irc333 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I was browsing through the ads, saw a relatively decent profile, until she started listing her criteria. One part of it said was "Financially secure" (meaning, I make 6 figures, so you should too) I thought financially secure meant, not in debt, doesn't spend money foolishly, saves money even, pays their own bills, etc But, isn't there just something pompous about that remark, I found it ironic she was on a FREE dating site.
oldguy Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 But, isn't there just something pompous about that remark, I found it ironic she was on a FREE dating site. That is pretty funny. I think being financially secure means making more than you spend even after putting a little of each paycheck into savings.
ascendotum Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I was browsing through the ads, saw a relatively decent profile, until she started listing her criteria. One part of it said was "Financially secure" (meaning, I make 6 figures, so you should too) I thought financially secure meant, not in debt, doesn't spend money foolishly, saves money even, pays their own bills, etc But, isn't there just something pompous about that remark, I found it ironic she was on a FREE dating site. 'Financially secure' has always been code for make decent money, own your home, maybe have investments, its just a nicer way of saying it. 'not in debt, saves money even, pays their own bills, is a given. I guess it depends on what the woman's profession is, in terms of what her level of secure is.
CarrieT Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 It is a matter of relativity. To me, financially secure means that after the bills are paid, some is put into savings and there is still some left over for entertainment; dinners out, occasional travel, etc. It does not need to mean six-figures but there is nothing more depressing than dating a guy who complains about the cost of dinner (even when going dutch) or not being able to go to an occasional concert. Much of it is about attitude; if one HEARS complaints about how expensive things are, then they are not financially secure. There are a ton of dates that can be arranged without spending a lot of money and I love a guy who will put together a frugal date without making it feel cheap. I've had guys who make twice or three times what I make and they whine and moan about the costs of things which makes me believe they are not financially secure. I don't make a ton of money, but I keep a portion aside for entertainment and never let the guy know when I can't afford something. Sometimes I will suck it up and be frugal later to participate and sometimes I will be the one who treats for the date just to have it reciprocated later.
soserious1 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 To me the term "Financially Secure" means that a person is able to easily meet their ongoing obligations. IE: I pay alimony but am able to meet this obligation while still owning a home & supporting myself in a reasonable manner. When I ask that someone be "Financially Secure" I'm trying to weed out people who I might end up having to subsidize,you don't need to be rich but you do need to be able to pay for your own life without assistance from me.
CarrieT Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Yeah,and maybe he hasn't eaten in 2 days. But who cares, right? A man who hasn't eaten in two days is probably more concerned with finding a meal than spending time making dates with women, knowing that said date is going to involve SOME form of monetary commitment, even a small one...
soserious1 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 That definition of ''financially secure'' was valid until the global economy stepped in. Now, financially secure means '' he has a decent job,'' but it won't take long for women to line-up and to fight for the men who have any job, doesn't matter how little it ranks in the social status scale. That teenager whose faced is filled with acne. He'll have tons of teenager pussy. That man cleaning the streets? He'll be seen with different women on a regular basis. This ''crisis'' has nothing to do with a possibility to revert itself through that united efforts of mankind. This is the end of western civilization; no jobs available, college degrees aren't worth much more than toilet paper,extremely low birth rates, almost non-existent shared households(couples living together), and a complete lack of hope for a better tomorrow. either accept that pussy is becoming very cheap - one could consider it to be free - for the average man, and drink to the satisfaction of all your desires; or utilize the obsolete dating blue - print and only have one woman in your life instead of building an harem of them. Yeah,and maybe he hasn't eaten in 2 days. But who cares, right? I would think that if a person hasn't eaten in 2 days they've got more pressing issues to occupy their time than hitting online dating sites. There's a huge difference between helping & being fiscally supportive of a man you're in an established relationship with who's fallen on hard times & in hooking up with a person who's a fiscal train wreck right from the start.
betterdeal Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 But, isn't there just something pompous about that remark, I found it ironic she was on a FREE dating site. I see what you're getting at, but being canny with your money and earning a lot aren't mutually exclusive: just cos you earn it doesn't mean you have to spend it, right? But I agree the comment sounded like pretty clumsy boast about their income.
soserious1 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) Only paying for the people with whom one is already in a relationship would leave an enormous amount of women out of the dating world, as women(especially the younger ones) don't do the dutch thing. That's their problem then isn't it? If men simply refuse to pick up the tab, women will either learn to open their wallets to pay their fair share of dating expenses or they'll sit at home alone. I like a decent dinner, a glass of wine or a good scotch on my dates & have no trouble paying for them, I also usually chose to pay for the entire date (I slip away during the meal to cover the bill) lol, I'd rather pay the bill than be stuck packing peanut butter sandwiches to eat in the park on some "free" date lol Edited September 28, 2011 by soserious1
soserious1 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I don't think that'd happen. Women already put out for the Alpha males without the Alphas having to go through the dating-payment-scheme that many women enroll on, so if men stop paying, women will just shrug it off and dedicate themselves, wholly, and more permanently to Alpha males. I consider dating costs to fall under the category of entertainment, if I was struggling to meet my basic obligations, entertainment costs would be the first things to be cut. Fixing my fiscal issues on my own would be my priority, not looking to find some man to sponge off of. As to the rest,nobody is owed sex or a relationship with anyone, much as we might wish it. The best one can do is to decide what their values are regarding this issue & to steer clear of prospective partners who don't share those beliefs.
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 In online dating I think when a woman uses the term Financially Secure she is telling you that she can take care of herself and pay her own bills and she isn't looking for you "the guy" to date her and pay her way thru life. So it is a code word that she isn't looking for a free ride from the guy she dates/has a relationship with.
stillafool Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I was browsing through the ads, saw a relatively decent profile, until she started listing her criteria. One part of it said was "Financially secure" (meaning, I make 6 figures, so you should too) I thought financially secure meant, not in debt, doesn't spend money foolishly, saves money even, pays their own bills, etc But, isn't there just something pompous about that remark, I found it ironic she was on a FREE dating site. Maybe she just wants a man to know that she doesn't need him for his money. Isn't that a good thing? At least a guy would know she isn't a gold digger and he doesn't have to spend his money but can still get sex.
Pasttense Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Maybe she just wants a man to know that she doesn't need him for his money. Isn't that a good thing? At least a guy would know she isn't a gold digger and he doesn't have to spend his money but can still get sex. No, the "Financially Secure" was the criteria she wanted for the guy--not a description of herself. This can very quite a little in meaning. For some women it means the guy should be upper middle class, while for a women whose just has part-time minimum wage jobs a guy with a solid $40,000 year income may look very good. Then there are those women whose previous boyfriend constantly mooched off her, so she just wants a guy who won't do that.
thatone Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 you can have money and not have class. you can have class and not have money. or you can have both. 2 out of those 3 will do fine with women, one will not.
carhill Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 My math has failed In the CIS, 'financially secure' is often combined with 'not greedy', which can mean the woman seeks a man who can support her but not be a cheapskate. IMO, the term is individual. When in doubt, ask (the lady).
zengirl Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Financially secure is usually a relative term, to the person writing it. If a woman makes 6 figures, I imagine she would see financially secure as somewhat similar worth as keeping up with her lifestyle would be impossible to do on, say, a perfectly good (depending on where you live) 40,000 salary. It's relative to the person and their life. To me, financially secure means a lifestyle at least comparable to mine, with minimal debt, leftover savings and fun money, and some level of both financial and career security in terms of being able to live comfortably after a layoff but also being very rehirable if that were to happen. I hold men to the same financial standards I hold myself to, but the amount of money is not terribly important. What's more important is how he views money, debt, and such. However, if the woman (or man) does make six figures and intends to live a certain lifestyle and wants each party to be reasonably independent and secure on their own, I can see wanting the same in a partner. I wouldn't be upset if a millionaire told me he didn't want to date me (with my nonprofit education salary) because I would never make enough money. C'est la vie. Money isn't that important to me, beyond a basic standard of living, but he probably sees me as practically impoverished. Some men would care and some men wouldn't----same with women.* *You'll get more women who care about finances for a very simple reason: they plan to have kids. A woman's career is definitely hindered by having kids, as is her salary, so she wants a man who can make enough to make up for that. Some women are actually gold-diggers who have deeper issues, but the general trend is mostly about kids. I'm okay with not having kids, but I'd only have them with a man who made enough money for us to have them comfortably. I don't give two figs about money unless I have kids----then you need lots for everything they need and college and so forth, in addition to the hit to my career and time off. But I'm either/or about kids, so it's never been a big impact.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 OP... why don't you ask HER what her definition of 'financially secure' is?? FYI.. I don't post my salary... I screen for values and character and prefer others who do so as well... In terms of financial health.. I use adjectives like... self-sufficient, responsible financial history, etc. There are people who are millionaires who are over their eyeballs in debt and hate their jobs, travel all the time... blah blah Then there are people with humble salaries who find a way to make due with what they have... and LOVE what they do and are making a positive impact on their communities and people around them. I prefer the latter.
grkBoy Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I was browsing through the ads, saw a relatively decent profile, until she started listing her criteria. One part of it said was "Financially secure" (meaning, I make 6 figures, so you should too) I thought financially secure meant, not in debt, doesn't spend money foolishly, saves money even, pays their own bills, etc But, isn't there just something pompous about that remark, I found it ironic she was on a FREE dating site. If she's got plenty of handsome 6-figure earners emailing her, then there isn't much you can do. If she's been on the site for years now and occasionally posts how there are no decent men out there...or how all the "financially secure" handsome men keep chasing "young trophies", then obviously her financial success really means nothing to these guys. Frankly, I don't see anything wrong with men or women rejecting people because those people are not financially secure...but I define it as you're not sitting on mountains of bad debt, are working a career-worthy job, and make decent money that you could become part of something larger in life, like a family. Unfortunately, many successful women now are realizing that to many men, their success isn't worth anything to the men unless the girl is hot. I've even had one yuppie come clean and say how her career, education, and salary is meaningless to him...but if she's hot, has a nice rack, killer bod, puts out easily, and recognizes him as the top of the food chain...that he'll be on her. Men and women can ask for anything they want...the challenge is if they can GET that. If you're a guy who's not "financially secure", then the deck is stacked against you.
thatone Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 However, if the woman (or man) does make six figures and intends to live a certain lifestyle and wants each party to be reasonably independent and secure on their own, I can see wanting the same in a partner. I wouldn't be upset if a millionaire told me he didn't want to date me (with my nonprofit education salary) because I would never make enough money. C'est la vie. Money isn't that important to me, beyond a basic standard of living, but he probably sees me as practically impoverished. Some men would care and some men wouldn't----same with women.* i think that's much less of an issue with men than women due to traditional roles. i make six figures and honestly don't care whether the women i date have high paying jobs or not. i do care that they have some class regardless of their financial status, but that doesn't require money (i.e., no tattoos, doesn't dress in whore costumes, able to behave properly and be comfortable at formal gatherings, etc.) i'm speaking from the standpoint of someone who found money later, and wasn't born with it. the silver spoon types might have a different opinion due to their families wanting them to marry women of a certain status. i've posted this before but strangely, from my standpoint, i've actually had women make themselves less desirable in their attempts to prove to me while we're dating that they don't need my help or don't need my money. i've dated a couple that started working more hours and refusing little gifts and other such things under the assumption that i would be impressed that they're not gold diggers. but it doesn't work that way.
Author irc333 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Yeah, I think it was kinda funny to find a woman that makes 6 figures on POF, made me even question the fact. Probably because she's in a rather geographically undesirable location where the highest paying job was a school teacher or country bumpkin lawyer with a law office. She did say she travels a lot and distance isn't an issue, so apparently she's willing to meet someone on her travels, even though her "home base" is in BFE.
Art_Critic Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 What does money have to do with where they choose to go for online dating ? Are you saying that only poor people use a free service Maybe you should sit back and think about why any person would use online dating.. 6 figures or not..
SpiralOut Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) Maybe she just wants someone who is able to take care of himself so she doesn't need to worry about him needing/asking her to help support him. My idea of financially secure is a person able to take care of his own bills and the ability to actually handle his money properly. If he needs to ask someone every few weeks to lend him money, that's not a good sign. Edited September 30, 2011 by SpiralOut
Author irc333 Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Maybe she just wants someone who is able to take care of himself so she doesn't need to worry about him needing/asking her to help support him. Perhaps you didn't read what I had written. She makes 6 figures...I'm sure a man with 5 figures can support himself just as easily as she can support HERSELF.
Jynxx Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) She makes 6 figures...I'm sure a man with 5 figures can support himself just as easily as she can support HERSELF. I'm pretty sure everyone in this discussion, including the person who wrote it, is talking about 6 figures per year and not per month. A man (or anyone) making low 5 figures per year might seriously be struggling to keep his head above the water. Edited September 30, 2011 by Jynxx typo
thatone Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 What does money have to do with where they choose to go for online dating ? Are you saying that only poor people use a free service Maybe you should sit back and think about why any person would use online dating.. 6 figures or not.. i only used the free sites too. alternative way to look at it: a person with money will pick up on the fact that pay dating sites are nothing more than a scam to get lonely peoples' money.
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