Cee Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I vacillated on this decision, but I made up my mind. I'm moving in with my boyfriend next month. The decision feels right for so many reasons. I made the decision while we were lying in bed. I blurted out that I wanted to move in. And then he said, "I want you to move in." And I looked into his eyes and I could see that he meant it. He's not yessing me. He wants it too. I don't plan on changing my mind. I booked a mover and gave notice to the landlord. I don't have any doubts or questions at the moment, except for some superficial ones. Like what things I should give away and which I should keep. For example, should I keep my coffeepot. Mine is 12 cups and his is only 6 and I love my coffee.
Pasttense Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 How long have you been in a relationship with him? I think it was a mistake to give notice to your landlord; wait a while. And when you leave your apartment put your stuff in storage instead of giving it away.
OliveOyl Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Yay, Cee! I'm glad you feel "right" about the decision ! Oh and keep your coffeepot... need the extra cups for the weekends!
Emilia Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I'm very pleased for you Cee. Good luck, life is too short!
oaks Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I don't have any doubts or questions at the moment, except for some superficial ones. Like what things I should give away and which I should keep. For example, should I keep my coffeepot. Mine is 12 cups and his is only 6 and I love my coffee. How dare you describe the essential beverage as "superficial"! Of course you should keep the larger coffee pot.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 It sounds like a happy and momentous decision for both of you. Enjoy setting up house, and all the companionship!
Kamille Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Cheers to your upcoming move! Glad to hear it all worked out!
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Congrats Cee! I have moved in with my bf 4 days ago and it's been going great. It's also sooo much easier not to have to pack your stuff and go back and forth. I brought a lot of personal things to decorate his place so that I can feel more at home We were filling in some forms the other day and he ticked that we are in "de facto relationship". It just feels nice.
Ariadne Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Congrats Cee! I have moved in with my bf 4 days ago and it's been going great. It's also sooo much easier not to have to pack your stuff and go back and forth. I brought a lot of personal things to decorate his place so that I can feel more at home We were filling in some forms the other day and he ticked that we are in "de facto relationship". It just feels nice. I keep reading this and it's so amazing! You did it!! It seemed so impossible and hopeless long time ago, and to see that you made this dream come true is just, WOW! Congratulations ES! I'm so happy for you! Best wishes to you and your partner!
Ariadne Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 (Btw, I'm as hopeless as ever, but to know that it can happen makes me glad. At least it's not all doom and gloom and dreams do come true sometimes. Is almost like I'm living this dream for you also).
Author Cee Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 I'm getting excited about the move. It's exactly one month away. I think we've got most of the logistical issues handled. Storage can be handled there as he has a basement and good closets. I feel like I have come full circle in my life. When I was his age (early 20s), I lived in his current neighborhood. And now I am returning, older and hopefully wiser. His place is more homey than mine. And the first time I laid eyes on it during the showing, I could see myself there. And now I will be. We have been talking about planting a garden in the backyard and putting a hammock up. And there is a beautiful park two blocks away. Finally, I will see green space and trees again. I feel very much at peace with this decision and cannot wait. ES - I'm glad about your move and will vicariously eat up your stories. You are ahead of me by about a month on this.
Ariadne Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I vacillated on this decision, but I made up my mind. I'm moving in with my boyfriend next month. Best wishes for you Cee! Hope it all works out fantastic!
Pierre Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I vacillated on this decision, but I made up my mind. I'm moving in with my boyfriend next month. The decision feels right for so many reasons. I made the decision while we were lying in bed. I blurted out that I wanted to move in. And then he said, "I want you to move in." And I looked into his eyes and I could see that he meant it. He's not yessing me. He wants it too. Lord! What was he supposed to say? No. He is not stupid and he likes the gravy train. Furthermore, he is losing nothing. You are the one that is given up up your place and getting rid of your things. If it does not work out he will not let the door hit you on your way out. Why are so many women so crazy about playing house when it is not the right time?
OliveOyl Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Why are so many women so crazy about playing house when it is not the right time? How does one know when the right time is?
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Lord! What was he supposed to say? No. He is not stupid and he likes the gravy train. Furthermore, he is losing nothing. You are the one that is given up up your place and getting rid of your things. If it does not work out he will not let the door hit you on your way out. Why are so many women so crazy about playing house when it is not the right time? Pierre - Much of the time, you come off like a reasonable fellow. Why posts like this one, that seem to have no purpose other than to make someone feel bad? Also, the way you doggedly insist that your personal values are universal truths (in this case, that living together is "bad" unless marriage is imminent) is not very reasonable. Living together without marriage or the promise / prospect of marriage is a chosen way of life for many of us, and chosen very consciously, without regrets. What's your problem with believing that Cee's boyfriend loves her and is happy with the relationship? She's been posting about it here since the relationship started, and she has given us no big clues otherwise. Yes, she is older than he is. There are exceptions to every norm, Pierre, maybe this pairing is one of the many examples of that.
Pierre Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Pierre - Much of the time, you come off like a reasonable fellow. Why posts like this one, that seem to have no purpose other than to make someone feel bad? Also, the way you doggedly insist that your personal values are universal truths (in this case, that living together is "bad" unless marriage is imminent) is not very reasonable. Living together without marriage or the promise / prospect of marriage is a chosen way of life for many of us, and chosen very consciously, without regrets. What's your problem with believing that Cee's boyfriend loves her and is happy with the relationship? She's been posting about it here since the relationship started, and she has given us no big clues otherwise. Yes, she is older than he is. There are exceptions to every norm, Pierre, maybe this pairing is one of the many examples of that. Oops, I did not realize she was much older. In that case i have no problems with her move. If she was a young inexperienced woman I would not advise living together.
Author Cee Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Oops, I did not realize she was much older. In that case i have no problems with her move. If she was a young inexperienced woman I would not advise living together. Yes, I'm older and I have a good amount of savings. I could move out and be back on my feet immediately. My BF and I discussed the money issue and he is adamant that it's not about the money. Although, we both had a bit of fun on Mint (online money manager) and started making our wish lists. He wants to save up for a motorcycle and I'm saving up for a trip to Europe. I'm truly sick of living alone. I've done it for 18 of the past 20 years.
Pierre Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Yes, I'm older and I have a good amount of savings. I could move out and be back on my feet immediately. My BF and I discussed the money issue and he is adamant that it's not about the money. Although, we both had a bit of fun on Mint (online money manager) and started making our wish lists. He wants to save up for a motorcycle and I'm saving up for a trip to Europe. I'm truly sick of living alone. I've done it for 18 of the past 20 years. No problems, go for it. This is different and you know what you want. Congratulations
Author Cee Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 I'm pleased that Pierre and I agree. FWIW, I had read Pierre's comments on other threads on cohabitation and incorporated them in my discussion with my boyfriend. His thoughts on commitment and cohabitation were thought provoking.
cerridwen Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I'm pleased that Pierre and I agree. FWIW, I had read Pierre's comments on other threads on cohabitation and incorporated them in my discussion with my boyfriend. His thoughts on commitment and cohabitation were thought provoking. You're so gracious. Just another reason why I'm so happy it's all working out for you. Best!
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Ariadne, thank you Of course there is hope for you and for everyone. I never really thought it would happen for me, I have resigned myself to single life. It still feels somewhat surreal. Cee, I will keep you posted. While I am really happy now - I am aware these are very early days and things can change. I lived on my own pretty much all my life, ever since I moved out of my parent's house. I never even had a flatmate. I wasn't sure how I would handle another person day in, day out. But, when you are around someone that you can be 100% yourself with - everything just feels natural. As comfortable as being alone, only much more fun I am glad to hear that you are taking a leap of faith
Pierre Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 For the record: I am not against cohabitation. Cohabitation in itself is harmless and causes no problems. Cohabitation in marriage and in non-marriage is identical. Furthermore cohabitation when the female is older and well grounded is not a big deal because generally there is a good understanding of the situation. My concerns are mostly with very young naive women that equate moving in as some sort of commitment and big step forward. In my experience most of these young ladies are hurt and disappointed. As for the young men; they lose nothing. They have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
Hot Chick Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Moving in is fine....just tolerate it for so long, though....after 6 months, it's not a lot to expect the relationship would be going to the next level (engagement and marriage.) If he doesn't make a move toward a bigger commitment within a few months, then it's time to bail because he's not as invested as you think.
Pierre Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Moving in is fine....just tolerate it for so long, though....after 6 months, it's not a lot to expect the relationship would be going to the next level (engagement and marriage.) If he doesn't make a move toward a bigger commitment within a few months, then it's time to bail because he's not as invested as you think. If a guy offers a woman to move in without discussing marriage as a goal then he is not that committed to her and the relationship will like end. Sometimes moving in makes the relationship end sooner. And then there is the heartache and disappointment and she has to still live with the guy while she gets a new apartment. Note how it is almost always the woman giving up her place to move in with the guy and not the other way around.
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