fortyninethousand322 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 When you have sex with someone, they are not just your friend anymore. Men feel that way sometimes too, not only women, no mystery there. If a woman doesn't want to have sex it's because she doesn't fancy you. You are missing out on not having female friends because they would teach you how to relate to women better and that in turn would help you in dating. It's bizarre to me how men don't grasp this. I relate to men fairly well because I have a lot of male friends and they have educated me over the years As a guy who doesn't really have too many female friends (two, both of whom I rarely see) and who doesn't really want any more female friends, I think I can adequately address this. It's not a matter of not grasping the concept (a balance between healthy male-female friendships and dating prospects is always good) but rather a failure to see past the immediate. When you get to a certain age the desire to finally "get the monkey off your back" and finally have a girlfriend is overwhelming. You get frustrated with anything short of what you're looking for. Making a female friend is viewed as a waste of time, a sidetrack from your ultimate goal. It's like hitting a single when you need a three run home run.
Feelsgoodman Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I can tell you right now that Ralph died a little bit on the inside when you said that, even if he didn't make it obvious. Ralph sounds like the kind of guy women use an an emotional tampon but wouldn't f*ck because he's not that good looking. That's really what people mean when they say that 'there is no chemistry".
Feelsgoodman Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 As for why women keep thinking that sex would destroy a great friendship, I will never know. But it is a common belief that they keep telling themselves and hope that the male friend will agree with them. You problem is that you try to interpret everything that women say literally. That's why you are so confused. You need to understand that women express their thoughts indirectly. When she says that she doesn't want to ruin a great friendship with sex, she means that she doesn't find you attractive. If she says there is no chemistry, she mean that she doesn't find you attractive. If she says that you are like a brother to her...you get the idea.
somedude81 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Maybe you need to look into what your definition of friendship is. A person not letting me into his or her inner circle/private life is only an aquaintance, not a friend. I meet my friends' friends regardless of gender. It sounds like those women hang out with you but don't consider you a friend. Possibly. That really goes on start talking about the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. So yeah it's possible that those girls never considered me a friend. Even the girl that I was with last Friday and spent eight hours at her house with her family. Maybe because they know you aren't really that interested in them as persons No. Just because I want to date a person, doesn't mean that I'm not interested in her as a person. You problem is that you try to interpret everything that women say literally. That's why you are so confused. You need to understand that women express their thoughts indirectly. When she says that she doesn't want to ruin a great friendship with sex, she means that she doesn't find you attractive. If she says there is no chemistry, she mean that she doesn't find you attractive. If she says that you are like a brother to her...you get the idea. Yeah, I still need to learn womanese. This whole thing with dealing with women is so complicated. One has to know how to understand what they are saying and how to act in a way that they would react positively to. It's amazing that the human race hasn't gone extinct.
Wolf18 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 It's not that we don't want woman friends because we hate women, we don't want woman friends, atleast not with women we like, because it is frankly insulting. If you like to spend all this 1 on 1 time and do everything with a guy except **** him, then you as a woman are a low-life. Every one of my experiences as a womans friend has been one of not being taken seriously, then used as leverage to get the attention of guys they actually liked and respected. "Oh you won't take me to X and Y? Well, my good friend Wolf18 would gladly take me " and of course if you are a dumb man you will assume that she is starting to like you more than the other guy (but it's never the case). Women here are saying how sex changes everything, perhaps, so then if that is so special why do you give it to anyone who looks good on the surface but you have nothing in common with? If I'm not allowed that kind of special favor sex causes women to have for you, then I feel like I'm missing out and it's pretty difficult to look at them as decent when they "Friend zone".
Feelsgoodman Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Yeah, I still need to learn womanese. This whole thing with dealing with women is so complicated. One has to know how to understand what they are saying and how to act in a way that they would react positively to. It's amazing that the human race hasn't gone extinct. No, you don't need to learn 'womanese'. Even if that was possible, it would be a waste of time. What women say and what they do are two different things, which makes the former completely irrelevant. Let me explain to you something about female use of verbal communication. Women use words to rationalize their actions and/or to create an image (just like a business creates an image for its product though marketing), not to communicate their feelings (for that, they prefer indirect approaches, such as dropping hints). In fact, marketing is a very good analogy for female verbal communication. When you watch a McDonald's commercial and they tell you that they love to see you smile, you know damn well that they are full of sh*t and that the only thing they love to see is your money...but it's good marketing nonetheless and creates a positive image because they are associating their brand with something positive (smiling). Same thing with a woman using words to create a wholesome positive image for herself ('I'm looking for a nice guy who will treat me right'). Dealing with women is not complicated at all, if you follow three basic rules: 1) Do not pay any attention to the words coming out of her mouth; 2) Observe her present and past behaviour and judge her on her actions; 3) Make it clear from the start that you are interested in her romantically and assert yourself physically early on (you should go for the kiss by the third date at the very latest). If she's not receptive to #3, she is 100% not interested. If that's the case, you say nice knowing you and move on. Do not over-analyze what went wrong, do not continue seeing her hoping she will come around, do not try to be 'friends' with her. Simply delete her phone number and start pursuing somebody else.
Trovador Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Sue me you all, but the guy of the story is homosexual... maybe he wants the girls to introduce him to their brothers and other male friends... no, no other friends because they would also be gay... Nothing wrong with being gay, though... But seriously, it must be a cultural or geographical thing, but having best female friends sounds so gayish, don't take me wrong, I respect and appreciate women, but how in hell am I going to have a female friends when I have a gf, or I am courting a girl (or girls, he he)? How my current gf would take that I spend a lot of time with my ff, that I spend money on her, that I hang out with her... I wouldn't like my gf or wife having a best male friend... Now, female acquaintances are another thing altogether... I don't see myself having tons of female friends and not being interested in one of them, or courting one of them or having a hot prospect somewhere else! I am too hot blooded for that! Now, take me to the pyre...
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 There area also a lot of women who will say they'll be friends with a guy....but however, never really invite them anywhere in their group of friends or invite them into their lives. I don't know many women that actually have felt comfortable inviting some of the male friends they know along with them to go out for a night of dancing or will do them the favor of networking them with their other single female friends. I have. Many times.
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