Author bluenightowl Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Why ask/tell at all? Just show with your actions that you want to spend time with her... don't be trying to dive down her shorts on the first few dates... since that seems to be the 'timeline' people are following these days. If she is diving down YOURS, then that would be your opportunity to perhaps bring it up... Indeed that's the point of the post. Yes some women want sex. And yes - then that would be your opportunity to perhaps bring it up..
serial muse Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Indeed that's the point of the post. Yes some women want sex. And yes - then that would be your opportunity to perhaps bring it up.. Well, I mean...obviously, different women are going to have different takes on hearing this. So then it sounds like you should just go ahead and say you don't want to jump in the sack just yet, since it's how you feel...if she's a good match for you, she'll be cool with it. If not, no big loss, right?
Eve Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Never had such an experience. When single I guarded my sex and waited to ensure they were not twats. H'mmm... maybe it would have been a refreshing thing to have the man say he wanted to wait, but I must admit I would probably have thought he had issues with performance or something. Or didn't like me, or was really married or something suspicious. Nope, I would want him to want me completely.. but to be ok with a slow build up. Mainly to make sure he is knows what he is doing and is adventurous. But I am SO Disney.. The inbetween bit of getting to sleep with someone for the first time is ALL about falling in love for me. Nothing less will do. Take care, Eve x
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 OP, has this happened to you? If so, what were the circumstances, and how did it play out?
Author bluenightowl Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 OP, has this happened to you? If so, what were the circumstances, and how did it play out? No, I've always just gone for it, but I am thinking some restraint could be a good thing that why I'm asking. Its so funny hearing a few women say they would feel strange or rejected if a man said this. I think so many women expect a man to have no self control, but its refreshing to hear that most women would be delight to know a guy was into her more than just for sex. I really think some women have been conditioned to think men only want sex.
torn_curtain Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) I'd respect a guy more. To be honest I might worry a tiny bit that he was asexual or anal. I've known a couple of guys who enforced this boundary and turned out to be very anal/rigid in general (OCDish types) or they had a low sex drive. But if this boundary setting wasn't related to any unappealing personality quirks, then it would definitely increase my respect for him. Edited September 28, 2011 by torn_curtain
Author bluenightowl Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Why ask/tell at all? Just show with your actions that you want to spend time with her... don't be trying to dive down her shorts on the first few dates... since that seems to be the 'timeline' people are following these days. If she is diving down YOURS, then that would be your opportunity to perhaps bring it up... no fun intended... I'm growing to hate this word 'exclusive'. If I'm getting physically intimate with anyone, by default I'm 'exclusive'... and I don't multi-date. I'd probably get annoyed if the guy had the 'exclusive' talk with me at all, to some extent... unless it was preceeded by something along the lines of... "unfortunately, OLD and our throw-away culture has dictated that we have STD exams, exclusive relationship talks, and complete background checks before we ****. Please pardon my lack of romantic probity in asking you a few questions before I stick my dick in you" Indeed, its hard to be a romantic in a world of OLD and multi-daters.
Hot Chick Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I don't think I've had that conversation because a lot of guys won't try for sex until a few dates. so if they are trying for sex on the first date or something, that's a little creepy. it's like "whoa, boy." If someone sleeps on the first date all the time, they have fUUcked a LOT of people. Gross.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 The ideal situation, IMO, if the people involved really like one another (and nobody's just looking for some poon), they would already be "on the same page" about when to have sex.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 The ideal situation, IMO, if the people involved really like one another (and nobody's just looking for some poon), they would already be "on the same page" about when to have sex. That's making assumptions. Have you read all the posts of people on LS having been hurt by making such assumptions... "I thought we were on the same page and he really liked me.. After sex he dumped me for another girl. I'm devastated.. How do I get him back" Every day on here. The lesson is to communicate, and get to know the person and my thread is to just to see how a man having such restraint would be viewed by women. It seems clear very few men have such self-control judging by the surprised reaction most women would have. Does that mean its a women's job to be the gatekeeper?
Hot Chick Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 No because your classier guys aren't going to go for sex on the first date. They are going to wait for that because they want to get to know you, too, before getting naked. I think it's a disservice to think that all guys just want to get naked right away.
Cypress25 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Does that mean its a women's job to be the gatekeeper? That's what many women have been taught, unfortunately. If a couple has sex too soon and it causes problems or there are unpleasant consequences, people usually blame the woman. Like, "Well, you should have kept your legs closed. I hope you learned your lesson." Because of course, no one expects the man to have any self-control in that situation. It's the woman's job to have self-control.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 No because your classier guys aren't going to go for sex on the first date. They are going to wait for that because they want to get to know you, too, before getting naked. I think it's a disservice to think that all guys just want to get naked right away. agreed. but the thread is about a women making the moves on a guy after several dates and wanting sex.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 That's what many women have been taught, unfortunately. If a couple has sex too soon and it causes problems or there are unpleasant consequences, people usually blame the woman. Like, "Well, you should have kept your legs closed. I hope you learned your lesson." Because of course, no one expects the man to have any self-control in that situation. It's the woman's job to have self-control. Yes I agree with you. That's an issue for women for sure. But I think women often expect men to lead. So men are in a difficult position of knowing when to lead towards sex. Often women like a man making advances. I worded the original post poorly however. It was meant to say "You've just starting dating a women for several dates, who is very attractive and she wants to have sex with you. You tell her you want to be in an exclusive relationship."
Cypress25 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 the thread is about a women making the moves on a guy after several dates and wanting sex. I'm sure you could defend yourself, bluenightowl! Remember, no means no.
Hot Chick Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 agreed. but the thread is about a women making the moves on a guy after several dates and wanting sex. Honestly....your classier women aren't going to do that, either.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Honestly....your classier women aren't going to do that, either. Why not? Are you saying classy women don't make moves on men?
Hot Chick Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 If it's been a few dates and they are pursuing sex....no, they aren't very classy.
january2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I'd respect him for standing firm on what he believes in unless it came across as a ploy or it's an arbitrary decision because he's read it in some rule book somewhere. However, if I really wanted to have sex with him then I would wonder why we weren't moving at the same pace and if it meant that there really wasn't much of a connection.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 If it's been a few dates and they are pursuing sex....no, they aren't very classy. lets say 8 dates then.. does it become classy then?
january2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 My proviso is that we must have spent a lot of time together on those dates. An hour of two of dinner and/or coffee here and there is probably not enough time for me to get to a stage where I'm going to want to have sex with someone.
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