Daaanz Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Basically my boyfriend left for uni yesterday, I know this LDR is nothing compared to some of yours, but its worrying me nevertheless. We've been together for two years now and hes just over 200 miles away. He's been SO lovely to me the past few weeks reassuring me and telling me everything is going to be okay and just trying to wipe any doubts I have had but I just can't get over the fact that when he comes to it, he may want to cheat on me, he may find someone better than me or more convinient, we'll be seeing each other about once every 3 weeks and the first time he's coming back is next weekend which I know isn't very far away but it couldn't come round sooner! I'm just finding it so so hard to put my trust into him, I thought I did trust him, I don't understand, can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with my worries I can't carry on like this and I don't want to push him away with it!!!
wildgeese Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Trust is absolutely necessary for a successful LDR. Is there a particular reason you don't trust him, like maybe a past negative experience either with him or someone else? Negative thoughts like that are easy to come by, but they are completely pointless. The way I see it, our significant others (or ourselves) could just as easily cheat when we are physically close - long distance really doesn't change that factor. But we don't because we love the other person, we trust them, and we have a special bond. I had a fleeting moment of weakness when my boyfriend first moved to a bigger city (Austin, TX) - I kept thinking about how he'd be meeting all of these cool hip people (girls) while I was being boring back home. He just kind of laughed, called me a dummy (in a sweet way) and said, "Sure, I'll be meeting a lot of cool people, and yeah some of them are going to be girls. But they don't know me like you know me. That's all that really matters to me - you know me." My fears immediately melted away and I realized how silly I had been worrying over that. If your boyfriend is reassuring you, be reassured. Put your trust into him. 3 weeks is practically no time at all.
Author Daaanz Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Trust is absolutely necessary for a successful LDR. Is there a particular reason you don't trust him, like maybe a past negative experience either with him or someone else? Negative thoughts like that are easy to come by, but they are completely pointless. The way I see it, our significant others (or ourselves) could just as easily cheat when we are physically close - long distance really doesn't change that factor. But we don't because we love the other person, we trust them, and we have a special bond. I had a fleeting moment of weakness when my boyfriend first moved to a bigger city (Austin, TX) - I kept thinking about how he'd be meeting all of these cool hip people (girls) while I was being boring back home. He just kind of laughed, called me a dummy (in a sweet way) and said, "Sure, I'll be meeting a lot of cool people, and yeah some of them are going to be girls. But they don't know me like you know me. That's all that really matters to me - you know me." My fears immediately melted away and I realized how silly I had been worrying over that. If your boyfriend is reassuring you, be reassured. Put your trust into him. 3 weeks is practically no time at all. We did have a past negative experience around a year and a half ago, but I thought I was over that, he realised his mistake then and since then he's been pretty much absoloutely perfect when he was here with me I never had an issue with him maybe finding someone else or cheating on me, its just the fact it seems so far away, hes gonna be meeting new girls, probably some a lot prettier than me, and it'd be so much more convinient for him to have a relationship there I can't stress enough how much he's reassured me and made promises and all these different things.Your advice is very true, but I can't help but feel when under the influence of alcohol and if all his friends are getting with other girls he may feel obliged to, however usually when hes been out drinking, either around me he begins to tell me how much he loves me or I usually wake up to sweet texts about how much he cares. I just want to stop worrying, I'm giving him space to settle in and make new friends, I'm not hounding him at all either, I just don't know how to get rid of the worries, maybe it'll take time just to get used to this whole long distance thing? I don't know but right now I feel a mess and I don't want to lose him. I hate not being able to control something that is so so important to me.
creighton0123 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I won't beat around the bush. It will be very easy for him to meet someone and develop feelings for that person when you are 200 miles away for what is possibly the next few years. In fact, it is very possible, especially if you are bogged down by trust issues.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 honey, he can cheat on you and meet pretty girls if he wants to, and you don't have a control over that. instead of obsessing on these thoughts, focus on the good things that you can look forward to, focus on your studies and life.
ShaneSchommer Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I know exactly how you feel, my girlfriend recently went to a uni and im home working until i can go to community college next semester. trust is the absolute hardest thing in this situation and like you said i also trust my SO with my life and never had these problems until she left. you didn't say if you were in school or not.. i would suggest going out with new friends and study a lot to keep your mind off things. I know its hard but its not good to worry all the time, its not healthy and it will literally eat you alive.
Crazy4what Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 LOL forget about it, you are doomed, unless he calls you everytday.
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