Fantasia Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 Hey everyone. I was just wondering...you know how we hear the usual " I left him/her for someone else.." ? Does that mean feelings were already developing between two people while one of them was still in a relationship with a previous partner? Like does that mean they were meeting up, "dating" or talking, keeping in touch, perhaps getting a little physical, whatever, while still in a relationship with the other partner before realizing it was time to leave them? That kind of sounds like two timing...how long can this happen without it being seen as cheating before one finally realizes to leave the relationshup? Cuz I know it's hard to just leave the other partner as soon as you start feeling for another...I mean it takes some time getting to know the other person before you realize that one is the one you now want to be with right? It's that in between time that just kinda makes me want to know...what would be too long that it becomes cheating? Or am I not understanding the phrase properly? I was just curious, just a random thought as I was reading about breakups and such here. And no it doesn't pertain to anthing personal for me. tee hee! Thanks and good day!!
Tony Posted May 13, 2004 Senior Moderators Posted May 13, 2004 The phrase can have many means and needs to be understood in the context of each individual situation. In general however, people usually leave somebody for somebody else because they have found another person with whom they feel more compatibility, more attraction, more love, etc. There are usually a lot of background dynamics going on and generally the former relationship wasn't going so well. Rational people usually don't leave a known great thing for an unknown thing which might be even better...or could end up a horror.
dudesomewhere Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 to me it's cheating the moment thoughts stray. There is an extremely low percentage of people who break before they stray. Something like 3% I think. but I have a weird sort of higher morals thing going people around me do think it's weird but eh...I'm no cheater
Author Fantasia Posted May 13, 2004 Author Posted May 13, 2004 Thanks guys! But does it take long for that to be figured out sometimes? It seems that for some people they do break it off as soon as they start feeling for someone else. (which is good good!) but for some others it's like they wait to see how things go with the "new" person before they finalize the breakup with the other, or just let the relationship die on its own, or have the breakup be initiated by the other party( not so good good! but it seems people do this, and I don't know is that understandable?). I don't know why I am so taken with this subject right now but I have a huge thing against cheating and see it happen more often than I'd like, and I just wonder if the above fits in the category of well, cheating.
Leikela Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 Like Tony said, it's up to the individual person/situation. I was in a situation like that and here's what went down. I started dating a guy and we got serious pretty quickly. At the same time I met another guy where I work and we just really hit it off as friends right away. 2 months into the relationship I started feeling a twinge of emotion for my guy friend. I tried to ignore it and push it away but it only grew stronger. To make a long story short, nothing was really "wrong" or "bad" about my relationship but things were just "easier" with my guy friend. We ended up falling in love and after expressing our love for one another it still took me 2 months to call off the other relationship. The reason for that was because my circle of friends was intertwined with my ex-bf. We met on a softball team and he was on my team and so were all my other friends. It was hard to make that break because I knew I would be losing friends too. I also didn't want to hurt his feelings even though that was inevitable. I hate conflict and was just putting off going through the emotional turmoil of it all. I would consider what I did cheating. I kissed and had intercourse with my guy friend when technically still with my other boyfriend but stopped being intimate with him. I finally made the break when I realized that I truly loved my guy friend and only wanted to be with him and that I couldn't take stringing along my ex at the time. That was a year and 2 months ago and me and my guy friend (now BF) are still so much in love. We've been living together for 5 months and we love it. He is definitely the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with.
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