Anna84 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 (edited) Two and a half weeks ago, me and my ex broke up. We'd been arguing for two months, of which he'd broken up with me once already but instantly regretted his decision and paid for my ticket to come and spend the holidays with him. This holiday shouldn't have happened as we were both too jittery and insecure about each other, as we'd just broken up. Another problem was that it all took place in his comfort zone, I won't elaborate on that.. The evening on which I was supposed to go home again, we had our last arguement in which I said I had enough, he tried to persuade me two hours after that but I stubbornly stuck with my decision right up untill the train left. I thought we'd be fine if we'd just give it a day. That, however, wasn't true. I called him, and he told me that he hadn't slept again all night and had been thinking about what I'd said, and that he had to admit that I was right; we weren't suitable for each other. The last two weeks I've felt completely and utterly miserable, I sent him a letter and an email, some text messages and I called him once, saying that this was not the right thing to do, and that I believed I could change and that I saw everything I'd done wrong. He listened patiently, sent me a letter back, but sticking firmly to his decision that he had lost hope for us as we were too different. Here comes the fighting for a last chance part.. I need to know that I've done everything in my power to convince him that I am willing to change, and to show him how important he is to me... Next week, a friend of ours is throwing a party in another country, where I will be going. He might be coming aswell, but it's more likely he won't: He doesn't want to meet me as it's too soon, and he wouldn't know how to act in my presence and is afraid something would happen between us, so he told me. After feeling sorry for myself a bit and trying to come to terms with his decision, I've decided to give it my all, one more time. If he doesn't show up at the party, I'm going to buy myself a plane ticket (same price at the ticket he bought me 2 months before), and surprise him by standing in front of his door and asking him out for dinner. I know he's sensitive to the way I look, so I think I might have a chance. There is an enormously big chance I will be disappointed and rejected, but I need to have given it my all. He is the one I love. Next step however, is to find out if he shows up at the party.... Edited September 26, 2011 by Anna84
HappyFlower Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 He doesn't want to meet me as it's too soon, and he wouldn't know how to act in my presence and is afraid something would happen between us, so he told me. After feeling sorry for myself a bit and trying to come to terms with his decision, I've decided to give it my all, one more time. I get from this that you are not listening to him, and are going to see him for you, not for him. You said he won't know how to act around you, and you're using that to throw him off in the hopes that he'll freak and reconsider his decision. I know how much you want to see him. But please don't get a ticket without really really considering what your reaction will be if he rejects you flat out - imagine being at his door, full of emotion and love and excitement and wanting nothing else in the world that to cuddle him, and he just says he doesn't want to see you. I'm sorry but you need to be prepared for that. Take some time out, don't contact him again before the party. Not only will this stop you looking desperate, but use that time to see *exactly* where you went wrong, how you intend to fix it now, and how you intend to keep from doing it in the future. 2 weeks is not long enough to even begin to impliment the changes to yourself that will stop you doing these things again. Its all very well telling him you see it, but thats not enough. Let both of your emotions settle before you do anything so rash...he has said it's too soon. If you go and see him anyway you risk ruining any chance of getting him back. Wait a little while, work on yourself. And then think about it again. Best of luck.
Els Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Eh, I don't know. I actually agree with her going there one last time, whatever the outcome. Firstly, if there were a chance of getting back together, 2 weeks is plenty enough to allow emotions to settle - not enough to change herself drastically perhaps, but it is entirely enough to have a change of mindset, and there is no reason she cannot continually work on herself in a relationship. More than that would also increase his chances of moving on. The second, and most important reason IMO, is for her to give herself closure. If it fails, she knows she's tried her best and there will be no more 'what if's. She can move on, instead of lingering for goodness knows how long.
Author Anna84 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Thanks for both replies, both were helpful and I've thought about all of those options a lot and still can't directly come to the right conclusion. However, at this point I tend to stick more with still going, and knowing that I've given it my all, but that all depends on whether he comes to the party or not (chances are small)! I know I need to work on getting ready to face rejection, and I guess it's always going to be difficult. I'm not sure, but I think one more blow is worth it and (hopefully) won't kill me.
Author Anna84 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 I know he's not going to show up for the party, my friend spoke to him and he said he wouldn't be coming. I haven't heard anything since 2 weeks ago and I've decided I'm not going to persue him, I see now that it was only a desperate step and that I would be disrespecting myself for trying to get him back, and especially in such a way requiring so much money, time and possibly pain. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to and the only conclusion I can make is that he doesn't love me enough, and I'm not going to degrade myself for one sided love. Besides, I've climbed out of this hole of self-fault and punishment, I know that I wasn't the only one to blame. At this point I don't even think I ever want to be friends with him again.. Sorry for the pointless post, but venting seems to be necessary! Hoping I'll feel better soon.
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