littlelove Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 I found out in March that my husband was having an affair. We have been married for 4 years and share 3 children together. He has been with this other woman for over a year. She says she is in love with him and he swares it is over. Don't know what to believe anymore. He finally admitted to me that he had sex with her in our vehicle (makes me sick). She has picked him up from our house, he even introduced her to his mother! I don't know what to do. I want to forgive him but i can't let go of this sick feeling every time i look at him. I think about it every day. It has taken over my life, I am so depressed and hate myself. Thinking that it or was in some ways my fault. I just don't know what to think anymore or how to feel. The one person that was suppose to be my best friend, my lover, my protector, my husband. Hurt me in the worst possible way. He has destroyed me and my kids. They (kids) are much to young to know anything but they feel the tension and they see me cry day in day out. How do i make this situation any better? He is 31 and she is 21, what can he see in someone 10 years younger? I just don't understand. So many unanswered questions. What should i do, I need some advice. PLEASE HELP!!!!! I love my family and friends but they can only give so much advice, without getting in the middle. thanks- littlelove
Linlin Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 I know what you are going through. I found out that my H was having an affair with a good friend (LOL at calling her that) in March as well. The affair is over now but I am still suspicious for my own reasons. Again she says she can't decided between her H and my H. My H said he told her bye but I will keep my guard up I have seen a counsellor and so has my H. Perhaps you should start there. You need to get all of those feelings out. Also my may need to see your family dr to give you something to cope. We have talked about seeing a marriage counsellor in the future. When I found out, I put a plan into action. We are selling the house, and I am going to buy my own house for me and the kids. He will pay me child support and see the kids on the weekends for the most part. We are living in the same house right now and are fairly amicable. You need to have him out of the house if it is going to make you and the kids feel better. The two things you need to worry about right now are you and the kids. Don't focus on him. He doesn't deserve it As women we tend to do that. You need to worry about you right now. We have good days and bad days. I have said my peace alot to him so the anger is not there alot with him anymore. I still hate her and possibly always will. I still have to see her and know that they had feelings for each other and that is hard to deal with. If you can talk to him and he is willing to spill his guts on thigs that may help. All the talking we have done has helped. I haven't always like the answer but at least I have no questions and know where I stand in things. He also needs to make sure he has no contact with her for your sanity, even to the point that he has to be rude to her. I am not sure what the future holds for me and H. I think that we need to be separated for awhile and then maybe we can go to counselling. I think that I will always love him as the father of my children but I can't be married to him anymore. There are just some things I can't get past. So I think we will part as "friends". I think you have to sake yourself can you forgive, forget and move on in your relationship together or do you have to move on by yourself. Only you can decide. Do you want to stay married and does he as well. If you want to, look at <URL removed> for some good info. The pain does ease. Perhaps if you two can talk more openly it will help. It has helped me. It's not perfect but we can be civil. Time does help but you also have to tell him exactly how you feel and then decide what you can live with. Good luck!
LILUIL Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 he's going through mid life crisis...... sounds like me try marriage counselling...... both of you!
margaretdorsey Posted January 2, 2006 Posted January 2, 2006 I know how you feel but it depends on how you are ready to live the rest of your life. My husband had been cheating secretly for years before he asked me to "open our marriage". That went well for a while but it soon got out of control when we went to his sister's wedding and he brought his lover with us. While at the hotel he ran into a former lover, one that he had cheated on me with, and proceeded to lock himself into our room with her, leaving me to console woman #2. Things got better for a while but on December 30 he announced that he was celebrating New Year's Eve with his new lover in Texas, leaving me and our 10-year-old to make out excuses to everyone at our party. I chose to forgive and adapt and I'm now finding myself more and more abused.
SamandBran Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Margaret, Why are you even married? Being single is so less worrisome and you can sleep with whomever you feel like without feeling bad. And he can do as he pleases without hurtin you. Move on sweetie.
Guestrrr Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Good sex and a bodacious physique... that's all she offers him and and who knows what else. I just hope he used a condom. Don't want any STDs.
Kylemack Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 littlelove and margaretdorsey, i can only say one thing for each of u, and its the same thing. You deserve better, and when u realize that u do, it will all get better.
Chump64 Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I'll tell you what I did in your situation. I found out my spouse had been cheating. I confronted him last month. I gave him the option to divorce me or end his affair (that day, with no more contact, ever) and he chose the latter. I really would prefer to separate from him to think things out, but there are kids involved and they would be extremely traumatized if we separated. I have to say that I am putting them first right now. I can't keep my own emotions and mental health in check -- there is no way I could help them through something like this right now. On the day I confronted him, I found out this has been going on for 10 years, with a 'friend' of ours. This longevity is the most difficult thing to resolve. I am not sure that forgiveness is an option at this point; I'm still trying to sort it all out. We immediately went into counseling and we talk a lot and are reading several books on affairs and forgiveness. Do you really WANT to stay married? Keep in mind that separation and divorce is no less painful than working things through, and trying to forgive him. BUT -- your husband has to be willing to cut all contact with this woman and to begin working on your marriage. If he's not willing to do that, there is not much hope, and you need to dump his sorry butt. You deserve better. Can you get into counseling ASAP?
JadeStar Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 This is a post from 2004 I doubt that person is still here posting unless they joined and are a memeber now. Jade
azfree Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 It's been only 1 month my x and I are separated. He also cheated on me and this time is the second time. We have 4 kids. I decided to leave him and not planning to reconcile with him. I must say I'm better off with out him. I don't have to clean up after him. I can sleep at night peacefully with out wondering when he is coming home or if he is talking to her on his way home. The first time he cheated on me I decided to give him a second chance with out going to counseling because he doesn't believe in it. You know it took me 5 years to trust him again however still reminds me about it. I decided to trust him again and not letting the fast ruined my everyday lives. My point is if you decided to give him a chance and both of you decided to go to counseling then just keep this in my that it will take atleast five years to trust him again (if it is to be, It's up to you). I hope he will not do it again because my husband did it again after five years, isn't he stupid? He never learn the first time that's why we are separated now. If incase you decide to leave him this advice will help you (Take care of youself, make yourself look good, and stay strong then you husband will realized what he had lost. My husband now looks pathetic. He is trying to take care of our kids on the weekend, his work, and his stupid OW. I must say he probably realized what he had done that it takes so much time and energy to take care of the kids, do laundry, clean the house. Now, No more miss nice wife for him after 13 years and done every for him. Stay strong because you are not alone. Set a good example for your kids that you are strong and have faith in God. I hope this help..
azshroad Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 I found out that my husband(read xhusband) was having an affair 1 year ago. We split up and he has come back to me numerous times, only to leave for her again. I finally said enough is enough, and we have been divorced for 1 month. They broke things off early december, so he could comeback to me yet again. The problem is, he called and wants to work things out again. Things go great hot, heavy, romantic, apologies, 'cant live w/o me'....and I start stressing, then he decides needs to stay at his place, and that he wants to take things slow. Then I found out that days before this and after this he was out with another woman!! He says they just friends, that she knows about me, and I have nothing to worry about. The 1st woman, was a neighbor and friend...lol... Obviously have huge trust issues. I have always known that my husband/ex was selfish and immature, but can I trust him now.....Help??!!??
Lola B Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 That sick feeling is telling you something. I just found out what a lying, cheating bastard my husband is. Long story short, this is the 2nd time I caught him lying about the same woman. I have been so mad. I said and did some terrible things since I found out--slapping him, smashing half our china and giving the other half to Goodwill, but the worse is fighting and crying in front of the children. I regret that the most. They are going to remember this forever. I'm trying to pull it together for them. What my husband has done is done, I can't change it no matter how loud I scream about what a terrible person he is. I have to get it together for the kids. Stop thinking about how much he has hurt you and think about you and the kids, not him. These guys aren't worth it any more. If that's how they treat us, why should we give them any consideration? Move on, take care of yourself and the kids. Are we going to stick around so they can do it again? The first time I stayed with him for the sake of our kids. This time, I'm leaving for the sake of the kids. Be strong, maintain your dignity and let the kids come first, not him. Take care of yourself. -------------------------------------------- I found out in March that my husband was having an affair. We have been married for 4 years and share 3 children together. He has been with this other woman for over a year. She says she is in love with him and he swares it is over. Don't know what to believe anymore. He finally admitted to me that he had sex with her in our vehicle (makes me sick). She has picked him up from our house, he even introduced her to his mother! I don't know what to do. I want to forgive him but i can't let go of this sick feeling every time i look at him. I think about it every day. It has taken over my life, I am so depressed and hate myself. Thinking that it or was in some ways my fault. I just don't know what to think anymore or how to feel. The one person that was suppose to be my best friend, my lover, my protector, my husband. Hurt me in the worst possible way. He has destroyed me and my kids. They (kids) are much to young to know anything but they feel the tension and they see me cry day in day out. How do i make this situation any better? He is 31 and she is 21, what can he see in someone 10 years younger? I just don't understand. So many unanswered questions. What should i do, I need some advice. PLEASE HELP!!!!! I love my family and friends but they can only give so much advice, without getting in the middle. thanks- littlelove
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