bluenightowl Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 You've just starting dating a women for several dates, who is very attractive and she wants to have sex with you. You tell her you want to wait until you're in an exclusive relationship. How would a woman feel about this?
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I am a hetero woman, so I would not know about what it would be like to date a woman.
Cypress25 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Personally, I'd be overjoyed, but maybe that's because I also like to wait until I'm in an exclusive relationship before I have sex. It's always nice to meet a guy who feels the same way.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I'd patiently wait for him to ask for exclusivity. If he took too long to do that, I'd lose interest. Sex is one of the most important aspects of a romantic/sexual relationship, so I don't like to wait too long to find out if we're sexually compatible. If we're not, there's no point in continuing.
verhrzn Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I'd figure he wasn't attracted to me, or was potentially asexual. (Nothing wrong with being asexual, just isn't for me.)
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I would ask him if he wants to be in an exclusive relationship with me then Honestly I don't know. I myself will only have sex with someone I'm in an exclusive relationship with...
denise_xo Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I don't respect him more or less for taking that position but personally I'm more into going with the flow.
eerie_reverie Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 My bf made me wait for weeks AFTER we were in said relationship. It didn't make me respect him any more, but it probably decreased the risk that I would hit it and quit it as I am wont to do.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Honestly, I always have the most respect for people who live by what they believe. So if the guy was doing that to somehow "get" me to respect him "more," it would fail. If he did it because that was a reflection of his real values, I'd be frothing with respect. Not to mention that the only time I would be ready to have sex with him would be when we were in a committed and exclusive relationship, so it would be a non-issue.
Jynxx Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 You've just starting dating a women for several dates, who is very attractive and she wants to have sex with you. You tell her you want to wait until you're in an exclusive relationship. How would a woman feel about this? I made this mistake once when I was younger so I can tell you she will feel rejected. I can only imagine what kind of shock it must be assuming everyone you get to your bedroom will want to have sex with you for your whole life, then meet someone you like who doesn't. I'm sure it's not a pleasant experience.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 So, what's the actual situation? Or is this one of those more and more irritating (to me) "hypothetical" threads that are supposed to reveal the inner workings of "most women"? Is your INTENTION to develop an exclusive relationship with this particular woman, and when you do, you'll do the deed? Or is this some form of rejection, or power play?
CarrieT Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I had a guy tell me that on a first date and my heart melted right there. I've always had guys who wanted sex immediately and I always gave in (and ultimately regretted it). Of course, ten weeks later - not having done the deed - my heart was broken again by the delay... So there must be some happy medium!
Author bluenightowl Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 So, what's the actual situation? Or is this one of those more and more irritating (to me) "hypothetical" threads that are supposed to reveal the inner workings of "most women"? Is your INTENTION to develop an exclusive relationship with this particular woman, and when you do, you'll do the deed? Or is this some form of rejection, or power play? The intention is of course to develop an exclusive relationship because of values. No power plays. Reading a lot on here, most people say to be clear and communicate what you want. So far most women posted that they would appreciate this, but I suspect most of the women writing here don't try to seduce men into sex before talking about it, so I might be talking to the wrong set of women. I'm really not sure how one can feel rejected though. When the topic of exclusivity comes up, you can just agree to be exclusive and then go on and have sex?
Cypress25 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I'm really not sure how one can feel rejected though. When the topic of exclusivity comes up, you can just agree to be exclusive and then go on and have sex? I think the ones who feel rejected are the ones who assume the guy isn't being sincere. He says "I want to wait until we're exclusive" and she thinks "Yeah right, that's just a nice way of saying he's not attracted to me." If she knew he was being sincere, she probably wouldn't feel rejected.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I would be impressed and yes respect him for this.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Just last week, you received a break - up email from a girl you'd been dating … right? And you've already met one with whom you're sure you wish to pursue a long-term exclusive relationship? And this one is pushing you for sex, after just meeting? It all sounds very, very fast. I suggest you try "dating" the old-fashioned way for a while. You know, where you do stuff together, maybe make out a little, and spend some time getting to know one another.
udolipixie Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 You've just starting dating a women for several dates, who is very attractive and she wants to have sex with you. You tell her you want to wait until you're in an exclusive relationship. How would a woman feel about this? I'd be impressed as that's a unique trait in a guy. I'd also be put off as it means sexual frustration for me until I met your conditions to be in relationship with you. So time to bail if I didn't think the guy was worth it or found him easily replaceable. The women I know who this happened to their feelings were: he rejected me....it then becomes more about me me me he's not that interested....more of feeling what's wrong with me that later became what's wrong with him for not liking me he's playing some game...they felt angry & mistrustful for thinking they were played. ^ apparently not angry enough to stop seeing a guy they think is gaming them he's gay..felt like they got suckered into being a potential cover he's asexual...more of a really can't believe this happened ^ yep some girls would think if a guy doesn't want sex before a relationship while they're dating he's asexual he has a small d*ck....worrying on if he has one and how to bail & hoping he doesn't because they like him. he's a virgin...more worrying on if he is and how to bail & hoping he doesn't because they like him. he's a prude...if he only wants sex after being exclusive he probably has issues with experienced girls and is vanilla he's material...they're impressed and respect him for it. he's material & I'm not.....they're impressed by him and feel less about themselves..some weird sexual shame thing or thinking he has higher standards than her he has an average d*ck...the girl who said that always makes me laugh
Author bluenightowl Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 I'd also be put off as it means sexual frustration for me until I met your conditions to be in relationship with you. So time to bail if I didn't think the guy was worth it or found him easily replaceable. I think a guy asking to wait would be quite happy if a woman bailed because she didn't think he was worth it or easily replaceable. He's not looking for such a girl in the first place. When you flip the genders, this is sometimes how men behave towards women that women complain about so often.
Els Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I would not know, because I'd never offer sex outside of a committed R to begin with. :/
Author bluenightowl Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 I made this mistake once when I was younger so I can tell you she will feel rejected. I can only imagine what kind of shock it must be assuming everyone you get to your bedroom will want to have sex with you for your whole life, then meet someone you like who doesn't. I'm sure it's not a pleasant experience. But wouldn't you also prefer to be sexually exclusive? Wouldn't it be worse to have sex and then find out he's having sex with other women?
serial muse Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I think it would depend a lot on what you meant...let's say you say that to me. Are you trying to tell me you're dating other women and haven't made up your mind about me? Then I would probably cool on you (unless we'd only had one or two dates so far; but it would still be a bit harsh). Or are you trying to tell me that you want to date me exclusively? Then that would be great, and I wouldn't mind waiting. It's all in how you do it, and what you intend by it.
TBH Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 You've just starting dating a women for several dates, who is very attractive and she wants to have sex with you. You tell her you want to wait until you're in an exclusive relationship. How would a woman feel about this? after I had picked myself up off the floor I guess I would be intruiged. I would of course respect him but I would also wonder if maybe he wasnt sexually confident. I'm only guessing though as I have never met a man who said such a thing
udolipixie Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I think a guy asking to wait would be quite happy if a woman bailed because she didn't think he was worth it or easily replaceable. He's not looking for such a girl in the first place. When you flip the genders, this is sometimes how men behave towards women that women complain about so often. That some women complain about. When I give advice that's one of the things some girls can't wrap their heads around that they should be happy he bailed.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Why ask/tell at all? Just show with your actions that you want to spend time with her... don't be trying to dive down her shorts on the first few dates... since that seems to be the 'timeline' people are following these days. If she is diving down YOURS, then that would be your opportunity to perhaps bring it up... I'm growing to hate this word 'exclusive'. If I'm getting physically intimate with anyone, by default I'm 'exclusive'... and I don't multi-date. I'd probably get annoyed if the guy had the 'exclusive' talk with me at all, to some extent... unless it was preceeded by something along the lines of... "unfortunately, OLD and our throw-away culture has dictated that we have STD exams, exclusive relationship talks, and complete background checks before we ****. Please pardon my lack of romantic probity in asking you a few questions before I stick my dick in you"
Cee Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 This situation has never happened to me. In the times a man has begged off physical contact, he was not into me and was trying to let me down gently.
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