danceallday Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I really got a lot out of this Baggage Reclaim email: Your confidence can take a real knock when you believe that you've been rejected by someone. You'll feel this way if you're very focused on them because in having to do No Contact in the first place and going through the process you may feel rejected because: They couldn't be who you wanted them to be in spite of what you felt for them and accepted from them. They didn't realise your value and treat you with love, care, trust, and respect, and you've internalised this and feel that there must be something wrong with you. They're not beating down your door or clogging up your phone line since you cut contact with them. Even though they claim to love you or are hurt by you, they seem to have moved on quicker than you have. They haven't seen the light since you cut them off and are showing no signs of remorse or any desire to change. You feel like you've made a gross error of judgement, know that they're unworthy of your time but by the same token in knowing this, feel even more rejected because surely someone who isn't worthy of your time should value you more?! You're focusing on the wrong things. Turn it around and ask what you are rejecting about them. Instead of tying yourself up in knots wondering what is wrong and so rejectionable about you, recognise that in doing No Contact, every, single day that goes by, you are rejecting them. You're rejecting their behaviour, the lack of shared values, the way that they want to treat you, the inability to respect your boundaries, and more importantly, you're rejecting the fact that if you stay with them and continue this dynamic, you cannot love you and treat yourself with care, trust, and respect. If you haven't done so already, write down all of the reasons why you are cutting contact. Remember the downloadable ebook and worksheet? The worksheet gives you plenty of reasons why NC can come about. List yours both big and small - trust me - your reasons for going NC far outweigh any perceived reasons you may have for believing you're rejectionable. Every time you feel that sting of rejection - look at the list of reasons why you are NC. Always remember: if someone didn't do as you expected in the relationship they're unlikely to do it out of the relationship. While it’s understandable to feel upset that someone doesn’t want you or what you have to offer, the fact that they don’t want you (or only if it's on their terms) is a big sign in itself that you really need to step back because if we persist in trying to get them to want us, it’s effectively like trying to force ourselves and our love upon them, which can really only set us up for more rejection. You can recover from and move on from rejection a lot quicker and easier if you don’t keep trying to force acceptance with the other party whether it's that you're chasing them for attention or wondering why they're not being and doing what you want them to be and do. Accept that NC has you on the road to freedom and stop rejecting yourself and your decision and embrace it. <img title="Facebook" alt="facebook" style="border:0" height="32" width="32"> <img title="Twitter" alt="twitter" style="border:0" height="32" width="32"> <img title="YouTube" alt="youtube" style="border:0" height="32" width="32">
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