colliejoanie Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 My ex husband and I divorced three years ago. It was a messy divorce, we have one 3 year old little girl, and he's been completely out of the picture until about 4 months ago. He finally decided to show up, and he's seeing our daughter every Saturday for a few hours. He and his girlfriend take her to their apartment pool and I pick her up. We have gotten to the point where we all get along, and I usually sit and talk with them for a little while and let our daughter play. While there, I've met quite a few of their friends. One guy inparticular found me on facebook and we started talking. He invited me over for a cookout, and was just all in all a perfect gentleman. We've been talking for about a month, and it's gotten to the point where we want to go out. My ex husband found out we were talking (not that I was hiding it. I don't think it's his business, but I thought the friend should bring it up with him) and has really been a jerk about it. My thoughts, like I said are that it's not his business. We've been divorced for three years and he lives with his girlfriend. Should the friend bring this up with him? Should I forget about dating the friend? Should I say something to my ex husband?
tigressA Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Don't concern yourself with what your ex thinks. Ignore him and have fun with this new guy.
thatone Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 i think you should NOT say anything to the ex about it, you seem to be on friendly terms so don't screw that up, for your child's sake. however, you could talk to the new guy about it. explain the ex's position and talk to him about it. if he can't have that conversation rationally and honestly, then he's probably not going to work out for very long anyway. as long as you and the guy you're dating are on the same page it doesn't matter what your ex husband thinks. that should be your only concern, really.
Author colliejoanie Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 I agree, the one thing is that I feel like things are going pretty smoothly, and while it is my ex husband's duty to see and help take care of his daughter, I don't think he's mature enough to see it that way. I feel like if he gets mad @ me he'll disappear......hurting our daughter. I hate that he's able to continue to control us in this manner, but I feel like I'm kind of in a tough spot. I really like this guy, and would like to get to know him more. However, i don't want to jeapordize this budding relationship between my ex and our daughter - as well as me and the new girlfriend.......
Trolly Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I'll just say real quick that any time I think of dating one of my exes friends I think about her dating one of my friends and then i'm able to say their are plenty of other women out there. I'm not even saying it's wrong (per say). I'm just saying ask yourself the same question and if you can honestly say you'd be fine with it then go forth. just my two cents
youngskywalker Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I think it's low class to date the ex-girlfriend of a friend. But to date the friend of an ex seems to be less of a problem. It all depends how your ex feels about it. Look at it this way... why go through the motions if it's just going to piss him off? He is the father of your child which means you're forced to have some contact with him. When a kid is involved it's best to keep as much peace as possible. This is one of those situations where it might be best to outright ask your ex if he would be offended. Some men (me included) wouldn't like it. If he isn't on board with the idea he could easily talk behind your back and sabotage the whole thing, leaving you look like a fool. Or maybe he'd be happy for you. I wouldn't proceed until I found out. I don't agree with the other comments that you shouldn't care what your ex thinks about it. If there wasn't a kid in the picture then he could go pound sand but since that isn't the case why stir up strife when you're going to be having contact with with him regularly for the next... oh say... 15 years.
youngskywalker Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 its low class that you push these ****ty rules. just like my neighbor who makes homophobic statements that gays shouldnt be allowed to marry. i got into a fistfight with this pile of ****. The op had a serious question if her ex might be offended. well, some men would. I think it's low class that you portray an attitude that a person should do whatever 'they' want without considering the other person and the consequences it may bring.
Trolly Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I'm not out to insult anyone, but I kind of share the same mindset as Skywalker. There's a lot of pain and confusion in this world and at this point in my life i try to add to that as little as possible. That includes not completely disregarding the feelings of people including my exes even if they deserve it. I suppose we all have our boundaries though.
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