joshislost Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Well I think I know my answer, but I just need some help can't seem to shake her my ex broke up with me in June. Since then I have gone on strict no contact, been doing me and going to the gym. Lost about 35 pounds and looking at another 30 off. Yesterday she sent me an email asking how things were and that she has moved out of her house. She moved in with this guy she is dating and is in love with him, but would love to be my friend. I told her no, and I can't, but maybe down the line if things don't work out in any scenario maybe we can come back into this neutral and see where it goes, I just don't want to be friends. She said that'll never happen and that she wants friends, I am never friends with my exs, but she keeps pushing the subject and wont drop it. Today she is giving me an ultimatum basically saying either friends or never talk to her again forever. I have told her no, but maybe down the line if things dont work out we could meet and see where it goes, but I DO NOT want friends. I cant do friends minus the physical and emotional connection. She doesn't seem to get that and won't leave it at that. I am wondering what's her real motive. Is her current bf not doing it for her, does she want me around to make him jealous. Does she simply want a friend or more. If I was her bf and she was doing this **** i'd flip like she's pushing me into it and i don't want to put myself in that situation. She was always a *****, but now is being super nice. I just need some advice on what's going on here and how I should proceed. Thanks for any help!
TheDovic Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 It's hard to tell, sometimes being friends is a way of easing guilt of the breakup, although if it happened in June this is unlikely to be the case, especially since you haven't spoken since then. Another possible reason is she is looking to make life easier for herself, i.e. do you have mutual friends who would be angry at her for moving on so quickly or do you hang out the same places? Alternatively she may miss your company (as a friend) even if she no longer views you as a partner. She could also be trying to keep her options open in case it doesn't work out with the new guy. Finally she might be trying to get back into your life because she is still in love with you, although I'm a bit sceptical about this as she seemed to really insist that you would never be together again. In saying that however our feelings following a break up often change by the minute, so whilst she is saying she only views you as a friend, her actions might be saying something else i.e. she has been persistent in chasing you despite you telling her clearly you don't want to be just friends.
TLCbear Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Today she is giving me an ultimatum basically saying either friends or never talk to her again forever. She definitely have a motive alright...or she could just be a crazy chick. Never heard of someone giving an ultimatum or trying to make another be their friend. I doubt she wants you back, seems to me like she's trying to have you as a back up plan.
antz2411 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 dood she saying you are no longer desirable to her as a partner. she gave you an ultimatum as favor. she does not really care to be your friend at all. what she wants is for you to really disappear and she can give two *****s if you did thats what the ultimatum was for. if i were you, i would decide to grow a pair and move on.
EgoJoe Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 This is exactly what you say, "Boy you really think highly of yourself. Your value has just dropped in my eyes, again. I don't want to be your friend as I value myself accordingly with modesty. Peace."
Author joshislost Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 It's hard to tell, sometimes being friends is a way of easing guilt of the breakup, although if it happened in June this is unlikely to be the case, especially since you haven't spoken since then. Another possible reason is she is looking to make life easier for herself, i.e. do you have mutual friends who would be angry at her for moving on so quickly or do you hang out the same places? Alternatively she may miss your company (as a friend) even if she no longer views you as a partner. She could also be trying to keep her options open in case it doesn't work out with the new guy. Finally she might be trying to get back into your life because she is still in love with you, although I'm a bit sceptical about this as she seemed to really insist that you would never be together again. In saying that however our feelings following a break up often change by the minute, so whilst she is saying she only views you as a friend, her actions might be saying something else i.e. she has been persistent in chasing you despite you telling her clearly you don't want to be just friends. We don't have mutual friends, and don't have a mutual hang out place she lived about 40 miles away from me at the time. She did insist we would never be together again, but who knows down the road things may change we are both still young. Hence I resisted her friend request and would rather have nothing then be friend zoned by her. I am just soo confused on why she is so persistent on being friends with me. I don't want that but seems she kept on pushing it. She definitely have a motive alright...or she could just be a crazy chick. Never heard of someone giving an ultimatum or trying to make another be their friend. I doubt she wants you back, seems to me like she's trying to have you as a back up plan. She is crazy I know that for a fact, i dated her lol. I have never heard of that either. A true friend wouldn't do that, or force it like that onto someone. dood she saying you are no longer desirable to her as a partner. she gave you an ultimatum as favor. she does not really care to be your friend at all. what she wants is for you to really disappear and she can give two *****s if you did thats what the ultimatum was for. if i were you, i would decide to grow a pair and move on. A favor for what, I haven't initiated contact at all. She contacted me, I was doing fine, sure i missed her, but had no intent on contacting her. If she wants me to disappear why would she contact me in the first place? I am the one who hasn't contacted her. This is exactly what you say, "Boy you really think highly of yourself. Your value has just dropped in my eyes, again. I don't want to be your friend as I value myself accordingly with modesty. Peace." LMFAO that's great. I am just leaving it at silent for now, her last email was the ultimatum it went along the lines of: I don't think you realize the real benefits of us being friends. Wouldn't you rather be friends and talk to me. "us" will never happen again. Your choice is to be friends and talk or to never talk to me again. I haven't responded to that. I just wonder if that is the end from her or she'll be back.
Rorschach64 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Possible narcassism and ego centric. I am so glad you aren't giving in to her and nailing her with NC, screw that friend ****. I am really glad
TLCbear Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I haven't responded to that. I just wonder if that is the end from her or she'll be back. Oh she'll be back. Whatever you do, do not allow yourself to fall into her trap. Wow, what a cocky attitude she has about friendship, like she's actually doing YOU a favor, lmao.
Recommended Posts