Meltdown in front of Ex and Kids

[Gold Dust Woman]

Yesterday, I had a meltdown in front of my ex-husband and our two children (ages 10 and 6). I have tried very hard to maintain a working relationship with my ex. He has started to see the kids every other week over the past four weeks because I want a schedule in place. Before this arrangement, he may have gone a month without seeing them. They want to see him, however, he comes up with excuses as to why he can't see them. He does not pay any child support for them.

 

I have had issues with my daughter NOT doing homework for a year now. I have discussed this problem with EX and have asked him to back up me on the homework issue.

 

Two weekends ago, they spent a three day weekend with their dad as I went out of town. I asked that homework be done before they are returned to me on Sunday. Turns out, the homework was done in the car on the drive home. It bothered me but I let it go. On Monday, notes were sent home from their teachers that homework was either not turned in or turned in incomplete on the day they stayed with their dad. I mentioned that to him.

 

Yesterday, I called EX at 4:00 PM to find out when he was bringing them to me. He stated in an hour. I asked if homework had been done. He said 'no'. I told him not to bring them to me until homework was done.

 

Three hours later, I drove to EX's house. He and the children were getting into his car. Written homework had been done but not reading homework. I became very angry and yelled at him (yes, in front of the kids) and told him that I could not keep doing this any longer; that I had asked and asked for his financial help and have not received any help; and, that the least he could do, was get the homework done.

 

I told him that the kids could stay with him for a week (they haven't stayed with him for a week in three years) and that I would get them on Sunday. I drove away.

 

This morning, my daughter calls me about what to wear to school. She calls me 15 minutes later about what to bring to school for lunch. One of my son's classmates' mom calls me this afternoon to talk about school tomorrow. I called EX and asked him what the kids were going to wear to school tomorrow. He has no clothes for them so I brought clothes to his house for tomorrow.

 

While I was at EX's house, a note was sent home that my son fell asleep in class today and missed an entire lesson plan. My son did not attend spanish class and, instead, stayed in homeroom and slept. I asked my EX about it and he said that my son stayed up late. I asked him why. EX said that my son was used to stay up late over the weekend.

 

I asked my EX today what needed to be done to fix this problem between us. All I want is for the homework to be done during the 48 hours that he has the kids two times a month and I want them to be in bed at a decent hour.

 

I am at my wit's end. I'd appreciate any comments/suggestions on how to deal with this situation. I've decided to leave them with EX this week and see how they do in school. Obviously, up to this point, they are not doing well.