TheStylist Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I know I shouldn't have called him but something in me tells me that I must call. So, I did a sign of the cross then called him. I acted so friendly and as if nothing happened. Asking how he was and all. Oh gosh, I found out that all my assumptions about him getting back to his ex were all wrong! His ex was just trying to mess up with my head thru twitter, making it sounds like they're back together. Anyhow, we decided to be good friends since I do believe our relationship was rebound. But we have this kinda pact that we're not gonna date for now and just fix our own lives first and when things get clearer and better, we could try again. Is that even possible? He is really a good-hearted person but we started the relationship in a wrong way. We should have been friends first. Actually, I don't really want to totally lost him. But for now, we need to deal with our own issues first. Yet I still have the urge to call him or communicate with him every tme. Should I go back to NC? DO I have to inform him that I'm going NC but I'm still I'm always here for him and he can contact me if he needs me? Goshh, I'm so confused... Pls, I need your guidance...
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 You can't heal if you're still holding onto hope of the relationship, which is exactly what you're doing if you're agreeing not to date other people...it's like you're taking a long break with no rules. And you know ultimately, even if you get back together, it's going to be a continuation of the previous relationship which clearly doesn't work. You need to let this relationship die and cut ties until you've healed. THEN you can be friends and evaluate if you can and want to try a NEW relationship with this person. And for heaven's sake, BLOCK HIS EX FROM TWITTER.
TheDovic Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 You can't heal if you're still holding onto hope of the relationship, which is exactly what you're doing if you're agreeing not to date other people...it's like you're taking a long break with no rules. And you know ultimately, even if you get back together, it's going to be a continuation of the previous relationship which clearly doesn't work. You need to let this relationship die and cut ties until you've healed. THEN you can be friends and evaluate if you can and want to try a NEW relationship with this person. And for heaven's sake, BLOCK HIS EX FROM TWITTER. I totally agree. You could be friends, but this isn't what you really want and you will never heal with him in your life. You'll also be much more attractive because right now he probably knows he can have you whenever he wants, but if you make yourself scarce you'll become a lot more desirable (basic psychology - we value what is rare, that's why diamonds are so sought after). I'm yet to see a reconciliation on this site between a broken up couple where the dumpee chases the dumper and is too available for them!
Author TheStylist Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Yes, I know. And both of us still calling each other, baby. God, it's like we're both pretending because its hard to face the breakup yet it hurts inside knowing everything is superficial. Indeed, I became less attractive to him since it's always me who calls and text him. Should I just disappear without telling him why? We do talk as if we're super friends. It's really hard for me to just turn my back and head the other way because I can't lose a great friend just because we started it the wrong way... Although, our relationship lasted only for 4months but we became really close and adore each other though we did have rough times of course but he did ask me to stay with and and work things out together but it was me who gave up for lack of trust and we are exactly opposite. Yet, realizing now, we click as good friends! God, how can I exit? Pls help..
Author TheStylist Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 I just talked to him on the phone a while ago and I told him if he likes it that I'll stop calling him since it seems like its always me who calls and texts. Then he said, "of course not! We have an agreement that we will work our differences first but it doesn't mean we're gonna lose contact from each other." So, I said " okay, starting tomorrow, I won't call or text you anymore unless it's you who will call me." And he said, "of course, I will call you!" Our talks were basically light and so friendly. So many laughs and kids. Its like bestfriend and I'm so contented that we're like this. Just enjoying each other and no demands or pressure. He said he's not gonna date and he's satisified to be on his own for now but we're definetly not cutting any ties. What is this then? Is this healthy? What are we doing? Pls guys, what do you think?
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Yes, I know. And both of us still calling each other, baby. God, it's like we're both pretending because its hard to face the breakup yet it hurts inside knowing everything is superficial. Indeed, I became less attractive to him since it's always me who calls and text him. Should I just disappear without telling him why? We do talk as if we're super friends. He's not pretending, he's moving on. He's not your 'super friend,' he doesn't CARE otherwise you wouldn't be the only one calling/texting. Don't bother giving him a goodbye, he honestly doesn't care. Give him a chance to miss you and what you had by actually being gone.
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I just talked to him on the phone a while ago and I told him if he likes it that I'll stop calling him since it seems like its always me who calls and texts. Then he said, "of course not! We have an agreement that we will work our differences first but it doesn't mean we're gonna lose contact from each other." So, I said " okay, starting tomorrow, I won't call or text you anymore unless it's you who will call me." And he said, "of course, I will call you!" Our talks were basically light and so friendly. So many laughs and kids. Its like bestfriend and I'm so contented that we're like this. Just enjoying each other and no demands or pressure. He said he's not gonna date and he's satisified to be on his own for now but we're definetly not cutting any ties. What is this then? Is this healthy? What are we doing? Pls guys, what do you think? Actions speak louder than words. Instead of saying what you're going to do, DO it. He can't miss you if you never go away. You're not really content, you're grasping at straws because you're willing to take anything you can get as an alternative to losing him. Go NC, work on yourself and heal. He has his own friends to lean on.
Author TheStylist Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Yeah, you're right. I think he is just trying to keep me hanging, maybe his way of revenge since it was me who broke it off. Well, if he won't text or call anymore, so be it. And if ever he will text or call, it may really depend if he's gonna get worried for real if I'm not taking or replying back.. I feel like I need a few more days before getting back to NC... I really feel like I want to mentally prepare myself first so I won't fall back again. Oh, is there such a thing as preparing yourself for NC?
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) Yeah, you're right. I think he is just trying to keep me hanging, maybe his way of revenge since it was me who broke it off. Well, if he won't text or call anymore, so be it. And if ever he will text or call, it may really depend if he's gonna get worried for real if I'm not taking or replying back.. I feel like I need a few more days before getting back to NC... I really feel like I want to mentally prepare myself first so I won't fall back again. Oh, is there such a thing as preparing yourself for NC? Well how fair is it for you decide that you want to be single, but then keep him on a string to keep him from moving on and healing? It's a two way street here, it seems like you're doing the same thing to him as he's doing to you. You chose to end it, walk away. And you're being very passive agressive. "well if he won't call or text me, then be that way!" is how you're coming across. And it shouldn't matter IF he does call or text. YOU broke up with HIM. Idk the specifics of your breakup, but I'm assuming you had reason to do it. If not, then shame on you. Breaking up with someone or breaking someone's heart is not a game to play to get what you want. So assuming you ended it for legitimate reasons, then just let the guy go. Let yourself heal and grow as a person and if it's meant to be you will find you way back to one another someday. And there's no way to prepare for NC, don't text/email/call/smoke signal him to tell him about it. Just do it. It's like ripping off a bandaid. Don't think, just do. Edited September 28, 2011 by abuckeyeleaf additional info
Author TheStylist Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 This is my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t298238/ I ended it for several reasons, firstly because of the way he handled a situation. If he is mad at me, instead of confronting me, he went out to his friends and bad mouthed me to the extent of creating stories about me that never happened just to gather sympathy. The first time he did this, I couldn't forgive him and I thought that was it but we patched things up thinking maybe we were still at the adjustment stage. But his exGF of five years still bugs me, even to this day and he isn't doing anything about it. The ex would call and text and tweets and telling me she's doing a countdown til our relationship ends. But the biggest reason why I had to end it was when I found out he still communicates with his fwb "girl". Though I considered it as cheating, but realizing after 9days of NC that maybe it was all wrong. Oh gosh, I'm just making excuses I think. Maybe I couldn't accept that it will just end this way. Its too hard to continue if Its hurting too much and its already affecting your daily life. I do hope it's going to be easier to do the NC this time...
Viv Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 My ex did exactly the same thing by badmouthing me to his friends, making up stories just to get sympathy. It was a massive red flag that I overlooked because I liked him so much and he 'apologised'. The things is, we got married, and he carried on doing it, it's a sign of passive aggressive behaviour and doesn't make for a successful relationship. I wish I'd got out alot earlier. Good luck with the NC.
Author TheStylist Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 My ex did exactly the same thing by badmouthing me to his friends, making up stories just to get sympathy. It was a massive red flag that I overlooked because I liked him so much and he 'apologised'. The things is, we got married, and he carried on doing it, it's a sign of passive aggressive behaviour and doesn't make for a successful relationship. I wish I'd got out alot earlier. Good luck with the NC. Wow, I'm glad you post this Viv. Right! It's sad but yes, looks like they will never change. And he keeps on bad mouthing all his exes when we were still together, as if he was always the victim. And now, it worries me to much that I already created a bad impression to his friends and family perhaps. Whew! I still can't decided when to start my NC... Ughh what's wrong with me! Maybe because I'm not mad anymore..
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I still can't decided when to start my NC... Ughh what's wrong with me! Maybe because I'm not mad anymore.. No time like the present!
dreamcity Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I'm not even a big fan of this whole No Contact thing but if anyone needs it it's you. Delete his numbers. Start now. Ultimately, if you analyze everything you're going to do with him, he's not even going to respect you.
Mack05 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Delete his numbers. Start now. Ultimately, if you analyze everything you're going to do with him, he's not even going to respect you. This has heartbreak written all over it. The only person that can't see it is you. Will you ignore the advice given to you? Yes. Will you be here in 6 months utterly devastated? Yes. Some people seemingly need to learn lessons the hard way.
Viv Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Wow, I'm glad you post this Viv. Right! It's sad but yes, looks like they will never change. And he keeps on bad mouthing all his exes when we were still together, as if he was always the victim. And now, it worries me to much that I already created a bad impression to his friends and family perhaps. Whew! I still can't decided when to start my NC... Ughh what's wrong with me! Maybe because I'm not mad anymore.. Start it now! It gives you time to think, and see the situation more realisticly. It's best to try not to worry what his friends and family think, they will have heard one side, and if he cares so much about making himself the victim, it's not going to be that honest. What your friends and family think is much more important. Good luck.
Author TheStylist Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 I've been doing the NC today. In fact, I left my phone and went to work. Thirty minutes after I came home early this evening, he texted twice and called me up. I've been feeling so numb the whole day, I just answered my phone without really thinking. He kept asking where I have been, what did I do today and after 5mins, he said he will call back later. That's all he did, checking out on me. Maybe he was just wondering why I didn't contact him the whole day. I doubt he will call back or if he does, I don't even know what's this for anymore.
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