mshummy88 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 With this, it’s probably the typical break-up/coping topic about ex-girlfriends but I just need some personal advice and a helping hand through this. This has hit me at a different level and just need to hear from outside sources. This is also my first year away for college and I just feel lost with this situation. The Ex-girlfriend and I dated for just a little under five years. In April 2010 we broke up and saw different people until we got back together in August 2011. She asked me back with a stuffed animal penguin (my favorite animal) and she asked if I would be hers again. I agreed because I wanted “us” again and I love her dearly, she said that she realized she wanted me and doesn’t want to lose me. Well middle/end of August she went away to college in Iowa and I moved to Chicago for school as well (first time going away for school). We both agreed to skype and call whenever we could but with her being in soccer and taking many classes the only time we talked was through text…barely. She came home a weekend for a game and I did as well and spend the weekend with her. The first night I slept over and she was texting some guy all night. She fell asleep and I had a weird gut feeling so I read through her texts. It was convo’s of them saying they like each other and inviting each other to sleep over in their dorms. I was pissed and upset and started to leave before she stopped me and asked what was wrong..and I told her. She explained how she “likes him as a person and nothing more because she loved me” and cuddled up with me the rest of the night. Well she went back to school and days went on. Last week she called and it happened. She said shes too stressed out with soccer and school and me, how we don’t talk as much and how I don’t make an effort to talk to her as much either. Also it was about this guy, she likes him and said how she always has a good time when they hang out, how they share a lot of interests and she told me she hasn’t done anything but wants to also break it off just incase so I don’t get hurt and cheated if anything does. So we said goodbyes and she said she still wants to talk and not to loose me because she says when everything “settles” then we can work things out and try again. Afterwards I called up my best friend to vent and he was pissed and wrote on something on her FB wall that pissed her off and she called me up mad/upset crying saying how she doesn’t want to talk to me and that there will never be a chance again (Break up was Wednesday, her not wanting to talk to me was Thursday). Didn’t talk to her all weekend because she had homecoming until I get a text Sunday from her saying “well since you don’t want to talk to me ill let you be. Have a good life and good luck with school”. --Didn’t respond Monday I wake up to a three pg. text saying “well I guess you don’t want to talk to me or work things out so ill let you be because it doesn’t seem like you don’t care or love me anymore. I didn’t want things to turn out this way but I guess it has to..i still love you and care for you…bye” --Didn’t respond again Monday night “Do you not want to talk to me??” --Didn’t respond I saw these all as breadcrumbs and didn’t feel like I needed to respond. So I get a call from her before class and I answered. Conversation went about “howcome I didn’t come out for her homecoming to see her (brokeup and wasn’t invited out),” and how she said I don’t care and that I’ve moved on because I haven’t talked to her or responded and not trying to make it work. When I asked “make what work? You broke up with me” she was quiet and said “nevermind its nothing, I have to go ill maybe call you later…we’ll see.” And that was it. So that leaves me confused/pissed and upset. Any opinions would be great. And thanks for reading /helping out.
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Wow, sounds like she thrives on the drama and can't accept responsibility for her actions. Next time she reaches out, I'd probably firmly say something like, " there's nothing to talk about until you decide you want this relationship and are going to be faithful to me, then we can talk."
Author mshummy88 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Thanks for the reply, that's how it feels right now with her. Before we broke up when I asked her about this new guy she would say how she's confused between the both of us. The thing she said when we did was "I love you and care for you a lot and dont want to lose you but with him I don't want to miss out on anything"
abuckeyeleaf Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 sadly now she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Good for you for not giving in and giving her the satisfaction.
leoc1973 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 wow dude how old are you? that is a lot of self control for a young guy! good for you. you are a hero to all of us. I know that 90% of us wish we could do the same. I don't understand how she goes over a year and realizes she still loves you so much only to take a chance on losing you again. I am thinking that she figures that since you took her back after all that time she can come and go as she pleases. Stay strong I know all of us wish we had your resolve!
TheDovic Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 See, regardless of whether they find someone else, when we're not just happlessly waiting in the wings for them they can't take it and start chasing us! Good for you buddy, stay strong and make her realise what she's lost!!! You're a proper man ps, breadcrumbs at the minute, this might change!
Author mshummy88 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Thanks everyone, im really appreciative of your responses! I'm actually going to be 23 tomorrow (Sept 29). It's just one of those things where im confused how she can say she realizes that I'm the guy she wants and then this happens. She never did call last night by the way so right now I'm saying F it and letting it be again. I care for her dearly and wanted to make this work but I guess its life.
CaliBabe Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I honestly think that shes had a falling out or an arguement with the new guy and is using you as a backup. Until you hear the magical words "I made a mistake, I will do anything to fix what I've done", do NOT fall for any of the breadcrumbs. It will make you look weak. Good job so far my friend.
antz2411 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 dood grab your balls from her and walk out. this chick obviously has no respect for you period. as a man your self respect is the only thing you have left going, dont let this tramp take it away for the sake of a failed relationship! wow!
radiodarcy Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 it sounds like she's trying to bait you by guilting you into a response with thinly veiled accusations of you not wanting to work things out. very childish behavior. the adult thing would have been to respect your space and let you heal. and she certainly shouldn't have contacted you again after you ignored her the first time, good on you for not responding . you're showing her that you are not going to be her back up guy and wait for her things to "settle" down on her end (how pompous! )
Author mshummy88 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Ye, exactly! I've been getting some support and advice from friends and family and they seem to think she's trying to make me feel guilty about this situation when in reality, I've done everything possible for her. Also that was posted before with maybe something happened with new guy...that could be possible. After she said she didn't want to hear from meshe had homecoming weekend and i know she was with him for that and Sunday night when homecoming weekend was over..that's when I started to hear from her.
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