Emilia Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 And BTW, as I posted above, IN MY OPINION, I feel one SHOULD jump into bed ASAP (within reason, but certainly not as long as you say) in order to determine whether or not there even IS sexual compatibility. Why wait only to find this person who you've supposedly formed a deep connection with is just lousy in bed?? --or maybe that's a compromise you'd be willing to make --I personally, however, would not. I agree with this 100%. I met an amazing person but we didn't start dating straight away. I thought he was a really cool, good, decent person, good looking as well and was looking forward to going to bed with him... Until I realised the two of us had zero chemistry in bed. Nada. It just doesn't work and we have tried a few times. I was gutted. Wish I had known sooner. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 You're a commitment phobe, or maybe you're gay. Have you considered you might be gay? That comment was kind of gay. Have you considered that you might be gay?
gemstem Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Amadeus, She is extremely beautitul, amazing body and constantly getting hit on- but not by you - I too am wondering... maybe you are gay/or have gay tendencies... have you thought about that? [quote=I'm just going through all the motions with her --but it's excruciatingly difficult trying to pretend There are definitely some significant challenges in being with her, which only intensify how I feel (or, in this case, DON'T feel), but I would imagine they wouldn't be that big a deal if I was still totally in to her. Or is it that maybe these challenges subconsciously taken their toll on me?? Quite the contrary actually --extremely beautiful, amazing body --especially for being a single mother of 2 (one of the challenges for me) --she takes VERY good care of herself. She's constantly getting hit on. =QUOTE] Have you told her how you feel? Have you told her about the feelings you 'don't' have for her? Or do you intend to keep her dangling, until you 'hopefully' find the right woman, next month, next year, maybe never. Your ideal woman probably does not even exist because you have built up such a perfect picture of what/how she should be be, in your mind. You should be honest with your friend, and tell her, set her free, then she can meet a worthy guy who will really appreciate and love her for who she is. I think the problem lies within you, and you need to look more closely into this.
kristinpea1979 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Wow - see my latest post!!! Replace "she" and "her" with "he" and "him" and it's as if I wrote it myself!! I have been going through the same thing with my boyfriend of 2 months, and have gone through something similar with EVERY relationship from my past as well. Such a frustrating place to be!!!
kristinpea1979 Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 In addition to my post above, I believe you have totally hit the nail on the head!!!!! OMG, that's totally me!! --you just preached to the choir and I think that's the problem --in fact, I STARTED this thread saying there was something seriously wrong with me. Believe me, addressing it myself is the last thing you wanna tell someone who lives "in their head" --and I've done SO much work on myself for years. Recently though I've started --of all things-- meditating. I feel the only real way to get out of one's head is to just try and allow the thoughts that come into it to just "be". WAY easier said than done --but at this point, it's all I have. And I think that's why I've taken so much time to question this, this time --whereas years ago, I would've just said I want something else because this doesn't work for me, and would've subsequently just walked (actually worse than that, but I won't get into it now). THIS time, though, I'm questioning it like crazy --why HAS this been a pattern with me?? --and why do I suddenly have no feelings for this very loving woman, a woman's love being something I've sincerely been deprived of for years? Thank you for your great input!! Have you done any research on relationship OCD (or relationship substantiation)? I too feel as though there is something psychologically wrong with me, rather than it being a case of simply not being compatible with these people. It really is crazy how much our situations sound the same. It's frustrating for sure, but so nice to know you're not alone in your feelings!!!!
Author amadeus Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I FOUND THE PROBLEM!!! (yeah, I know, nearly a year later) But first I wanna "thank" all those who instantly chalked this all up to being gay --I'd really hate to come on a forum like this telling people something like I had a headache --those same people would probably instantly conclude it was definitely a brain tumor! With that said, I now realize what it is/was I dealt with last year --and what I'd dealt my whole life-- is what's called Madonna/whore complex. Although it's been talked about a lot all over this forum, I only just found out about its existence It's yet another thing I have my mom to "thank" for --as far as I'm concerned, she gave me life, then pretty much destroyed it --yeah, I know that may seem harsh, but this isn't something I imagine can be "cured" overnight --or, for that matter, while I'm still young enough to even have a relationship. It's good to know though that I'm not alone and hopefully this knowledge will help the others on here who are experiencing similar "symptoms" as me. So please excuse me while I begin like 90 years of therapy for this --maybe the next life I can have a healthy relationship. Thanks again to everyone (except the homophobes) for your input on this last year 1
mickleb Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 How refreshing to see someone really put in the time to figure out what might be the problem. Good luck with your therapy. I think there's definitely hope for you in this life! D-Lish is not a homophobe though! It was a reasonable suggestion. Some people really fight to deny those feelings. I'm glad you've struck your 'Eureka!' moment. Despite the hard work that you will now need to commit to, it's downhill from here. 1
Emilia Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I FOUND THE PROBLEM!!! (yeah, I know, nearly a year later) [...] With that said, I now realize what it is/was I dealt with last year --and what I'd dealt my whole life-- is what's called Madonna/whore complex. Very interesting. Have just browsed through the thread to remind myself. Have to say it doesn't jump out from your posts. I'd have expected several Tiger Woods moments here for that. Good luck though, I'm pretty sure you will be able to deal with it well. The first step is the hardest 1
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