Lis007 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 that a second chance just might not happen... I feel like its only just dawned on me that this could be it. I don't like being here its awful I feel like its never going to end. I am grateful its amicable, we do the special days, he survives, i survive... I go to work and smile all day and then burst into tears on the way home. I just keep thinking i have survived another day. I always try so hard to be hopeful and look at the bright side but some days its just so hard... Is giving in to reality part of the cycle? no matter how much you wish it just aint going to happen? Does anyone know what i mean?
antz2411 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 you know, you're causing the pain upon yourself. i understand where you are coming from but you really need to stop hoping and move on! you know that saying "hope kills" because it really does! people place higher value with what they can’t have or what they fear losing. When you are rejected or dumped, back off and you make their decision final. Don’t be taken for granted, don’t try to manipulate them back, NEVER try to explain or repair mistakes, don’t try to be friends, don’t change who you are or put on any acts, just cut them off and get on with your life. If they try to get in contact, be polite, but indifferent and don’t give them your time. Your time now is for other things and other people! Finally, if and when you do take them back, do so on your own terms and continue letting them know you can’t be taken for granted!
The_Good_Me Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 that a second chance just might not happen... I feel like its only just dawned on me that this could be it. I don't like being here its awful I feel like its never going to end. I came to this realisation about 6 weeks after being dumped and only then did I start my road to recovery properly. It takes people different lengths of time to come to this realisation and even though it's painful to even think about, it is actually a good step for you. I am grateful its amicable, we do the special days, he survives, i survive... I go to work and smile all day and then burst into tears on the way home. I just keep thinking i have survived another day. "Fake it until you make it". Some days I hate that phrase, mainly because faking it is painful and I feel as though I'm acting falsly around others. I laugh and joke with my friends at work but behind the smiles I'm still in agony. Something you said above is something you need to keep telling yourself "I just keep thinking I have survived another day". You have survived another day and you should be proud that you have. Taking it a day at a time is all you can do and each one is painful. You just have to keep going until the pain starts to lessen. It hurts a lot but you are doing the right thing at the moment, keep grinding through those days. I always try so hard to be hopeful and look at the bright side but some days its just so hard... I know exactly what you mean here. I sometimes have days where I think positively and start imagining myself with a new love, or that one day I will actually come to terms with being alone and still be happy. Other days I think negatively and can sometimes snap myself out of it by thinking positively about the future. There are other days where nothing will bring me out of feeling negative. No amount of positive thinking, no amount of friends trying to help me out of it will work. If I have one of those days I just want to disappear. When I get through one of those days I tend to feel better usually without trying. I think when we feel low and get through a patch of it, relief that we made it through the storm can be uplifting on a subconscious level. It doesn't take long for another storm to appear but the frequency is slowly dying down. Is giving in to reality part of the cycle? no matter how much you wish it just aint going to happen? Does anyone know what i mean? Some people will disagree with me here but I truly believe that giving up hope / giving into reality IS part of the cycle and a very important step. You never know what is going to happen in the future but not knowing is not a reason to cling onto hope as hope can hold you back from healing. I'm sure you will have read by now that if you stand a chance at reconciliation, you need to get back to your old confident self that attracted your ex in the first place. If your ex comes back and you're still depressed and grieving over the broken relationship then you appear unattractive to them. If you now get into the mindset that you may never get a 2nd chance and begin to work on getting the old you back, it can only be beneficial to your future. If your ex comes back and you've gotten your old self back, then you're in the driving seat and can decide where to proceed from there based on your feelings at that time. If your ex doesn't come back, you will eventually reach indifference towards them. From there, you will find a new partner, one that wants to be with you. I think for most people it's the latter and takes a very long time to get over a break up but the end result is a successful one, just not the outcome you may want right at this moment. You are doing the right thing at the moment. Be brave through the day, allow yourself to feel your emotions at home and keep taking it one day at a time. Keep going and good luck to you
TheDovic Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Yip, I get this about 2/3 times per week and it scares the **** out of me. Horrible horrible feeling!!! And yes, it is part of the cycle (or grieving). It's moving from depression to acceptance, which can almost be as difficult as the intial shock phase when the relationship ends!
Viv Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Yes, when I realised about 3 weeks ago, it sent me into a deep depression which I'm dealing with now, but I realise that it had to happen because that's part of the healing process, and hopefully it wont last too long...
leoc1973 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Yes me too. It hit me about a month ago when I found out that I am sitting here reading all this advice everyone gives on how to get a second chance and my ex is completely over me and dating new guys all the time. It felt like the initial breakup all over again and I am finally getting over the realization that she isn't coming back. I think what gets us the most is that feeling of having to hurry up and get them back before its too late but someone gave me some advice on here that nothing is gonna change overnight slow down take your time and just take a few deep breaths and try not to rush things. That is where the anxeity comes from if they love you they love you and if they don't they don't just slow down and go do something for yourself think about it this way. Today I am gonna do me I will worry about my ex tomorrow. Keep doing that every day and one day you will wake up and not really care anymore.
TLCbear Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Is giving in to reality part of the cycle? no matter how much you wish it just aint going to happen? Yes, that is part of the cycle and in my opinion, the most important one because it actually forces you to truely move on. As long as you're still in denial or having that hope, a part of you will keep yourself from truly moving forward and healing. I'm doing just that, eventhough I was the one who ended the relationship for good reasons, I'm still in denial and have hope that one day we will get back together and it will work this time, therefore, this right here alone is keeping me from fully moving on. I'm doing great on NC and taking it one day at a time, but that damn hope will pull you up and down and round. One day you're fine and the next you're not.
Author Lis007 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Thanks Everyone! I know I am bringing the pain onto myself and it sounds so easy to just move on. I am not sure i like this reality... I think on the outside I am that happy exciting confident person but most of the time I am merely acting that way - deep inside I am just a mess. Its so hard because i see him at least several times a week because of the kids. Sometimes he is the way he used to be and sometimes he is so cold towards me it hurts. I am working on myself and getting used to my own company and feeling moments of genuinely being happy. I guess its taken me a long time to get through this its been 2 years and 5 months and because its been so long I am just used to being miserable. Oh well i suppose its time to accept acceptance and try and move past "us"...
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