shylock Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 My dad has always sheltered me. Now that I'm older I see it clearly. He doesn't want me around men, not even family members. I remember having a male neighbor when I was about 5 or 6 he was the same age and my dad stopped me from playing with him. I couldn't go outside if he was outside. Sometimes if I wear makeup he looks at me strange, and if I talk about things he acts like I shouldn't know about them. Like somebody else had to tell me. For instance, I was talking about my car and the type of brakes it has, and he goes "who told you that?" as if I don't have a mind of my own. If I buy a new outfit he always notices. If I express my opinion he thinks it's not my own or that I'm copying someone else. How can I get it through his head that I'm my own person and that wearing makeup and nice outfits has nothing to do with seeking male attention or [moderated - please ignore post]? I'm 23 so I've been around alcohol, but he doesn't like my mom and I to go to some restaurants at night because he doesn't want me around people drinking, but if he goes with us it's ok. This makes no sense to me. He doesn't like for my mom to go to the gas station alone, doesn't want me to take my car to the shop (he has to do it), and the list goes on. I feel like he doesn't think I'm a real person, and I'm naïve which I'm not. Is it normal for men to be like this with their daughters or is this controlling behavior? He has never talked to me about [moderated - please ignore post], drugs, or anything actually maybe that why he thinks I'm so stupid. He's like this with my mom too. She bought perfume from the mall and he threw it away because he thought another man brought it for her. (Even though I was with her when she bought it and told him that. obviously he thought she told me to say it). What should I do? A part of me wants to run far away from him, but he is my father. Should I talk to him about it, even though he'll probably think someone told me what to say?? He makes my mom do is homework (he went back to school) at night after she works all day. Her blood pressure is high, and he doesn't care. She cooks for him almost every night because he doesn't eat left overs... He doesn't like for her to buy new clothes. I bought her a night gown for xmas and she hasn't worn it. She has to call home from work when she leaves her desk, has a mtg., when she gets to work and at luch! It's gotten to the point where he won't let her have a full tank of gas in her car. I can't live like this anymore, but my mom won't leave him! What to do?
oldguy Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Dads tend to be protective of their daughters although what your describing is extreme. Why are you still there? And does he have any good qualities?
stillafool Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I had an overprotective Dad. Heck, he still is and I'm 50. It wasn't just him my Mom, aunts, uncles and older cousins were too protective. I felt I couldn't live my own life so you know what I did? I move 3000 miles away from them to California. Why don't you get a roommate and move out?
Eve Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Yeah, sounds extreme to me too. Sounds like your Dad feels like he has to be in control of 'the girls' in the house. Some level of protectiveness is normal but this sounds like cultural ideals/controlling behaviours. Your Mum sounds run down by it. Don't feel you have to stay for your Mum. Take care, Eve x
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