lonelynyc Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 As many of you know by now, I have been going off the rails the last few days after my ex sent me an email telling me she was all broken up over getting rejected by this new guy. Well, today I ran into a close friend and confidante of hers whose office building is near mine, a gay guy who always thought I was a good presence in her life despite all the drama that took place in our relationship. Unelicited, he told me that she has gone back on the dating scene with a vengeance since mid August: she speed dates, has joined a ton of sites, and has really tried to put herself back out there to get a new relationship. The guy she apparently referenced in her email was, according to her friend, someone she met online and had sex with on the second date. She was distressed that he didn't want a relationship after that. Apparently he wanted to hit it and quit it (I'm angry, I feel like being crass). Today, after my tearful call last night, she texts me out of the blue to tell me "Im not hung up over a new guy. And of course I still love and care about you. It wasn't right of me to give you mixed messages." And the confusion on my end continues. Honestly, I know she's unstable and has treated me poorly but I'm still the sad fool in love. What do you guys make of all this?
arbrne_vet Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 My opinion, she is still giving you mixed messages. what if..... the other guy had not of dumped her. Something to think about
Author lonelynyc Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 My opinion, she is still giving you mixed messages. what if..... the other guy had not of dumped her. Something to think about True, but looking for a relationship on the second date? ****ing a guy on the second date? It sounds like she's trying to force herself to get over me.
Kageytn Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I'm going to be harsh so I apologize in advance. Guess what? That's a piss poor way to get over someone. She devalued herself and she devalued your relationship when she had sex on a second date after you. She rebounded to get over you? She rebounded to make herself feel better. Do you really want to be in a relationship or even date a girl that gives herself so easily instead of facing the pain? She could have handled this quite differently. She could quit messing with you and decide what she wants. Take a step back and take a deep breath. Don't be her puppet. Who cares what she wants? What do you want? If you have to wonder what she wants then she is not ready to date you. She needs to be clear in her communication. Don't take breadcrumbs. You have more value than that.
Trolly Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 She sounds very confused and desperate to find comfort. You should be careful what direction you head in with her. She could love you today and leave you tomorrow. Wait for her to settle down. Take even your friendship slow and when she seems more stable, perhaps then you can try things out again. For a few months I had tried to get my ex back. Last week I heard through the grapevine how she had been behaving and who she had dated and at this point I decided she's just to F'd up to be around or chase. I didn't tell her anything, but in my heart I just had to say good bye to her for now, maybe for good. Believe me, I was hurting like you were too.
smudge21 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 She's treating you like a confessional in a church - passing on her problems in some way of making herself feel better. It's cruel and you need to tell her to stop. If this is how she wants to live her life, fine, get on with it, but don't expect you to be there to pick up the pieces or give her the comfort pillow she's looking for.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Yeah, she is definitely using you. I'd run, and never look back.
betterdeal Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Why do you still communicate with her?
bigmomma1974 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Sounds to me like this girl had no clue what she wants and seems to me she wants someone anyone in her life and she doesnt want to be alone. You need to tell her like it is, your not a doormat and you wont be treated like one. Tell her you need time to heal and figure out what you want in life. Tell her to take this time to take care of herself, get some help to get over any pain she may have about her relationships ending and to take care of her self. After doing this do the NC and stick to it. She doesn't seem to stable right now if shes having sex with someone she doesn't know.
wilsonx Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Run for the hills. Look how fast shes trying to get back into a relationship. Shes extremely co dependent. I have posted this several times on the forums. Shes a monkey that doesnt let go of one branch until she finds another. Sometimes that other branch breaks from the weight of her bull**** and she hits the ground. What is she trying to do right now? Climb right back up in another tree. The rest of us are here twiddling our thumbs, watching all the monkeys swing from one tree to another waiting for a branch to break and watch the monkey fall. Dont be these monkey's trees or you are going to end up being like the recent rebound guys here and posting here after a several months asking wtf happened, I treated my monkey well.
TheDovic Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 And the mixed messages continue... Sounds to me this girl is terrified of being alone and might see you as a backup!
Mack05 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) The only thing disturbing is your continuing obsession with this girl. You posted these threads in July. 10 weeks ago! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t287774/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t291389/ It's time to go to Therapy Lonelynyc. You seem to be getting worse, more and more obsessive. There is SOOOO much I could say here but I realise it's pointless. The fact you can't see just how unhealthy this girl is for you means you too are emotionally unhealthy. It's time to consider Therapy. A therapist will help you make sense of your thought process because right now it's all over the place.. Just read every thread and reply you have posted. Then take a step back... Edited September 28, 2011 by Mack05
Author lonelynyc Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 The only thing disturbing is your continuing obsession with this girl. You posted these threads in July. 10 weeks ago! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t287774/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t291389/ It's time to go to Therapy Lonelynyc. You seem to be getting worse, more and more obsessive. There is SOOOO much I could say here but I realise it's pointless. The fact you can't see just how unhealthy this girl is for you means you too are emotionally unhealthy. It's time to consider Therapy. A therapist will help you make sense of your thought process because right now it's all over the place.. Just read every thread and reply you have posted. Then take a step back... I have already set up an appointment. I am aware my unhappiness is becoming a pervasive problem in my life. Aside from losing my ex, I'm also losing my father to AIDS, so yeah I have some **** going on right now. As for the posts, I was able to put things aside for awhile. There is a gap of a few weeks in which I was doing fine. Her getting back in touch with me screwed me up, because no the love did not disappear. I'm still functioning well in my daily life. But If I can't come here to vent anymore then that's a true shame. I'm not a relationship expert, I'm just a lonely soul looking for support.
Author lonelynyc Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Run for the hills. Look how fast shes trying to get back into a relationship. Shes extremely co dependent. I have posted this several times on the forums. Shes a monkey that doesnt let go of one branch until she finds another. Sometimes that other branch breaks from the weight of her bull**** and she hits the ground. What is she trying to do right now? Climb right back up in another tree. The rest of us are here twiddling our thumbs, watching all the monkeys swing from one tree to another waiting for a branch to break and watch the monkey fall. Dont be these monkey's trees or you are going to end up being like the recent rebound guys here and posting here after a several months asking wtf happened, I treated my monkey well. I guess you're right. After being in a relationship with someone for 2 years you become convinced that certain key personality traits are shared in common. You truly don't know them until it's over. I couldn't dream of dating much less sleeping with someone new from the time we first broke up until now. I feel like it would be going through the motions, a completely empty experience. How does someone turn off their feelings for someone so quickly and try to dive into the arms of the first sucker they run into? It seems so bizarre like not even human.
Bruised Not Broken Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I think she is feeling low because she allowed herself to be used and wants you to be there to make her feel better. Dont' allow yourself to be reeled in and hurt by her again, which is what she will most likely do. She sounds a little lost...and no one can be of any value to you when they are lost themselves. I think NC would be the best way to go. If you two are meant to be together, she will figure her stuff out and time will mend things....but for you to grasp on to this for hope would be setting yourself up for nothing but heartache.
Mack05 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 LOnely I am really sorry to hear about your dad. I think it's time to focus solely on your dad. Your ex doesn't deserve you because she will never appreciate you. Life is too short to waste on someone like her. Sometimes you need to be a bad guy, to be a good guy..
Eddie Edirol Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 How does someone turn off their feelings for someone so quickly and try to dive into the arms of the first sucker they run into? It seems so bizarre like not even human. She didnt turn off her feelings for you overnight, she turned off her feelings for you months ago. I dont know what you or she did to kill her attraction to you. Since she is codependent, its possible that you were a rebound too, but she is trying to get her next fix. She also isnt in love with you anymore. I dont know why she is emailing you, or why youre letting her, but you cannot heal while you are still talking to her. She is trying to force you to get over her by telling you about her dates. She is also trying to find her Mr Right, although she will never do that unless she can get over her dependence. Tell her to stop all contact with you. Obviously if she is trying to get a new relationship, she wont be looking to go backwards with you.
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