kushala1 Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 My xbf broke up w/me 6 months ago and except for the fact that he no longer wanted to be in the relationship (small detail - ), we did have a very nice and based on mutual respect relationship. Which brings me to the question: Why did he choose to do it over the phone??? I'm not talking about a high school kid here, this is a 27 year old well-educated professional man! We had a long distance relationship and had actually seen each other two weeks prior (when we celebrated our 1st year anniversary!) and I was scheduled to come up 2 weeks after he decided it wasn't going to work. Even after breaking up, he still wanted me to come up, which I didn't of course. I know I could just ask him but I don't want him to think (or know) that I'm still bitter about this (which I obviously am!). During the last few conversations we've had (he still calls to chat), I wasn't exactly nice to him (which is understandable). I feel like I'm more angry now than the day he broke up with me. Last time we spoke I accused him of not "having the balls to do it in person". He didn't say anything. So the question is: Why would a grown man decide to end a serious relationship over the phone?
dyermaker Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 So the question is: Why would a grown man decide to end a serious relationship over the phone? For the same reason that a grown man would decide to end a serious relationship face-to-face. In terms of what you take from this, you should, if you're in need of focus, focus on why the relationship was ended, not the method of doing so. Yeah, it was totally tacky, but you're not doing yourself any favors by delving into his motivations. He's not interested in a relationship with you. If you find yourself drawn to anger, simply stop contact with him--he'll be forced to understand.
magda Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 Even after breaking up, he still wanted me to come up, which I didn't of course. Because he probably figured it was better than doing it while you were there, when you'd wish you weren't there. And it would be unfair to let you come there thinking & planning for romance when he knew it wasn't so. He probably decided just after you left the previous visit and took awhile to make sure he wanted to break things off.
chubachoop Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 I dont think it was wrong that your boyfriend broke up with you over the phon, because it is a long distance relationship. If he had waited untill he saw you next to break up with you then he would have spent the next two weeks pretending everything was ok and stringing you along surely? I was in a long distance relationship which I eneded the other day. I phoned him to end it because i wouldnt be seeing him for at least 2 weeks. We used to speak for hours every day so there was no way I could be false and speak to him every day, knowing I was planning a break up. I think when you decide to break up with someone you should do it straight away and if over the phone is the only way you can do it, because u cant see each other, then i think that is the right way to do it. sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear though
Author kushala1 Posted May 16, 2004 Author Posted May 16, 2004 Chubachoop, I completely agree with you, it'd have been a lot worse if my ex had kept pretending things were fine until the next time we were to see each other again. I definitely would have felt worse and trapped had it happened on his "turf". I guess the thing that "ticked" me off the most (besides the obvious) was the fact that he practically kept begging me to still come up. I know if I break up with someone I wouldn't want to see them right away, particularly when I'm the cause of their pain and things would be too awkward. I know things are not just black or white, but I don't want to try to figure things out anymore. The way I want to look at this whole thing is that when someone breaks up with you, it means they don't need you anymore and will definitely be fine w/o seeing you ever again. If I leave room for any other interpretation, I will feel like I'm just deluding myself and wasting time fantasizing. Thank you...
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