Polygraph to validate her story?

[Justin2011]

For those that have had experience with te polygraph - did it help your situation?

 

I've posted a question in te forum a few days ago and am having difficulty rebuilding trust in my wife because I cannot validate her story.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t299328/

[Osiris1234]

Alot of people think polygraph is flawed but they are beyond wrong. It is actually very accurate. If your telling the truth there is no reason for your heart to shoot up or your breathing increased. You can be completely relaxed without any hesitation if your telling the truth.

 

I think polygraph is perfect way to get the truth out of people.

 

If they dont want to do it then they are hiding something.

Edited September 26, 2011 by Osiris1234

[Bryanp]

Contact an attorney or the police department. Highly professional testers can tell quite accurately if people are lying. The few that are able to fool a polygraph are usually genuine psychopaths. My guess is that your wife will tell you more of the truth once you have told her that you scheduled a polygraph. This is very common.

[GorillaTheater]

I see polygraphs reccomended fairly frequently on various sites, but it's simply not for me. I will walk away for good, leaving us both with whatever shreds of dignity we have left at that point, rather than require the woman who at one point swore to love me to get a polygraph.

 

But, as they say, your mileage may vary.

[In Like Flynn]

Unfortunately the first story is rarely the complete story but often a watered down version. She should first lose the friend!!! Then give you the number from the card and you call OM and ask him his version. Otherwise polygraph...its done all the time and not too expensive.

[sadcalifornian]

Polygraph is quite effective, but the reason it is not admissible in court for criminal case is that it is not 100% accurate. In order to prove someone guilty to sentence prison time, the test result has to be solid beyond doubt, but the polygraph is not quite there yet. After all, it measures the physical response resulting from emotional turmoil in lying. For example, if a person is truly sociopathic lacking any conscience, he/she would feel no guilt in lying, therefore would show no physical response in lying.

 

However, to an average Jon Doe, it is fairly accurate, and when it comes to infidelity, I heard it is quite effective in detecting lies. I think the main hurdle is how to get the WS to agree to the test. And, the second hurdle would be dealing with the humiliation and resentment by WS.

[PegNosePete]

I think the main hurdle is how to get the WS to agree to the test.

That is easy. "Do a polygraph or the divorce papers will be in your inbox by tomorrow."

[Lucky_One]

Before I threatened my spouse with a polygraph test, I would do a lot of research. NOT reading what the websites of polygraph testers tell you.

 

It's estimated that there is an accuracy rate of about 61%. If you want to rest the fate of your marriage on something that is slightly more accurate than basic fifty-fifty chance, to find out if she removed her bra herself or if he removed it, then that is your choice.

 

Personally, you know she cheated. Does anything else really, really matter in the long run?

[fltc]

For those that have had experience with te polygraph - did it help your situation?

 

I've posted a question in te forum a few days ago and am having difficulty rebuilding trust in my wife because I cannot validate her story.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t299328/

 

Why does it matter? You know she cheated, you know you don't trust her and you know you'll never trust her again, it's divorce time. No relationship can survive w/o trust, save the polygraph fees for a good divorce attorney.

[Frank13]

If your telling the truth there is no reason for your heart to shoot up or your breathing increased. You can be completely relaxed without any hesitation if your telling the truth.

 

I think polygraph is perfect way to get the truth out of people.

 

If they dont want to do it then they are hiding something.

 

On the other side of the coin, if there is no reprecussion for lying, there is no reason for your heart rate or breathing to shoot up. In other words, if you are being accused of a crime and risk going to jail, it will cause your heart rate and breathing to shoot up. If nothing bad will happen even if you lie, there is less tendency for your breathing and heart rate to go up.

[jnj express]

Why do you need a Poly---why do you need anything---your wife KNEW she was married---yet she gave herself WILLINGLY to this guy----

 

She lied and decieved from the getgo---so she could have sex with this guy, completely "dissing" you---what more do you need---you want more gory details---WHY???

 

Stop blaming her friend---HER FRIEND DID NOT TAKE VOWS WITH YOU---your wife is a grown MARRIED woman---who stayed out all night into the next morning--so she could have sex with some guy----YOUR BEEF IS WITH YOUR WIFE AND NO ONE ELSE, and you DO NOT NEED ANY MORE INFO

 

What you need to do, is to decide WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT ALL OF THIS, and what you need for the rest of your life

 

What your wife did is not going away anytime soon, if ever, as long as you stay with her---she is the trigger

 

How does your wife act about all of this, and what does she say caused her to wreck her mge

 

She wasn't just dropped on the planet---SHE FULL WELL KNOWS WHAT A'S DO TO MGE.,S AND WHAT THEY DO TO THE BETRAYED SPOUSE---yet she still went ahead, and spread her legs when she could have at anytime called you for a ride home

 

You need to think long and hard about your future, and whether it should include this "whore" you have for a wife---that may sound harsh, but the TRUTH IS THE TRUTH

[sadcalifornian]

Some people try to shoot down the Polygraph idea due to its accuracy issue. However, this is the best tool we have. And, although it may not be 100% accurate, I assure you through polygraph you will get much much more information out of her. In fact, quite often WS starts spilling beans either simply facing the threat of polygraph or the day before the scheduled polygraph exam. Some even confess in the parking lot minutes before the exam, I heard. I mean, all this before they even take the actual exam.

 

This is an extremely powerful tool for someone like you who is desperately seeking the truth. I really do not understand why some posters are so negative on this idea. They seem to support all other ideas of snoopings and reading between lines in some text and emails, and all kinds of psychological warfare, so to speak, to deal with WS, but when it comes to polygraph, it should be shunned just because it is not 100% accurate?

 

Or, another argument is, if things are so bad that it come to polygraph, you might as well just divorce. I really don't get this argument. Why demanding polygraph equate divorcing? Then by the same token, all the snoopings, sperm test, VAR, and PI should be thrown out the door as well, since if your spouse seems so distrustful that you have to resort to these degrading acts, you might as well just leave, no? Why bother?

 

Also, some people say even if the WS passes or fails the polygraph, since it is not 100% accurate, you can't take any big decision based on the result only. Well, in seeking the truth of A, one can never have the complete truth no matter what other methods you try. The real truth will only stay between the WS and OM/W. So, even if WS passes the test, if you are still skeptical due to other strong evidences, then you can demand retake by changing questionaires or even the examiner. If WS fails the test, you now have much stronger ground to demand more detailed confession at the least. Again, this tool is extremely powerful and useful if utilized in a proper way. Saying just because it is not 100%, it is useless is a completely BS. You have to know the limit and treat it as an imperfect but useful tool just like everything else.

Edited October 2, 2011 by sadcalifornian

[Space Ritual]

Why do you need a Poly---why do you need anything---your wife KNEW she was married---yet she gave herself WILLINGLY to this guy----

 

She lied and decieved from the getgo---so she could have sex with this guy, completely "dissing" you---what more do you need---you want more gory details---WHY???

 

Stop blaming her friend---HER FRIEND DID NOT TAKE VOWS WITH YOU---your wife is a grown MARRIED woman---who stayed out all night into the next morning--so she could have sex with some guy----YOUR BEEF IS WITH YOUR WIFE AND NO ONE ELSE, and you DO NOT NEED ANY MORE INFO

 

What you need to do, is to decide WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT ALL OF THIS, and what you need for the rest of your life

 

What your wife did is not going away anytime soon, if ever, as long as you stay with her---she is the trigger

 

How does your wife act about all of this, and what does she say caused her to wreck her mge

 

She wasn't just dropped on the planet---SHE FULL WELL KNOWS WHAT A'S DO TO MGE.,S AND WHAT THEY DO TO THE BETRAYED SPOUSE---yet she still went ahead, and spread her legs when she could have at anytime called you for a ride home

 

You need to think long and hard about your future, and whether it should include this "whore" you have for a wife---that may sound harsh, but the TRUTH IS THE TRUTH

 

eloquent and spot on as always JNJ:)

[jnj express]

Hey Space R---nice to visit with you

 

Yah----there is nothing more to do here, than for Justin the OP---to decide his future

 

He wants validation---what is there to validate---what he already knows is enuff---what more could he need

 

He has a wife, who did everything she could to have sex with a STRANGE MAN----full well knowing that her actions could very well end her mge., and for sure that they would ruin the life of her H.---but she willingly had her tryst---what more could there be to know

 

Justin's problem, is he is stalling, cuz he doesn't know what to do----does he stay with this woman, or does he start his life over

 

Well Justin---if you can look at this woman, w/out vomiting, and if you can talk to her, w/out wanting to yell at her, about how she has ruined lives, and thought nothing of it, and if you can touch her, knowing she has allowed a strange man to touch her all over---then take her back----its your life, its your sub-conscious

[Art_Critic]

am having difficulty rebuilding trust in my wife

 

IMO a polygraph test will only tear down the trust.. not build it back up.

[RainDown]

I'm not really clear on the reason for the polygraph. Your wife went out with a GF, they took two men back to GFs apartment, your wife made out with one of the men there (a total stranger), she went back to his place with him, gave him a bj, and after fingering her for a while he screwed her, then went to sleep, she called her GF for a ride, then went home.

 

You caught her, she lied for a while, then a month later you have the version above. Does it really matter who took her bra off? Does it really matter who kissed whom first? Does it matter if the bj was 3 seconds, 3 minutes, or 3 hours? Does it really matter if it was two fingers or three? If the intercourse was 10 minues or 2 hours? Seriously?

 

You have much bigger problems than those little details, I think. For a single woman to have done what she did that night is alarming enough, but a MARRIED one? How does a married woman so easily go from "girl's night out" to a one night stand with a total stranger? Think about it. What kind of person do you have to be to behave that way? Particularly when she has a husband at home waiting for her?

 

I'm going to be a little (well, a lot) sexist here and tell you that normal, loving wives do not so casually behave this way. Most of the time married women end up in bed with OM after a significant emotional attachment and relationship which then leads to physical consummation of the deal. They don't tend to just pick up strange men in bars, have hot sex, then go home. If your wife truly did just pick up some strange man in a bar and go home with him and *uck him, you have a HUGE problem on your hands; and it isn't who took off her bra.

 

If this is the story she's sticking to, you might consider cutting your losses now and walking away. That kind of behavior is completely outrageous and outside of anything you should be anywhere near.

 

Trust me, I was that woman once. I did that kind of thing not once, but many times when I was in "committed" relationships and I was not the kind of girlfriend or wife any man should have been anywhere near. I clearly remember myself doing exactly what your wife says she did that night, I remember lying about it, and I remember doing it again at the next opportunity. I also remember the "remorse" and the "tears" when I got caught.

 

Please give this a lot of thought. You wife is a dangerous creature to be around.

[sadcalifornian]

I'm not really clear on the reason for the polygraph. Your wife went out with a GF, they took two men back to GFs apartment, your wife made out with one of the men there (a total stranger), she went back to his place with him, gave him a bj, and after fingering her for a while he screwed her, then went to sleep, she called her GF for a ride, then went home.

 

You caught her, she lied for a while, then a month later you have the version above. Does it really matter who took her bra off? Does it really matter who kissed whom first? Does it matter if the bj was 3 seconds, 3 minutes, or 3 hours? Does it really matter if it was two fingers or three? If the intercourse was 10 minues or 2 hours? Seriously?

 

You have much bigger problems than those little details, I think. For a single woman to have done what she did that night is alarming enough, but a MARRIED one? How does a married woman so easily go from "girl's night out" to a one night stand with a total stranger? Think about it. What kind of person do you have to be to behave that way? Particularly when she has a husband at home waiting for her?

 

I'm going to be a little (well, a lot) sexist here and tell you that normal, loving wives do not so casually behave this way. Most of the time married women end up in bed with OM after a significant emotional attachment and relationship which then leads to physical consummation of the deal. They don't tend to just pick up strange men in bars, have hot sex, then go home. If your wife truly did just pick up some strange man in a bar and go home with him and *uck him, you have a HUGE problem on your hands; and it isn't who took off her bra.

 

If this is the story she's sticking to, you might consider cutting your losses now and walking away. That kind of behavior is completely outrageous and outside of anything you should be anywhere near.

 

Trust me, I was that woman once. I did that kind of thing not once, but many times when I was in "committed" relationships and I was not the kind of girlfriend or wife any man should have been anywhere near. I clearly remember myself doing exactly what your wife says she did that night, I remember lying about it, and I remember doing it again at the next opportunity. I also remember the "remorse" and the "tears" when I got caught.

 

Please give this a lot of thought. You wife is a dangerous creature to be around.

 

OP is having hard time accepting this version of ONS, but more importantly he is concerned that there is much much more to this than that. Just like your experience, this may not be the first time. If so, she may have been engaged in this type of behaviors for God knows how long.

[jnj express]

1st as to your wife's not remembering---she remembers only to well, she just doesn't want to tell you---she already admits to not being drunk anymore, and so what would cause a memory loss---NOTHING---she won't face up to the truth of what she has done

 

How many times that night did your wife CHOOSE AGAINST YOU, HER H.

 

When she left the bar, when she went to the apt., when she knew she was getting kicked out, when she chose to walk 15 minutes with a strange man, to his car at 5 a m, when she got in his car, when she went into his apt.---SHE COULD HAVE CALLED YOU HER LOVING H., ANY ONE OF THOSE TIMES, AND SAVED HER MGE

 

What was her choice, to say screw you H---I CHOOSE THE STRANGER---I choose to walk 15 minutes with somebody I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT at 5 a m---I choose to get in the strangers car, full well knowing I was going to his apt.---I choose to go into his apt, and have sex with the stranger, who I know absolutely nothing about!!!!!!!

 

SHE COULD/SHOULD HAVE CALLED you when the bar closed---she could have called you anywhere along the line-----SHE CHOSE AGAINST YOU

 

Why are you and her still even together???????

[RainDown]

OP is having hard time accepting this version of ONS, but more importantly he is concerned that there is much much more to this than that. Just like your experience, this may not be the first time. If so, she may have been engaged in this type of behaviors for God knows how long.

 

Yes, there is much more to this than that one night. What I am saying is that this is one of those situations in which he might be better off not knowing because he is likely to find out things he wished he had never found out and will never be able to unknow afterwards. If her story is indeed true, no one needs people like her (and the past me) in their lives. It's a trainwreck and damages people beyond endurance.

 

I would be much, much happier to find that she did indeed know this man for some time, crossed the boundaries that lead to an EA, and a PA then followed. That scenario can be dealt with and possibly reconciled. A polygraph might be helpful in illuminating the entirely of her relationship with OM (if there was one) so that might be a useful route. But a polygraph to nail down the details of the sex that went on that one single night I don't see as particularly useful.

 

I think if the OP chooses the poly route, questions need to be asked about how many ONS and other EAs/PAs this woman has had as well as how long she's been involved with this OM. But again, the danger for OP is that he may well get much more than he bargained for and rather than the poly helping him it may just twist the knife deeper than he possibly could have imagined.

 

As most BSs find out the hard way, what they learn in the beginning is typically just the tip of one huge ugly iceberg. And the tip of this woman's iceberg (as she tells it) is already alarming enough. And I fear the truth is going to just get worse and worse.

[sadcalifornian]

Yes, there is much more to this than that one night. What I am saying is that this is one of those situations in which he might be better off not knowing because he is likely to find out things he wished he had never found out and will never be able to unknow afterwards. If her story is indeed true, no one needs people like her (and the past me) in their lives. It's a trainwreck and damages people beyond endurance.

 

I would be much, much happier to find that she did indeed know this man for some time, crossed the boundaries that lead to an EA, and a PA then followed. That scenario can be dealt with and possibly reconciled. A polygraph might be helpful in illuminating the entirely of her relationship with OM (if there was one) so that might be a useful route. But a polygraph to nail down the details of the sex that went on that one single night I don't see as particularly useful.

 

I think if the OP chooses the poly route, questions need to be asked about how many ONS and other EAs/PAs this woman has had as well as how long she's been involved with this OM. But again, the danger for OP is that he may well get much more than he bargained for and rather than the poly helping him it may just twist the knife deeper than he possibly could have imagined.

 

As most BSs find out the hard way, what they learn in the beginning is typically just the tip of one huge ugly iceberg. And the tip of this woman's iceberg (as she tells it) is already alarming enough. And I fear the truth is going to just get worse and worse.

 

I agree that using polygraph to verify what particular sex act performed that night would be like using a nuke to hunt down a mouse. At this point, the options for him are quite clear and limited. If this particular ONS according to her minimized version is enough for him to D, then there is no point pursuing further truth. If however he still wants to leave the option of R open with thread of hope this is truly a one time mistake, then the only next course of action is to dig the truth with everything he has.

 

Is she just a lost soul who made a poor judgement on the night of ONS influenced by alcochol and her wicked GF? Or, is this indeed a tip of iceberg of her monstrous behaviors for a long time? He has to know the truth who she really is to determine whether he wants R or not. Based on what he's been told so far, he is stuck in limbo without knowing what to believe.

[jnj express]

I see that the OP, has already decided to stay with the mge----

 

So now if the OP, would like to answer---I would like to know what your wife is doing to make this mge work, and where is the accountability on her part, or was this all just swept under the rug, by you.

 

She will never really be able to make it right, she can never give you back your carefree days, or your peace of mind, or your trust

 

From now on everytime she goes out you will be wondering, and looking over your shoulder---she will be walking on eggshells---so what kind of a mge do you really have

 

What has she done to get to the WHY in all of this---why did she choose the other guy, over her H.

 

Even more distressing is why would a grown, mature woman choose to go off with a man she knows absolutely nothing about---he could have raped her, given her drugs, kidnapped her, maimed her, murdered her, it happens all the time---he could have been crazy, he could have been a jailbird, he could have been diseased---yet this woman, chose to just go off with him---what does she use for brains

 

It is also absolutely right/possible that this IS the tip of an iceberg, and that this wife, has been cheating all along---and yes for that a POLY would be needed

 

One other thing---since you are deciding to stay and live with the specter of another man, inside of your wife---You should make your wife sign a POST--NUP AGREEMENT.

[samsungxoxo]

Alot of people think polygraph is flawed but they are beyond wrong. It is actually very accurate. If your telling the truth there is no reason for your heart to shoot up or your breathing increased. You can be completely relaxed without any hesitation if your telling the truth.

 

I think polygraph is perfect way to get the truth out of people.

 

If they dont want to do it then they are hiding something.

I don't know... my father would have failed the polograph test from the start, even if he were telling the truth. He's a nervous person by nature around those types of devices. Even taking a blood pressure would freak him out.

Someone in his former job (a staff member stole something and my father was being wrongly accussed of it) once make him take a polygraph test and he felt like suffocating. Off course he failed the test and simply told that guy ''I respect your device and it must be useful but understand I was very uncomfortable with it''.

[Art_Critic]

Isn't requiring a Poly reversing the anti-trust issue...

If my spouse asked me to take one.. for whatever reason I would no longer trust that person..

 

I'm totally against cheating and cheating helps break the trust, but so does making your spouse take a poly...

2 wrongs don't make a right...

[samsungxoxo]

Honestly if you have to rely on a polygraph test in order to save a LTR or Marriage than there isn't any type of relationship and it's over by now.

 

Chances are if she passed the test but was lying the whole time, you'll wrongly believed her and your marriage is doomed again.

 

And if she is honest but like my father, gets all nervous and fails the test the relationship is doomed too.

 

Lastly, even if she tells and truth and passed the test you'll still be wondering what else she did and will she ever cheat again...

 

I think this is a lose-lose-lose situation.

[jnj express]

What kind of a chance does this mge., have in all reality---poly or no poly

 

How does this H., handle what he knows---when she chose another man over him, at 5 different times, during the one night---how does he handle that, or does he just allow it to be swept under the rug, and live with what his "loving" wife has done to him, and their mge.