Some men are fine with the FZ

[irc333]

I was wondering, maybe there are some men here, but how many men do you know that are actually completely OKAY with being friends ONLY with women?

 

I know this guy, he goes dancing with a lot of female friends, never once really considered dating them....because well, he just enjoys the moment and the event.

 

He can even pick up on the female perspective, give you the female point of view in case said man does ever decide to get romantically involved with a woman, at least he'll havea heads up.

 

They can even give you an idea on fashion, like as a man, they can coach you on how you can dress to impress a woman.

 

Some women will even take said guy shopping.

 

Any guys here who are okay with being friends, without getting frustrated at all?

 

I see him with all these women, they love him to death (as a friend) will even get a little physical with him, too....well more so affectionate, but it's done more in a motherly way.

 

Ever seen this?

 

Though he has claimed he has tobe hit with a big hammer to actually KNOW if a woman is intersted in him romantically, so his oblivousness to the whole FZ thing is quite suprising.

 

Basically, to be friends with a woman, is a great way to be accepted by OTHER Women who might consider dating you.

Edited September 27, 2011 by irc333

[Trolly]

I enjoy hanging out with women. I don't have many women friends and unfortunately my best friend ended up becoming my girlfriend and after the end of our 2 1/2 year relationship we are currently not talking.

 

I definitely miss having someone converse with over tea or go shopping with.

 

It is definitely hard to make a platonic friendship with members of the opposite sex. Too many factors involved to list (in my opinion).

 

Now that i'm single I may have to try extra hard to make some platonic GFs in the interest of what you said

[CarrieT]

Outside of my GayBoy friends, I actually have four very close, heterosexual male friends.

 

We talk about our dating woes. We critique each others dating profiles. We take each other shopping. We are there to cry on each others shoulders when our hearts break.

 

In one case - just this last weekend - my friend, Ralph, who is roughly my age and whom I have known for almost 12 years, asked me rather pointedly why we never hooked up since we have so much in common and can speak so freely about EVERYTHING with each other.

 

Chemistry, I answered. Despite our deep and abiding love for each other (which we express openly), we have no chemistry.

 

He agreed completely and even indicated that despite his physical attraction to me, he acknowledged that it would destroy our great friendship and is glad we never slept together.

 

I adore my Guy Friends and would never do anything to destroy that friendship.

[iris219]

My male friendships are very much like Carrie T's.

 

One of my best friends is a guy. We had dinner on Thurs, and went shopping and had dinner on Sun (no, he's not gay). We like each other's company, but aren't in any way compatible for dating--and we both know this. There's no sexual tension at all. We're both adults who value quality friendships, something that is hard to find as you get older.

 

I don't consider him in the friend zone. We're just friends, the same way we are with our same sex friends.

[Wolf18]

In one case - just this last weekend - my friend, Ralph, who is roughly my age and whom I have known for almost 12 years, asked me rather pointedly why we never hooked up since we have so much in common and can speak so freely about EVERYTHING with each other.

 

Chemistry, I answered. Despite our deep and abiding love for each other (which we express openly), we have no chemistry.

 

He agreed completely and even indicated that despite his physical attraction to me, he acknowledged that it would destroy our great friendship and is glad we never slept together.[/Quote]

 

I can tell you right now that Ralph died a little bit on the inside when you said that, even if he didn't make it obvious.

[irc333]

I can tell you right now that Ralph died a little bit on the inside when you said that, even if he didn't make it obvious.

 

Chemistry, the reason why marriages wind up in so many divorces. Such a backwards state we're in these days.

[irc333]

Well, his attitude is he likes to be out with a group of women, while making them feel comfortable around him, the event, without any pressure of a certain guy trying to make any kind of "move" on one of them.

[Wrigley2011]

I have more female friends, than male friends. It didn't use to be that way, but after my ex broke up with me, I decide screw it, I'm hanging out with the cool people.

 

I get a lot of the female perspective, even if I don't always want it. Last week two of my female friends told me I was high maintenance because I have an intense personality, and a very inquisitive nature and thus ponder and question stuff a lot. Needless to say, I tucked that little bit of knowledge away for future reference.

[somedude81]

In one case - just this last weekend - my friend, Ralph, who is roughly my age and whom I have known for almost 12 years, asked me rather pointedly why we never hooked up since we have so much in common and can speak so freely about EVERYTHING with each other.

 

Chemistry, I answered. Despite our deep and abiding love for each other (which we express openly), we have no chemistry.

 

He agreed completely and even indicated that despite his physical attraction to me, he acknowledged that it would destroy our great friendship and is glad we never slept together.

ROFL!!

 

I bet Ralph's been wanting to sleep with you for the past 12 years.

 

For a man there is no "despite his physical attraction." He felt his chemistry for you and you didn't feel the same way. Of course he is going to agree with you that you have no chemistry.

 

Can you imagine him saying the opposite and admitting that he wishes he could have slept with you? Awkward.

 

But seriously, get a little drunk with him make a move and then come back here and tell us that he turned you down. Go ahead. You know he has no interest in you.

 

As for why women keep thinking that sex would destroy a great friendship, I will never know. But it is a common belief that they keep telling themselves and hope that the male friend will agree with them.

 

Personally, for as long as I am single, I will not be fine with a purely platonic friendship with a woman. As long as I am remotely attracted to her, I will want to sleep with her and it's not long that feelings will start to develop.

[carhill]

The healthy female friends I have are a daily reminder of what to expect and insist upon in any potential intimate partner. I value them greatly. I've made them swear to slap me upside the head if I go off on any more cock-eyed romantic boondoggles. Their 'friend-zone' is a place I'm happy to occupy.

 

There's no way I'd expect a younger man to feel that way. Time, age, and marriage changed my perspective. YMMV...

[Trolly]

There's no way I'd expect a younger man to feel that way. Time, age, and marriage changed my perspective. YMMV...

 

I always tell people younger than me how dense in lessons every year of my 20's was (just turned 30 in May). Every year made me feel like a new person. A hard reality for someone like myself who thought that they knew everything at 20. I can only imagine what my 30's, 40's, 50's etc will feel like although I should hope there comes a times where one can sit back and just enjoy the wisdom.

[oaks]

Personally, for as long as I am single, I will not be fine with a purely platonic friendship with a woman.

 

Then I pity you. You're missing out.

[Emilia]

 

But seriously, get a little drunk with him make a move and then come back here and tell us that he turned you down. Go ahead. You know he has no interest in you.

 

As for why women keep thinking that sex would destroy a great friendship, I will never know. But it is a common belief that they keep telling themselves and hope that the male friend will agree with them.

 

Personally, for as long as I am single, I will not be fine with a purely platonic friendship with a woman. As long as I am remotely attracted to her, I will want to sleep with her and it's not long that feelings will start to develop.

 

When you have sex with someone, they are not just your friend anymore. Men feel that way sometimes too, not only women, no mystery there. If a woman doesn't want to have sex it's because she doesn't fancy you.

 

You are missing out on not having female friends because they would teach you how to relate to women better and that in turn would help you in dating. It's bizarre to me how men don't grasp this. I relate to men fairly well because I have a lot of male friends and they have educated me over the years

[ChessPieceFace]

I'm not sure any straight man could be happily in the friend zone with ALL women. Most would be happy to be in the friend zone with any woman they weren't attracted to. If they were allowing themselves to be in the friend zone with ALL women though, that would indicate they've given up. In such a case, they would probably be very bitter (I'm getting there) and rightfully so.

 

If a man was happily in the friend zone with all women, and had no apparent aspirations to change that in the future, I would assume he must be gay.

[betterdeal]

ROFL!!

 

I bet Ralph's been wanting to sleep with you for the past 12 years.

 

For a man there is no "despite his physical attraction." He felt his chemistry for you and you didn't feel the same way. Of course he is going to agree with you that you have no chemistry.

 

... blah blah blah ...

 

Personally, for as long as I am single, I will not be fine with a purely platonic friendship with a woman. As long as I am remotely attracted to her, I will want to sleep with her and it's not long that feelings will start to develop.

 

This has to the most obnoxious post you'be made in some time, pal. You don't attract women because your attitude stinks as exemplified here. What do you call the women on these fora who you talk to?

Edited September 27, 2011 by betterdeal

[irc333]

I'm not sure any straight man could be happily in the friend zone with ALL women. Most would be happy to be in the friend zone with any woman they weren't attracted to. If they were allowing themselves to be in the friend zone with ALL women though, that would indicate they've given up. In such a case, they would probably be very bitter (I'm getting there) and rightfully so.

 

If a man was happily in the friend zone with all women, and had no apparent aspirations to change that in the future, I would assume he must be gay.

 

 

Surprisingly, he's got a TON of female friends, I am almost scratching my head at this as to why he's not dating any of them though, he did mention he has finally taking a liking to one of them. We'll see how that goes.

 

I had seen a lot of facebook pics with him out with women on the dance floor and hes' like "Yeah, women like it when you go out dancing with them, and you're not groping on any of them"

 

Apparently, that's another reason they like him (as a friend)

 

Though, he's not one to complain much about being put into the FZ, which I find odd.

 

He thinks I ask women out too soon, while he prefers to get to know a woman BEFORE asking them out.

 

He even gave me advice on "instead of asking them out on a date, just ask them to join you in a fun activity together"

 

A "fun activity"?

 

Apparently, women get sacred off easily if anything is too remotely close to a date or moving too fast.

I said, "Well, you're not going to get anywhere with women by moving at a snails pace"

 

Apparently, he gets invited to events by a lot of women, only because they feel comfortable around him in such a manner.

 

They're straight men of course, and admit to being flesh and blood, but don't feel the same pressure to ask a woman out that most traditional men do.

[irc333]

There area also a lot of women who will say they'll be friends with a guy....but however, never really invite them anywhere in their group of friends or invite them into their lives.

 

I don't know many women that actually have felt comfortable inviting some of the male friends they know along with them to go out for a night of dancing or will do them the favor of networking them with their other single female friends.

[oldguy]

I have female friends, most of whom I've been friends with before I met my wife & most of them I have never had a romantic interest in. 'Most' because one of my best female friends & I dated off & on many, many years ago & have remained close since.

 

Like your friend though, I needed to be hit with a big hammer to actually KNOW if a woman is intersted in me romantically.

 

I say, 'needed' because I'm married & a big hammer would be coming my way

[EasyHeart]

I have lots of female friends. In my case, they are usually (1) women I dated briefly, but things didn't work out; (2) women who are off-limits, eg married or co-workers; and (3) women I'm not attracted to.

 

I find most women are much easier to talk with and more fun to be around than men. They also have a tendency to want set me up with their friends, which is nice.

 

I think that any guy who thinks he can pretend to be a woman's friend as a way to get in her pants is fooling himself. the same goes for trying to be her friend in order to stay close to her. Those are losing strategies, but I think they're pretty common.

 

It goes both ways, too. Women who thinks sleeping with a guy ("FWB") will make him want to date her are nuts. And women who say "let's be friends" instead of "I don't want to date you because you are ugly" should be shot.

[betterdeal]

Do you have an alibi, that's the question.

[oldguy]

I find most women are much easier to talk with and more fun to be around than men. They also have a tendency to want set me up with their friends, which is nice.

I agree. Also, I didn't realize that blind dates weren't that common until someone asked me IF I had ever been on one before & I thought; "most of them", oh I am such a looser

[grkBoy]

I actually have many female friends. A handful were women I first thought were attractive and wanted to gauge dating them, others were women I just thought were cool and I had a social connection with.

 

How can I be friends with them? The reality is while I think many of them are attractive, I don't want to date them. A lot of them are bad boy chasers or women I can see on a personality level I have little in common with. When I try to think of a RL with any of them, I only see disappointment or misery. It could be the woman who is spoiled in some ways or has a personality that's too strange/extreme for me, or she simply is attracted to men who will always hurt her.

 

Too many men and women let lust guide them too much. They will see someone and then imagine them as the ideal mate. Thus they won't see the actual honest things that show why they would not work as a RL.

 

I think if you really have a hard crush on someone and can't accept anything other than a RL, then reject the FZ...but if you think the person is cool and aren't hurt by the idea that you can't have them as "more", then it can still make for a good friendship if the other person wants it.

 

I only tell men and women NEVER to become friends with someone on the hope that it will lead to more. I don't buy into it when people say "friends first" because I still see most people shop for mates outside of their friendships and never consider dating their friends.

[somedude81]

Then I pity you. You're missing out.

Being as how I've had plenty of platonic female friends I'd say no. Heck I've been stuck in a platonic only thing with a girl for a while now.

When you have sex with someone, they are not just your friend anymore. Men feel that way sometimes too, not only women, no mystery there. If a woman doesn't want to have sex it's because she doesn't fancy you.

No mystery?

 

Anyways, I know the friendship wouldn't stay the same. Not fancying is just another way to say not attracted, no chemistry etc.

You are missing out on not having female friends because they would teach you how to relate to women better and that in turn would help you in dating. It's bizarre to me how men don't grasp this. I relate to men fairly well because I have a lot of male friends and they have educated me over the years

Nope.

 

Hasn't happened to me at all. Or maybe it has, but just hasn't benefited me.

 

I just know I haven't gained that much from friendships with females.

This has to the most obnoxious post you'be made in some time, pal. You don't attract women because your attitude stinks as exemplified here. What do you call the women on these fora who you talk to?

You're going to have to go into more detail if you are trying to base why I don't attract women on the post I made.

 

And of course the women on the forum are not my friends. There is only one woman on this forum who comes close to that.

There area also a lot of women who will say they'll be friends with a guy....but however, never really invite them anywhere in their group of friends or invite them into their lives.

 

I don't know many women that actually have felt comfortable inviting some of the male friends they know along with them to go out for a night of dancing or will do them the favor of networking them with their other single female friends.

Bingo.

 

I've never had a female friend invite me along to do something with her friends.

 

How can a girl call herself my friend, spend lots of time with me one-on-one, feel close enough to me that hooking up would ruin our friendship and yet I never once met a single friend of hers. Huh?

They also have a tendency to want set me up with their friends, which is nice.

Did they just do it themselves or did you ask?

 

It's never happened to me and the only girl I did ask told me to stay away from her friends...

[Emilia]

I've never had a female friend invite me along to do something with her friends.

 

How can a girl call herself my friend, spend lots of time with me one-on-one, feel close enough to me that hooking up would ruin our friendship and yet I never once met a single friend of hers. Huh?

 

Did they just do it themselves or did you ask?

 

It's never happened to me and the only girl I did ask told me to stay away from her friends...

 

Maybe you need to look into what your definition of friendship is. A person not letting me into his or her inner circle/private life is only an aquaintance, not a friend. I meet my friends' friends regardless of gender. It sounds like those women hang out with you but don't consider you a friend. Maybe because they know you aren't really that interested in them as persons

[Feelsgoodman]

I was wondering, maybe there are some men here, but how many men do you know that are actually completely OKAY with being friends ONLY with women?

 

I know this guy, he goes dancing with a lot of female friends, never once really considered dating them....because well, he just enjoys the moment and the event.

 

He can even pick up on the female perspective, give you the female point of view in case said man does ever decide to get romantically involved with a woman, at least he'll havea heads up.

 

They can even give you an idea on fashion, like as a man, they can coach you on how you can dress to impress a woman.

 

Some women will even take said guy shopping.

 

Any guys here who are okay with being friends, without getting frustrated at all?

The bolded part is key. The guy is not interested in these women romantically, so there is no frustration. In fact, it sounds like the guy may be a closet homosexual or simply asexual.