kuftee Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 My girlfriend recently broke up with me with this email after months of lying to and pretending all was ok. "Its so hard to tell you this , but I want to break up with you. I met someone and fell in love.... " We were in a serious relationship and i understand these things happen but the fact she was so cold in breaking up with me is consuming me. I already responded basically just asking for for her to do the right thing and contact me so i can have some closure, but no reply. Would realy like to know what people think is the best way to respond to this kind of thing. Also whether getting revenge is ever exceptable when someone is so cold in breaking up.
headsashed Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 i wouldnt contact her at all,she didnt even have the balls to say it in person so she isnt worth your time. All i would do is not talk to her whatsoever,that will hit her harder than any nasty words or anything. but thats just me.
Eeyore79 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I would acknowledge the email by simply replying "Fine" or something similar. Then forget about her, she isn't worth your time. Dumping someone by email is an incredibly cruel and cowardly thing to do.
oldguy Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I don't mean to sound cold but it came off as the classic, 'dear John letter'. At least she didn't do it with a face book msg or text. What surprised me a bit was her reasoning was included & cold. She could have let you down a little more easily that telling you she met someone else & has fallen in love. That sounds like anger. Maybe you want to avoid women who are not confident when your ready to date again.
smudge21 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 She's met someone else - that's cold and in no way considers your feelings. Sorry but although she's been honest, she should have thought about it more. That screams to me she doesn't care, so any contact you make will just be ignored and you'll feel worse. Just leave it, if she does reply back giving you closure then I'd ignore that too. If she says about talking to get closure I'd personally say no thanks as her first message said it all. What closure can you possibly expect from a woman who would dump someone is such a cold heartless manner. It's so hard to tell you this, she says... you're not telling him anything darling, you're emailing him and you couldn't even do that with dignity.
M2155 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 E-mail is an easy-way-out route, it's never what we want. But at any rate, she sent you an email telling you she was breaking up and why she was doing it. She didn't respond to your request because it IS closure. There is nothing more you can know that is going to help you. The more you know, the more you're going to wonder, question, replay etc.. and believe me you are better off with how she left it. It's really hard but just let her go gracefully, you'll be better off in the long run. My ex was in love with someone else. He didn't even tell me that much, just one day I got a text that he couldn't hang out anymore. No reasons, no sorry, no goodbye. The only "revenge" we can get is being better off without them. And one day you will be.
Mack05 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 (edited) She is a coward mate. Thinking of revenge is pointless..You are just stooping to her level. The best revenge on an ex is to live your life well...Even if you sent her a mail telling her what's what, it is a pointless exercise wasted on a coward. Please Read my thread on cowards -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281186/ and below on why you must stay NC.. I Must have Closure. You may have many questions, but you need to accept that some will never get answered. Even if you have questions that seem to drive you crazy, you must decide that the answers don't matter, probably won't make sense, probably aren't going to satisfy you and are not going to give you any sense of closure. It is your responsibility to accept that you may have to close this chapter without answers, explanations, and without input from someone else. It is not only possible for you to survive without the answers but it's necessary. Staying in the questions, repeating them and ruminating over the possible answers will only keep you stuck. Despite your fervent belief that somehow one final scene with your ex will lead to closure, it will not. You don't need to know what your ex thinks or why your ex did this or that, to move on. If you want closure, you need to do the grief work, intergrate the experience into your life and turn the page. That is how closure happens...FROM WITHIN.. I just need to make sense of it all" and I just have one more thing to say to you before I let go"...You may think that if you can just talk sense into your ex, then everything will be fine. You may have heard illogical or unreasonable explanations that left you stunned and speechless at the time, but now they go round and round in your head and you can think of a thousand rebuttals to them all. As you ruminate on the things your ex said, you come up with reasons your ex is wrong, and then you start to imagine how having a change to talk things out will resolve all the misunderstandings. It becomes your impassioned belief that you can have a conversation and turn the wrongheadedness around. If your ex dumped you and you think it was the wrong thing to do, he or she needs to figure that out. You can't be the one to "fix" your ex's thinking. The bottom line is that if your ex see's things in a cockeyed way now, he or she is going to continue to see things the same way whenever you are not around to correct this twisted prespective. It takes hard work and constant vigilance to keep someone "thinking correctly", and you don't want that kind of responsibility or control. The fact is you need to accept that you have been with someone whose approach to life is simply incompatible to yours. Perhaps it was evident that you thought in different ways, saw the world differently, and operated on irreconcilable differences but you chose to ignore it or worked hard to correct it. You can't ignore dissimilar viewpoints any longer. Accept the fact that you think differently and let it go so you can find someone whose way of thinking is compatible with yours. Following the advice I have just given you will save you months of heartbreak. I was where you are mate. Learn from my mistakes. Obsessing over her or why she did it will drive me demented. No matter how much you reflect or obsess you will never get the answers you are looking for. It's ok to feel angry. You will go through a myriad of emotions. It's known as the five stages of grief. Right now you are in denial -> http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ It is going to be extremely different not to break No contact. Please fight the temptation. It will save you months of additional heartbreak. Follow my advice above PLEASE!! (It's extremely hard when you are hurting and not thinking rationally). Eventually (you will know when) to fully heal, forgive her and move on.. http://learningtoforgive.com/9-steps/ Now it's vital to focus on your grieving and your healing instead of why she did or what she did..When you feel yourself obsessing on her, stop yourself and focus your thoughts back on yourself..It's tough, damn tough but is the best and only way to heal effectively.. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. Edited September 27, 2011 by Mack05
Chi townD Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I would acknowledge the email by simply replying "Fine" or something similar. Then forget about her, she isn't worth your time. Dumping someone by email is an incredibly cruel and cowardly thing to do. I would have replied with, "Who is this?"
Author kuftee Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Would realy like to thank everyone who replied to my post. I've been in a pretty dark place lately and it's the first time i've ever posted anything and found it realy helpfull. One thing i'm sure of is i want nothing more to do with her but just wish it didn't have to end this way. I still feel very angry and hurt and agree that it is closure just not the kind i would of liked. I would like nothing more than to be able to forgive her and move on but how do you forgive someone than doesn't seem to care how i feel or even whether i forgive her or not? Would be nice to know that she does have some kind of consciounce. Also i feel like just avoiding any contact is making it easy for her and giving her exactly what she wants.
Mack05 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Also i feel like just avoiding any contact is making it easy for her and giving her exactly what she wants. What do you hope to achieve by chasing/hassling her? read my post above. She will never be able to give you closure. Sadly there are people we have meet in our lives, who turn out not who we hoped or expected. This can be devastating and very hard to recover from. How can someone we loved, and trusted behave like this to us? Focusing on the why's will drive you crazy. Chasing for answers will drive you even crazier. If you overly hassle her, she will just go the police. Nothing can be achieved from this pursuit of 'justice'. Leave with your self respect in tact. She is the coward not you. Wasting another second on this girl is time wasted.
geegirl Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 "Also i feel like just avoiding any contact is making it easy for her and giving her exactly what she wants." Making it easy for her? She's broken up with you to make it easy for her to be with someone else. She's detached herself from you. You're thinking from your emotions and feeling that your outlook is her outlook. She's not emotional about you therefore, any type of anything that you do will not affect her. She is in love with someone else and her focus and attention is somewhere else. Your closure is she is in love with someone else. What else is there? You're just making excuses becasue you are in denial and you can't let go.
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