My wife confess that she have a strong feelings for another guy!!

[aenor]

Hi,i have been married for almost four years now and have a beautiful 2 year old son.Me and my wife started having problems about a year ago when one of my relatives came to visit us for a year,so she can help us with our son.I understand that another person in the house can cause stress and not enough intimacy,but the relative left a month ago and we started to have really serious problems about two months ago.My wife told me that she needs to go out with her friends more and that she cant stay in the house anymore.So she started going out every night,started to come back home late and not even bothering to call me that she will be late.One night she came home really early and fall asleep and as soon as she went to bed somebody started texting her.I know its bad and i have never done that before but i was already having bad feelings so i checked her phone and there was a picture with her and another guy in a club.I confronted her in the morning and she just replied that is a friend only.So she kept going with her not being at home,not calling that she will be late and i kept on finding more pictures with her and the guy.When she was at home she was non stop on her phone with him texting doesnt matter the hour.One night i even went to the hospital late at night(she was not at home)i stayed there until the late night and she just text to ask where im not even bothering coming to the hospital.When i went back at home she was on the phone with him,she just ask if im ok and she kept on talking.

So finally a few days back she confess to me that she have a strong feelings for the guy,but she kept on insisting that there was nothing between them not even a kiss.She told me she is confused and that she care about me but that her feelings towards me are not like before.So she told me that its over between us and she wants to try with the other guy.She even ask me to call him and tell him i want be on the way between them(I didnt).Few hours later her family spoke with her and i guess told her that she is not being right,that she shouldnt ruin her family and etc.So now she is telling me she wants to work it and giveus another chance?

What should i do?Can i trust her again?Can i be with her even thou she has feelings for somebody else?

I know i was not the perfect husband but i have never cheated,i have never even for the four years go out without her.So now im stuck at home taking care of our son by myself.

By the way she is 22 only.Im 28

[ver13]

What to do? Look she is pretty young and has yet to figure out what she truly want's all you can do is set your relationship boundaries. If she can't live with them then let her live on her own. I know that love is involved otherwise she wouldn't be your wife. That being said you can't make her do a D**M thing so let her learn what she has to learn her own way. This dosen't mean that you have to stand by and just take it. Either she's in or out it's her choice, you can do bad by yourself you don't need any help. The whole EX BF is just that EX and if she can't let that go then let her go... You will be happier in the long run.

[poldo0507]

I hate to say this but is seems like something has happened between them. Someone wouldn't invest much time and energy to someone they haven't been attached to. If she wants to save your marriage and get back with you, she should be 100% honest about herself and devote 100% of her time to you and your marriage. She should stop seeing/communicating with that other guy since he'll only get in her of working the relationship with you.

[aenor]

The thing is that i know that she is still texting with him,even if is not as much as before.And she is insisting that she wants to see how things go between us,but at the same time she is telling me that her feelings are not strong towards me,but they are to the other guy.So until when should i tolerate this?

And what if nobody from her family had talked to her,was she still be with me?

[whichwayisup]

Be strong and be tough. tell her point blank that she needs to decide now. You or him, she cannot have it both ways and keep him on the side. She has feelings for someone else, she's in a fog and attached so automatically she is NOT thinking long term, consquences or the fallout that will happen.

 

Tell her she calls him now, in front of you and ends it, then you talk to the guy and ask to please respect this decision and leave her alone, that you two are a family with a child and he needs to not try to get in the way and help bust up a family.

 

Or, if she's unwilling to end it, then she needs to move out and have visitation with your child. She is acting immature and staying out all night when she's a mom isn't cool. Not calling, and hooking up with another guy is NOT right.

[fenderstrathss]

Be strong and be tough. tell her point blank that she needs to decide now. You or him, she cannot have it both ways and keep him on the side. She has feelings for someone else, she's in a fog and attached so automatically she is NOT thinking long term, consquences or the fallout that will happen.

 

Tell her she calls him now, in front of you and ends it, then you talk to the guy and ask to please respect this decision and leave her alone, that you two are a family with a child and he needs to not try to get in the way and help bust up a family.

 

Or, if she's unwilling to end it, then she needs to move out and have visitation with your child. She is acting immature and staying out all night when she's a mom isn't cool. Not calling, and hooking up with another guy is NOT right.

 

Probably the best advice you'll get in this whole thread. Take it and do it!

[robf1971]

Probably the best advice you'll get in this whole thread. Take it and do it!

 

Actually, you will never stop her doing what she wants to do. He'll probably just end up pushing them closer together.

 

The only way to work this out is to do the dead opposite of what feels right. The OP should pack his wife's stuff in boxes then his words to her with a big smile

 

"Wife I understand you you want to be with (insert OM's name), I get it now, I want you to be with him, so I'm going to help you move in with him, I wish you all the best"

 

Set her free, file for divorce, make sure you get 50/50 with your son. Do not bad mouth your wife to him. Set this woman free.

 

Then ignore all her bitchy texts, call etc unless it's about your child. If she starts bitching about money your stock answer is

 

"The lawyers will ensure a fair settlement for both of us here is my lawyers email address... Goodbye"

 

You then concentrate on becoming a great father, my advice is to forget sleeping pills and meds and all that. Get a bicycle do 10 miles every day, it will keep you fit and help you sleep. Then start getting out and meeting new people. I recommend mixed social groups!!

[PegNosePete]

If she starts bitching about money your stock answer is

 

"The lawyers will ensure a fair settlement for both of us here is my lawyers email address... Goodbye"

Well that is a good way to build up a huge lawyers bill. If she is bitching about money then yes, do not entertain her or even bother to reply. But if she wants to discuss it calmly and sensibly then it is a good idea to do so without every word going through lawyers. You should of course get a lawyer's advice as to what is a fair settlement would be. But if you can negotiate a deal between the two of you then you will save a small fortune on legal fees. The best way to build up a huge bill is to tell your ex "all communication must go through my lawyer".

[robf1971]

discuss it calmly and sensibly .

 

Discussing money calmly and sensibly with a cheating, walkaway wife (or husband) is a contradiction in terms.

[LifesontheUp]

Your wife is a typical cake eater and fence sitting. She will continue to string you and her OM along until she is forced to decide.

 

If I were you I would knock her off the fence NOW. Otherwise this will continue and drag you down. Suggest you pack her bags for her and calmly tell her that you understand she has feelings for this OM so go be with him, you want her to be happy.

[andyg99]

Well that is a good way to build up a huge lawyers bill. If she is bitching about money then yes, do not entertain her or even bother to reply. But if she wants to discuss it calmly and sensibly then it is a good idea to do so without every word going through lawyers. You should of course get a lawyer's advice as to what is a fair settlement would be. But if you can negotiate a deal between the two of you then you will save a small fortune on legal fees. The best way to build up a huge bill is to tell your ex "all communication must go through my lawyer".

 

great point pete - the lawyer thing is good advice if one has endless funds but in reality the thing to say is "when you get settled let's talk about the specifics of the divorce and then we can file"...

[Chi townD]

Dude, I don't even know you and I can tell you she slept with this guy on several occasions. You need to get yourself checked out for any STD's.

 

Rule number one- if a cheaters mouth is moving. They're lying.

 

Rule number two- Without any concrete evidence, cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum to make it look less than what it really is. Case in point, you only know that they talk and text. That's it! Therefore, the only thing she admits to is talk in texting in an innappropriate manner, BUT NOTHING PHYSICAL HAPPENED....yeah...right....

 

Without honesty and COMPLETE transparence, sorry to say, you don't stand a chance.

[nofool4u]

So finally a few days back she confess to me that she have a strong feelings for the guy,but she kept on insisting that there was nothing between them not even a kiss.

 

bull. and what is she doing as a married woman going clubbing anyway?

 

 

She told me she is confused and that she care about me but that her feelings towards me are not like before.So she told me that its over between us and she wants to try with the other guy.

 

which makes her statement about nothing going on between them, not even kissing, a load of crap. NOBODY leaves a marriage for someone else if they haven't even so much as kissed.

 

 

She even ask me to call him and tell him i want be on the way between them(I didnt).

 

if she wants something with this other guy, then SHE needs to be the one to leave the home, and if she had any decency left, she'd give you custody of your son.

 

 

 

Few hours later her family spoke with her and i guess told her that she is not being right,that she shouldnt ruin her family and etc.So now she is telling me she wants to work it and giveus another chance?

 

why? because her family told her so? because its not because she wants to work it out with you.

 

 

What should i do?Can i trust her again?

 

No, you can't, and I will tell you.....YOU WON'T!

 

 

 

Can i be with her even thou she has feelings for somebody else?

 

sure, if you simply want to be the husband of a woman that wants another man.

 

And what is her plan? To never go out partying again? Because that is the LEAST she'd have to do if she is to "work it out".

 

 

I know i was not the perfect husband but i have never cheated,i have never even for the four years go out without her.So now im stuck at home taking care of our son by myself.

 

well if it ever comes down to divorce, you document that you are taking care of your kids while she is out getting off with another man. would be one of the only ways a father can get custody over a mother.

 

 

By the way she is 22 only.Im 28

 

You are too young to waste any more of your time on a woman like this.

 

Unless she wants to put herself on house arrest to prove that she can work on it, I'd say you need to find a good attorney and seek his/her advice.

[aenor]

We were trying to work things out for a week now and she erased his number.Last night though when she fall asleep after a couple of glasses of wine and a good evening her phone started receiving messages.I saw the massages and it was his phone under a female name.And the texts were how he cant wait to have her and hopefully they can wait until the next day.I woke her up show her everything and she started denying that she make a mistake editing the phone in her cell and that the messages are not for her.I asked her to call him then and show me that im wrong.She refused.

[Nsweet]

Check out Michele Weiner Davis' Infadelity breaking Plan A and Plan B. If I remember correctly plan A involved directly telling her to stop, and Plan B involved you pulling away from her. I found it all in free atricles if you're interested.