Buttercup84 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 My ex and I lived together for almost two years . We lived in our last place for 6 months . I got on so well with the neighbours , loved the neighborhood and became friendly with people working in the stores and our local cafe . It was like a small town , and we lived in the suburb I always loved . I could really see myself having kids there and never moving . On the day he ended it , I moved out . Days later I got the lease form to sign saying that I no longer live there . Apart from having to deal with my heartbreak , I lost my home . I was going to grow sunflowers in our garden this summer , paint in our granny flat and other things . I'm back at my parents at 27 and it pisses me off that he has the place , no heartbreak , and I'm sure he has a girl . I feel like someone intruded my place , she is sleeping in the bed I bought , cuddling on the couch , talking to our neighbours . I know it's stupid but my whole life is different . I don't know how I'm going to afford my own place . It's. So unfair he gets to keep his life and find love again . Sorry for the rant .
Lucio Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 yea i get what u mean.. i liked the cafes and stores near her place too and the owners all recognize me and know what i order/buy. now i feel sad knowing that i won't be going there.
oldguy Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Just wondering, why did he you move out instead of him? In any case, sorry, that sucks. If it helps at all; after my first marriage ended I felt like I had been abandon, then I woke one morning feeling like I had a whole new life waiting to be created. It also took me a long time to go through the anger stage but when I finally did it was so refreshing, It lasted about a week, friends & family thought it was great and when it was over, it was finally over.
Author Buttercup84 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Just wondering, why did he you move out instead of him? In any case, sorry, that sucks. If it helps at all; after my first marriage ended I felt like I had been abandon, then I woke one morning feeling like I had a whole new life waiting to be created. It also took me a long time to go through the anger stage but when I finally did it was so refreshing, It lasted about a week, friends & family thought it was great and when it was over, it was finally over. I moved out as my parents are here and his parents live far away.Plus he earns more than me and I couldn't afford the rent alone. I am glad things are better for you x
oldguy Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 It gets better. And it's almost spring there isn't it? Time to start fresh :-)
mike588 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I have/had the same feelings. Try not to look down the road to far concerning your future. Take it day by day. I could'nt even do that and had to take it hour by hour. I know it seems so unfair, so wrong and it upsets me and others on here that are in similar situations.
M2155 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I don't know your situation but maybe you can find a roommate or get a much smaller place. Don't think about your ties to him where you were dependent. Maybe this was a push you needed to go out and do it on your own and become a stronger person. It sucks they seem to pick up with their happy lives without skipping a beat but I'm sure their day will come when times are not so great.
oldguy Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 It sucks they seem to pick up with their happy lives without skipping a beat but I'm sure their day will come when times are not so great. I read this & heard the anger & especially the part; "I'm sure their day will come", & I knew it was finally over when I let that part go. When I knew I really did not care one way or the other, when my ex became so insignificant that it wasn't a matter of just not caring, it was just not even considering or thinking about her. After 20 plus years that did take awhile, but it wasn't until then that I was completely free. I think that should be the goal. After 20 plus years, 2 families integrated into my life & adult children involved, if I can get to that point, anyone can.
Diogenes Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 About how long Oldguy? I'm coming off 24 years of marriage that my wife walked out of. It's been three months now and things are getting better, but it still slaps me about from time to time when I least expect it
shayla Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Yeah, it does suck that he does all that damage and he still gets to merrily trip along to the next one without missing a beat. My ex dumped me, married the other woman 2 months later, and he had his kids at the wedding playing big happy family....guess what? His daughter is 34 years old and he walked out on her and her mother when she was 7 and never looked back. She sought him out a couple of years ago after seeing him on facebook. And his son, HA! He never was a part of his life at all, my ex hated the kid's mother, wrote "slut support" on the memo line of all the child support checks. So why all of a sudden are they inseperable? Because he wanted to cause both their mothers pain all in one swoop, he left them the same way he left me at different times in his life, to go off and marry the other woman! He was able to collectively slap us all in the face at once, a win win for him! Three decades of women he has destroyed, and on that day I am sure he was so very pleased with himself. And I have thought more than once, how does this man get to abuse over and over again and still land on his feet? How is he able to treat so many so badly and never reap what he sows? Some people are just able to do that with no heart and no conscience and there is no answer why, it just is what it is. I am very grateful that the end of that relationship was not the end of me loving, trusting, and appreciating a good man. None of those other women have been in a serious relationship since my ex walked out on them, none of them except for me.
oldguy Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 (edited) About how long Oldguy? I'm coming off 24 years of marriage that my wife walked out of. It's been three months now and things are getting better, but it still slaps me about from time to time when I least expect it Wow, sorry. It's going to be different for everyone. The marriage turned bad only the last year or so before it ended & when it did I briefly felt a little guilty because there was a sense of relief. Due to the, adult children, I contained a lot of the normal feelings. That was a huge mistake as I should have just found a way to deal with my feelings away from them as she still is their mother & you don't ever want to put them in the middle of that. Anger was the last of the 5 stages of grief for me; It was probably almost 2 years before I really got angry. I woke up one morning with it. I didn't 'take it to the streets' I just allowed it pour out for the better part of a week & then it ended as quickly as it began. Friends & close relatives thought it was great & even laughed. Later a few told me that it was about time. It was after that, that with continued work I really healed. Ironically, until just a few years ago I was a counselor, primarily a relationship counselor Hey, even the best mechanics have car trouble , But it wasn't until I started getting help, sometimes for just a few months at a time, that things started to progress completely. . I'm sorry for what your going through. Any children? One of the positives that comes from a divorce, and there are a few, is that after awhile you will know for sure who your real friends are. Edited September 27, 2011 by oldguy
M2155 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Wow Shayla, that's a pretty deep story. Hope I got my jerk of a guy out of the way early Oldguy, I didn't say that out of anger (although I have said it out of anger before). I just think if someone hurts you or mistreats you- and breaking up isn't neccessarily in most cases with the intention of doing either- they may short term be real happy with whatever their new situation is but there is bound to come a time when they experience some challenges. It's magnified for us on the other end when you are still hurt, they seem carefree and unaffected. But they won't stay as happy as they look, surely they will have some tough times just as we have good times to look foward to (even if you have to imagine it right now;)).
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