothing else like, I miss you,, I still love you, how are you.! Its an extremely short email: If you ever come across my gold necklace mail it back, Don't call, dont text just mail it back. Now if it was an item, clothing, CD, Movie ect. I'd NEVER ask for to keep a lookout for it. The chances of getting the necklace back are miniscule at best. If she found it, she would have mailed it back by now or got in contact with you wondering where she could sent it to. If she knows the worth, there is a chance this has already been sold to a pawn shop or drapped around the new guy's neck (god forbid). A good person finds away of getting your necklace back. A not go good person, does god knows what with it. I am quite sure your ex is person B. Mike you can kid yourself saying you are doing this just for the necklace but that is all you are doing. Kidding yourself. You are doing this subconsciously to reconnect. Hoping she will reply to you. Either way considering the chances of you getting this item back, it's just not worth breaking NC.. Even if you get it back, it will be a constant reminder of her. $500 dollars boo hoo. There are far more important things in life more then money. Self respect is one. Keep yours, don't break NC Edited September 28, 2011 by Mack05
Author mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 How is doing that losing my self respect?? It's like a business deal in away. I can see losing my self respect if I was emailing her asking her how she's doing or me begging, pleading to get back or wanting answers for her decision she made. I KNOW IN MY HEART she won't respond and again I don't want her to regardless of what others may think. I'm not rich and I'd like to have it back to sell it. She did'nt buy it for me.
Author mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Ok,your point is good. I won't email her about it. Maybe if/when she come across it she will contact me. I'm afraid it will stir up her emotions also and give her an opportunity to contact me. Damn, possibility $500.00 down the drain!
Mack05 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 How is doing that losing my self respect?? It's like a business deal in away. I can see losing my self respect if I was emailing her asking her how she's doing or me begging, pleading to get back or wanting answers for her decision she made. I KNOW IN MY HEART she won't respond and again I don't want her to regardless of what others may think. I'm not rich and I'd like to have it back to sell it. She did'nt buy it for me. If you are not rich, why on earth do you buy a 500 dollar necklace? The thing is Mike, you made your mind up to break NC before you posted this thread and that is what you are going to do. Either way she will see this as weakness (no matter how you phrase the mail) and (in my eyes at least) you are giving your power back to her. You can be sure, she will tell her friends and they will probably have a laugh and she will **** it in a bin in front of them. No good can come of this Mike. If you ever get this necklace back, I will fly out to the mid west in November (as I will be in the US) and buy you free beer and food all night..Probably just gave you a reason to break NC , but am like 99.99% sure you will never see this necklace again. Therefore it's not worth breaking NC
Author mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) If you are not rich, why on earth do you buy a 500 dollar necklace? The thing is Mike, you made your mind up to break NC before you posted this thread and that is what you are going to do. Either way she will see this as weakness (no matter how you phrase the mail) and (in my eyes at least) you are giving your power back to her. You can be sure, she will tell her friends and they will probably have a laugh and she will **** it in a bin in front of them. No good can come of this Mike. If you ever get this necklace back, I will fly out to the mid west in November (as I will be in the US) and buy you free beer and food all night..Probably just gave you a reason to break NC , but am like 99.99% sure you will never see this necklace again. Therefore it's not worth breaking NC Yep your right. I've had the necklace for 15 years so I did'nt buy it recently.I really don't want to go on and on with some of your answers but how is that showing weakness/ giving her back her power when it's 110% over between us?? I can understand breaking n.c. if I was/she was hoping to get back together but that's NOT gonna happen!! Again she's happy now with the love of her life! I simply just wanted to remind her to keep a lookout for it cause I'm not sure she even remembers I lost it, not to dig up the yard looking for it. Anyway your right,,, I'm Not going to send it! Thanks. Can you elobrate on the weakness/ power thing though. It would seem if you were hoping to get back together you would want the power. But since it's over does it matter anymore? Edited September 28, 2011 by mike588
radiodarcy Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 but if it doesn't matter anymore why create an entire thread asking us if you should contact her to get it back in the first place? not only that -- why continue to keep the thread going? all that matters is it's over as far as you're concerned and you want your necklace back. a brief emailto that effect is fine but send it when you're ready. based on the fact that you've been going back and forth with the other posters over what should be - - as you're insisting - - an open and shut case it doesn't come across that you are over the break up or ready to contact her about getting it back yet. it just seems like while your brain is convinced that it's over, the message is taking time to get to your heart. and that's normal. just give it time. six weeks isn't really a lot of time.
M2155 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I'm afraid it will stir up her emotions also and give her an opportunity to contact me. This was the statement I thought was questionable Mike. Who cares if she contacts you? And you said "in your heart you know she won't respond". I lost money on my ex too that I'm living without. Now I do have a necklace that had I left/lost it at his place, I'd ask for it back, but I would have done it right away. I'd have gone over and looked for it myself the next day. Actually it meant so much to me, I'd have been looking as soon as I lost it. If I were her your timing would be suspicious. If the situation were reversed I promise you would be on here asking "Why did she wait till now? Is she just using this as an excuse to get in touch with me?" I agree with Mack05 if she found it and was half decent, she will mail it to you, or maybe she didn't find it. As the dumpee, I would have pawned it. That's why I say if you absolutely must have it back, send her a UPS envelope or something if you think you are over it.
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Ouch! Yeah, it's so true. Now, I messed up my recovery. I was doing really good with my 9days of NC although the first 3days were the hardest that I became so panicky and shaking because of wanting to call or text him. So now, I think I'm in denial. I deny the pain and block any emotions. Back to square one minus the emotion. I don't even know if I'm making any sense now. Whew! We all have been through it. Sometimes it takes some tough love from an impartial third party to help us see reality.
Author mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 This was the statement I thought was questionable Mike. Who cares if she contacts you? And you said "in your heart you know she won't respond". I lost money on my ex too that I'm living without. Now I do have a necklace that had I left/lost it at his place, I'd ask for it back, but I would have done it right away. I'd have gone over and looked for it myself the next day. Actually it meant so much to me, I'd have been looking as soon as I lost it. If I were her your timing would be suspicious. If the situation were reversed I promise you would be on here asking "Why did she wait till now? Is she just using this as an excuse to get in touch with me?" I agree with Mack05 if she found it and was half decent, she will mail it to you, or maybe she didn't find it. As the dumpee, I would have pawned it. That's why I say if you absolutely must have it back, send her a UPS envelope or something if you think you are over it. Yes I guess it would look suspicious by emailing her 6, 7 weeks now reminding her about it. I wanted to do it MANY weeks ago but didn't want to break N.C. because I was still somewhat hoping we may work things out but now I thats not gonna happen! You both are right, Thanks for slapping me into some sense, I'm not sending the email. Maybe I'll just mail her a prepaid envelope with a note saying: If you come across my necklace put it in here and stick it in the mail box, nothing else, nothing! Thanks M2155
Rorschach64 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I purchased a $1,800 laptop and I visited my ex-fiancee in Singapore which then she announced she wanted to take a break because of the typical reasons of no attraction and most likely there was someone else. Before I left she asked to borrow my laptop since her MAC just took a huge dump and I thought oh yeah sure no problem whatevers glad to help not thinking she would use it to spy on me and make up some bs excuse that I was cheating on her. Long story short, I told her to send my $1,800 laptop and my dog tags back to me asap and 4 months later of NC, nothing. Mack is right, if she was going to send it she would have, especially since you already told her to and that is all you can do at this point. I am not going to break NC for my stuff and neither should you!
Author mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Thanks again espically M2155 and Mack05. Again your right. I'll accept the loss of the necklace and won't even do the mail thing. Did'nt think if she would of found it she would of contacted me. I'll stick with N.C. permantly and just let her live with her guilt and her knowing how well I treated her. Her loss!
Mack05 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Thanks again espically M2155 and Mack05. Again your right. I'll accept the loss of the necklace and won't even do the mail thing. Did'nt think if she would of found it she would of contacted me. I'll stick with N.C. permantly and just let her live with her guilt and her knowing how well I treated her. Her loss! It is her loss Mike. Anyone with half a brain cell can see you are a good man and anyone woman would be lucky to have you, as you have so much to offer the right girl. Instead of looking backwards and focusing on a woman that will never deserve your love, focus on yourself. When the time is right, you find a woman truly deserving of your love. Right now you are making it harder to find the right woman, because you are feeling sorry for yourself and focusing solely on your ex. This is time wasted, as you will see down the line. Sometimes when times are hard its easy to be negative. "She was my last shot at happiness etc etc" but I can assure you Mike you are too good a man not to meet the right girl. Put the work in on yourself (get to gym, be a better friend/family, volunteer, focus on past mistakes, forgive your ex, Self belief, improving self esteem etc etc etc) and IT WILL HAPPEN...
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