Els Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Been with the bf for over 3 years now, and been living together for the past year or so. There is a minor problem with our sleep arrangements. He wakes up at 6.45am for work, and sleeps 6 hours a day. I absolutely need to sleep 8 straight hours, or my brain doesn't function optimally the next day. I'm doing a very high pressure course where I -need- my brain to be functioning optimally everyday. Recently, I realized that it was detrimental to me to be woken up at 6.45am everyday when he gets up. I sometimes manage to go back to sleep after that, but I just don't feel rested if I sleep in two parts instead of one unbroken stretch. I can't go to bed earlier cause he'll wake me up when he comes in to sleep. Besides, we only have like 2-3 hours together in between dinner and sleep, as it is, so I don't want to cut into that. Recently I've asked him to sleep in the other room occasionally for the past week or so, as an experiment. God, I feel so much more rested on those days. I'm considering asking to sleep separately on weekdays and together on weekends, til my course ends in a months' time. I know he'll agree, he won't want to get in the way of my studies. But ugh, why do I feel so guilty about it? I feel like we're supposed to sleep together like couples do. I also miss him. On those nights when we sleep separately, we have intimacy before I send him to bed, but I miss him when I go to bed alone after that and it's cold and.. alone.
january2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 It's only for another month. As a means of assuaging some of your guilt, perhaps you can arrange to do something special to celebrate the end of your course afterwards, your treat.
tigressA Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I think you should have separate sleeping arrangements until your course is over. You say you really need 8 hours of unbroken sleep, and the only way you will get it is by sleeping separately on required days. It's only another month, and you'll be sleeping together on weekends during that month as well. No reason to feel guilty about it at all.
Author Els Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 It's not really just for another month.. it could potentially be something that I'll permanently need, in the career line that I'm in. Granted that after a month summer hols start and I'll be fine... But courses start again next year. Thanks for the reassurances though.. and that's a great idea, january! I don't have much cash, but could probably cook something up.
betterdeal Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Lots of couples sleep separately as a matter course and for much the same reasons you want to. Conversely, many couples end up in the divorce courts because of snoring. Sleeping together is often a necessity driven by lack of space to do otherwise. Enjoy having the space so that you can both get a decent nights sleep.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Been with the bf for over 3 years now, and been living together for the past year or so. There is a minor problem with our sleep arrangements. He wakes up at 6.45am for work, and sleeps 6 hours a day. I absolutely need to sleep 8 straight hours, or my brain doesn't function optimally the next day. ... Why don't you go to bed earlier?
CarrieT Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 ... Why don't you go to bed earlier? That was my thought as well...
Queen Zenobia Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Well, I think you have two reasonable options: sleep separately or go to sleep earlier. My fiance gets up at 5:45 or 6 a.m. to go for a run before work. At first I found it really annoying since I wanted to sleep in a little bit. Eventually I just said "f*** it" and started going on runs with him. My sleep schedule has pretty much adjusted to it now.
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I read an article the other day that was about the most inane ways to have a happy/better relationship, and on the list was sleeping separately.
Author Els Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 This is why I can't sleep earlier, as I said in my OP. Also, he likes intimacy just before he sleeps, so it would probably be more detrimental for him if I were to sleep earlier. He wakes up at 6.45am for work, and sleeps 6 hours a day. I can't go to bed earlier cause he'll wake me up when he comes in to sleep. Besides, we only have like 2-3 hours together in between dinner and sleep, as it is, so I don't want to cut into that. ROFL SG and betterdeal, that sounds counterintuitive but does make sense in a way.
Cypress25 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Nothing wrong with what you're doing. Sometimes I go sleep in another room when my boyfriend starts making video game noises in his sleep.
somedude81 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I've read a few articles about couples sleeping in separate rooms. Why not? He'll have his room and she'll have hers. Sure people can sleep over in somebody eles's room if they want to, but they don't have to. Personally I'm a very light sleeper and I toss and turn a lot. I can't imagine falling asleep with somebody in the same bed as me.
Author Els Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 I'm not sure if I would be happy with that being a permanent arrangement. But yeah, I think I'll ask him to do the weekdays-separate-sleeping thing today, finish my finals at the end of this month and then tackle next year when it comes to it. I really will miss sleeping together though.
betterdeal Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Thing is, you can pick and mix it up a bit. You join him in his room; he join you in your room when the mood takes you (both). Longer term, maybe a change of job will give him hours better suited to synchronising with you, if that's all that keeps him waking up earlier than you. If not, if he's happy with fewer hours sleep than you, why do you wake up when he does? Can he get up and leave the room with minimal disturbance and you continue sleeping? Maybe put his clothes for the next day out on the landing / in the bathroom so all he needs to do is get out of bed and leave the room.
Recommended Posts