LoveHurts88 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 So for those who have read my story. Me and my ex-girlfriend just recently got back together for a month. She decided to be with me and not him and now we just broke up yesterday.. We broke up because she says we aren't compatible and that I don't treat her like an adult. She's 23. I baby her I guess. For example I would ask her if she's hungry and she doesn't like me asking her that but it's just so hard to not ask if your in a relationship. Maybe that's just an excuse. Another example would be when we play poker there's no more room or there's a lot more people on the table than usual I would tell her she can have my spot she would decline and I would ask her a few times and she would find that annoying. To me I do that because I don't want her to be bored and because I want her to have fun. Basically I put her infront of myself. We'll that didn't work. Also I found out that she still talks to the other guy and I may be right or wrong but she might have also blocked me on her what'sapp program during the time we were back together. I am pretty sure they talk and now we broke up. She says that we are not compatible and we left on bad terms. I said we can't be friends and that we shouldn't talk if we break up because I still have feelings. So I texted her today to see if she was just fustrated or if she meant it and it seemed like she did so we definately left it on bad terms. I guess its time for me to forget about everything and move on? I also flattered her quite a bit saying she's sooo hot all the time and I guess it backfired on me maybe she thinks she can get someone better now. What do you guys think? I didn't feel as much pain as when we broke up previously but I teared knowing that we won't be together anymore. =(
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 You made all the classic Rookie Mistakes... Just like the rest of us. =( what was that mistake? What do I do from here on?
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 You didn't have your confidence, set / maintain any boundaries and lost your "mojo". Therefore, you ended up trying to hard, not standing up for yourself and what was right (a.k.a - Doormat). She lost respect for you and well, you know the rest. It's hard... We have all been there and made the same mistakes. You need to work on your confidence, setting / maintaining your boundaries so you can get your "mojo" back. So I should leave it as is now? Forget about it move on? Maybe text her and say I respect your decision and I know we left on bad terms but I wish you the best? I can see where u are coming from I read the doormat post before and yes I was for sure the "doormat". What do I do from this point on?
wilsonx Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 No contact and move on. Do you want to be a doormat again?
coltsfan1 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 LoveHurt- These men speak the truth, move on don't look back. But rest assure everyone of us has been the rookie at some point, that is how WE learned not to lose our mojo and set boundaries. Your best bet is to channel all your feeling into fire to get that job, gain/loss that weight, and attract the next gal. You attracted her you will attract another. Repeat this to yourself hourly, daily, by the minute if need be!
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Yup I understand where u guys are coming from. I just ended it on goodterms just now and said my goodbyes. She asked if she could still talk to me if she wanted to and if she needed to I told her okay but not if ur seeing this other guy or if u date this other guy don't even bother. And if u wanted to get back together after all of this no chance. And that's that time to finish school and start making paper. Plenty of fish in the sea boys! Thanks guys. I know it'll be painful so I will be updating how I feel during this time. Any suggestions welcomed keep em comign u guys are the best.
Cowboy1015 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Do not contact her anymore. If I was your girlfriend I would be annoyed too. You need to find someone else who would love you the way you are. Or try to change, do not always try to please your woman.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Do not contact her anymore. If I was your girlfriend I would be annoyed too. You need to find someone else who would love you the way you are. Or try to change, do not always try to please your woman. That's the thing I tried too hard to please her. Gave her what I could. Did what I could. I always told her she was the hottest girl ever and I guess well made her think she could get better or something. I treated her really well IMO she would prolly beg to differ. All of her relationships last about a year. I guess she gets bored. We'll I won't be talking to her anymore so she can do what she wants. Its just so pissing to know what she did to me. I don't think she gets the point where as I won't be there for her anymore she probably thinks ill always be around.
Cowboy1015 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 That's the thing I tried too hard to please her. Gave her what I could. Did what I could. I always told her she was the hottest girl ever and I guess well made her think she could get better or something. I treated her really well IMO she would prolly beg to differ. All of her relationships last about a year. I guess she gets bored. We'll I won't be talking to her anymore so she can do what she wants. Its just so pissing to know what she did to me. I don't think she gets the point where as I won't be there for her anymore she probably thinks ill always be around. And this is your flaw as a boyfriend. You put her on a pedestal. You are not a challenge to her. She got bored. Learn form this experience.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Thanks everyones. So today i decided to post a comment on my fb, and one of her friends told her and she got mad. She said stop wanting to get attention etc. That wasnt my goal nor was it anythibg so she texts me and shes all mad. And she says i treated her really bad. Well now i know. Iuno why she gave me another chance if i treated her like crap. Imo i treated her pretty well. Even during the times we argued even tho i wasnt wrong or when she did smth wrong i forgae her maybe i forgave her too soon. Now that i think of it theres this other guy even when we were dating and now im pretty sure shes gonna give him a chance. It hurts but its life i guess right? And for her to do that to me im not mad im disappointed but not mad for everything she did to me. I really think its time for me to say bye. I said my goodbyes and told her im gone she hasnt replied nor do i think she will. Shes a very stubborn person who always wins our arguments. A part of me wants to b with her another part just says forget it shes not worth it anymore cuz she really hurt me although i might have hurt her in the past hence why i was a bad bf.. What do u guys think? I was on nc since last nght but she texted me but im pretty sure this is the end for the both of us? Thanks
Chi townD Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Dude, just let it be...let her go. If you know you tried to make it work, then you have nothing to regret. Time to heal and move on.
Luckless Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I know the feeling, I did EVERYTHING for my boyfriend, as well as for his son. I would cook, because he would literally microwave everything, and nothing was healthy. I would mend his clothes, as well as his son's. I would teach him how to properly do laundry, how to shop to get the best deal, etc. I did these things because he acted like a caveman, and I know he could use some help. He however, always seemed to appreciate it. And he did pretty much nothing for me. Most recently, his bday, I gave him a MP3 player, two polo shirts, and shorts. My bday, ummm let's see, a plaque from the hallmark store saying "best friends" and flowers from the supermarket. Sometimes we just try to overly please. It's in some people's nature. HOWEVER, if she dumped you to go to another guy, AND you took her back, tsk tsk, shame on you. If a guy did that to me, he'd be watching by backside as I walked away.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 I know the feeling, I did EVERYTHING for my boyfriend, as well as for his son. I would cook, because he would literally microwave everything, and nothing was healthy. I would mend his clothes, as well as his son's. I would teach him how to properly do laundry, how to shop to get the best deal, etc. I did these things because he acted like a caveman, and I know he could use some help. He however, always seemed to appreciate it. And he did pretty much nothing for me. Most recently, his bday, I gave him a MP3 player, two polo shirts, and shorts. My bday, ummm let's see, a plaque from the hallmark store saying "best friends" and flowers from the supermarket. Sometimes we just try to overly please. It's in some people's nature. HOWEVER, if she dumped you to go to another guy, AND you took her back, tsk tsk, shame on you. If a guy did that to me, he'd be watching by backside as I walked away. I know what u mean, I tried to do the best I could for her. Mon-Fri I have school from 9-5 and I come home and try to do what I can for her.. After all of this im not mad at her im disappointed in her. Especially if shes gonna be with that guy who knows. She asks if she can still text me if she needed to talk... I said my goodbye to her although I do love her and wish she never left but if it's not meant to be it's not meant to be. She says we are not compatible then I guess there's no reason for me to hang on. Even if she realizes it'll be too late. Its time for me to move on as much as I hate to say it. I just want her to realize what she had. People say that once you start dating you know if u have a future with this person or not. I guess she didn't feel the way with me. Like many of u guys u guys tell me to do NC and move on we'll I think it's time for me to do that.. For some strange reason I believe she will be texting me sometime soon maybe in a week or a month and when that time comes I don't know what to do. After all of this, it's an experience and now I know what not to do.
mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Yea and if your not sweet or nice to her and don't help out they leave you saying your lazy or did'nt care.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Yea and if your not sweet or nice to her and don't help out they leave you saying your lazy or did'nt care. Exactly, when we first broke up she said that I was lazy and I was taking her for granted.. I didn't do the stuff I did before so now that I do it she doesnt' like it..I am thinking that this is just an excuse for her to leave.. I mean she said I treated her like crap. I honestly think I treated her quite well. She doesn't like arguments so I dropped everything. Till this done I am pretty sure she doesn't know what she wants and needs. We'll I haven't spoken to her for about half a day now haha and I am sure that it'll b longer. Her sister even said that she said that I was good to her and stuff so I have no idea anymore on what's going on..
wilsonx Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Exactly, when we first broke up she said that I was lazy and I was taking her for granted.. I didn't do the stuff I did before so now that I do it she doesnt' like it..I am thinking that this is just an excuse for her to leave.. I mean she said I treated her like crap. I honestly think I treated her quite well. She doesn't like arguments so I dropped everything. Till this done I am pretty sure she doesn't know what she wants and needs. We'll I haven't spoken to her for about half a day now haha and I am sure that it'll b longer. Her sister even said that she said that I was good to her and stuff so I have no idea anymore on what's going on.. Shes a runner. let her go. Reflect hard on all the red flags of this relationship. This girl and many more that you will find are extremely broken like this. If you meet another one, you can be friends with them but dont cross the line or its going to hurt just like this again.
mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Exactly, when we first broke up she said that I was lazy and I was taking her for granted.. I didn't do the stuff I did before so now that I do it she doesnt' like it..I am thinking that this is just an excuse for her to leave.. I mean she said I treated her like crap. I honestly think I treated her quite well. She doesn't like arguments so I dropped everything. Till this done I am pretty sure she doesn't know what she wants and needs. We'll I haven't spoken to her for about half a day now haha and I am sure that it'll b longer. Her sister even said that she said that I was good to her and stuff so I have no idea anymore on what's going on.. Yea it's damn if you do and damn if you don't. My exs. 2 sisters told me that they had never seen her so happy then she dumps me. Go figure. My head is still spinning trying to figure it out.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 I can see where ur coming from. Shes a "runner" yeah I can see that that's cause she doesn't know what she wants. She tells me she wants to settle down etc yet it doesn't seem that way unless I am not the right person for her. It just seems like I can't please this girl which means that she's prolly not into me right? If a girl always gets mad at you for everything u do doesn't that usually mean that they are getting bored of u and annoyed of u? Out of her relationships I am the only person who she gave a second chance to. We'll it didn't turn out too well or did it last long. Im just clueless of her actions. Does she expect me to stay around and wait for her to come back or something?
M2155 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Im just clueless of her actions. Does she expect me to stay around and wait for her to come back or something? NO. That's still "doormat mentality" to worry about what she expects instead of thinking about what you want for your future. It would be great if we could step into the ex's mind and understand their thought process but we can't. If she sounds like a "runner" then just use that excuse, that she is damaged in order to help you realize it couldn't work and start to let go.
leoc1973 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Yes she absolutely expects you to be there if she wants to come back. She will do it over and over to you forever. My brother had a girlfriend like that she must have broke his hear at least 10 times finally he met his dream girl when his ex was on one of her "breaks" she came back and went out of her mind she told him she would never leave him again they were soulmates bla bla bla when she seen that he wasn't coming back she slandered the new girl and triend to make her look like a whore. I think she even threatened to kill herself. Funny how he switched that around on her. When I first came on this site I made all the escuses for my ex and I even said that I did everyting for her. I guess I expected that because I did she owed me or something. Wilson and some other guy set me straight. Now I realize that if a girl loves you the way that you want to be loved then there are no other guys and life without you is not an option. Now that the origional sting is gone I can look at myself from 5 months ago and say tisk tisk what were you thinking. I am slowly taking my life back. Realize this... No one owes you anything. If you did all these things out of love then it should make you happy just knowing that you did it for the right reasons and not to hold something over on someone. You don't want someone to stay with you out of obligation or just cause you are a good guy. You want them to look at you and feel like they are the luckiest person in the world for having found you! Good luck and keep us posted. I am betting that your ex will be back again and again and again. lol
mike588 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Good point and yes all the things I did for her was from the love I felt for her and did'nt expect her to stay out of obligation. I made it very clear to her that the things I did for her was not because I felt I HAD to,,, it's because I wanted to. My now ex. told me many times that she was the luckiest person in the world for having me in her life. Then she dumped me for her ex.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 THANK YOU for setting me straight. Yes that is still doormat mentality that's because I still love her. I spoke to her sister today not too long ago and she's like what's going on you guys were doing good and I thought u guys were going along pretty well. My thought exactly I told her. She even told me she told me a month ago that it seemed like u guys were meant to be. We'll I guess from what u guys say she's a runner and its time for me to go. It's kinda hard cause during this time she seemed to b pretty good to me. Who knows what she did right? I know that the stuff I did for her was because I love her and we'll I guess I shouldn't expect anything back. I still look at our last convo through text and what not it's pretty sad I know I know I should delete her off my phone but her number will always be embedded into my mind. To be honest I think she's a good girl she just needs to fix a few things and she needs to know what she wants. Yes it's not fair for me hence why I need to go and forget about her, or else this is just going to be an ongoing process, especially because u guys have been through this before. Love hurts right? Learn from your mistake. Grow some balls and move on. She's not the only girl right? We'll that's what I've been telling myself.
coltsfan1 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Love hurts right? Learn from your mistake. Grow some balls and move on. She's not the only girl right? We'll that's what I've been telling myself. RIGHT!!!!! Now make it happen captain.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 RIGHT!!!!! Now make it happen captain. Sorry guys I failed. She texted me just now and I replied now we are talking "sigh" wtf is wrong with me how can I just let it go? How do I just say goodbye? FML when we talk it's like nothing happen this is starting to piss me off. Sigh
EgoJoe Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Word for word I want you to say this, "Alot has happened. I require time to heal and move on. I am not interested in being friends and restarting communication as if nothing has happened." Don't explain and don't bother following up after that.
Recommended Posts