melenkurion Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I went to see my counsellor this morning. I think it's nearly time to stop counselling, I am much better than I was before. However, I am reluctant to stop until I am safely through the one year anniversary of the break-up. I don't much talk about my ex in counselling any longer, but today I did. My counsellor happened to ask me today what it was that I found out first (I'd snooped). I was astonished to find I couldn't remember exactly what I had found out. A year ago I would have known exactly what I had found, word-for-word. My ex sort of admitted to something, and again, I couldn't quite remember what it was he had admitted to. A year ago I was obsessed over the precise nuance of the words he had chosen. I was asked how it felt to recall the discovery/breakup. The honest answer is that I can replay it in my head, and I feel nothing whatsoever any longer. That was quite a welcome surprise to me. I'd avoided thinking about it lately, since I thought it would upset me. She asked me about a different time when still in the relationship, and I was at a very low point (ex wasn't working, he was depressed, I was cooking all meals, he was eating them alone in the study while "chatting" to other guys on the internet). It was so strange. That whole sorry period feels like it happened to someone else. In a very real way, it did. Today is just an ordinary day. I am not ridiculously happy, I am not randomly blue. I'm OK. I am going to be just fine. This feels like a quiet epiphany.
eleanorhurting Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I cant wait for that day to come for me.
Author melenkurion Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 It will, I promise. I never thought that it would come for me. I have an excellent memory, tend to remember everything in full detail, complete with the emotional state. And yet here I am.
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