chucksagent Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I read an interesting article over the weekend that said "women who hate themselves or have no self confidence/self esteem are MUCH higher risk to cheat than confident women." It was prompted as a response to a guy wrote in and asked the question: "My girlfriend recently told me she thinks she is a failure and that she is not attractive at all. She also said she hates herself. She is very beautiful but doesn't view herself so. Is she a high risk cheater because she doesn't think she can get anything better? Therefore, if a tall, dark, and handsome guy hits on her is she likely to fall for it?" And the response was overwhelmingly in favor of YES. The writer said that women with no self esteem are VERY high risk cheaters. But isn't it possible that a "GOOD" person (despite no self esteem) can still say no to the temptation of cheating because its WRONG?! What do you guys think? (Interesting topic I thought to get opinions)
carhill Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I've yet to meet a MW who was feeling completely on top of her game and just wanted to share herself with everyone or even one person. That doesn't mean they don't exist but rather that those types are sharing themselves with a different kind of man. With some the issues were specific and transitory; with others more generalized. I've experienced the temptation with situational low self-esteem, meaning generalized good self-esteem but lack in a certain area of life, as well as a more generalized low self-esteem and IME the commonality has been the self-esteem issue itself rather than the overall context. The lack of self-esteem, whether general or targeted, changes/affects psychology and boundaries. It's entirely possible that an otherwise 'good' person can experience this dynamic. If I live to 75, that'll be over 27,000 days of life. Some of those days haven't been up to the standard of 'good' which I envisioned for myself. Does that negate the whole of the good and why? Within the answer to that question lies a goodly portion of self-esteem.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Is this type of person a high risk for cheating? A much higher risk for cheating are those who come from homes/families where cheating was the norm.
oldshirt Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 A trait that I would be lot more concerned with rather than low selfesteem is if someone has a sense of entitlement and is prone to selfish, self-centered and self-serving behavior. Cheating is often more about selfishness than anything else. If someone has a sense of entitlement and self-centeredness they will be more likely to do something just because the opportunity was there and they wanted it and didn't care about how it would effect someone else. I would be more concerned about someone who always blames other people for things that go wrong and always have an excuse for why they did something wrong and always have reasons to justify their bad behavior. That indicates the profile of a cheater more than some gal that thinks she's fat.
KathyM Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I read an interesting article over the weekend that said "women who hate themselves or have no self confidence/self esteem are MUCH higher risk to cheat than confident women." It was prompted as a response to a guy wrote in and asked the question: "My girlfriend recently told me she thinks she is a failure and that she is not attractive at all. She also said she hates herself. She is very beautiful but doesn't view herself so. Is she a high risk cheater because she doesn't think she can get anything better? Therefore, if a tall, dark, and handsome guy hits on her is she likely to fall for it?" And the response was overwhelmingly in favor of YES. The writer said that women with no self esteem are VERY high risk cheaters. But isn't it possible that a "GOOD" person (despite no self esteem) can still say no to the temptation of cheating because its WRONG?! What do you guys think? (Interesting topic I thought to get opinions) Yes, I agree, I have read that too--that people who are suffering from low self esteem, even if it is temporary, are more at risk of being unfaithful. That is true for men and women. Some men and women start to think they are not as attractive as they once were, or can no longer attract the opposite sex, or start to feel inferior in some way, and they are more susceptible for the guy or woman who makes them feel good about themselves again. I know a married woman who was a prime example of this. She was a very attractive woman, but developed self esteem issues later in life. When some other man she met on an internet chat room started telling her what a wonderful person she was, how attractive she was, etc., etc., she was craving that kind of validation that she just fell for the guy, hook, line and sinker. She did not have an accurate sense of herself and high self esteem on her own, so it fluctuated based on what she was being told by these other men, and it made her very susceptible to fall for any and every guy that threw compliments her way. She continually sought validation through others in order to feel good about herself, and she seemed to lack self esteem and a sense of herself based on her own self concept. She needed that outside validation, and that made her more susceptible for an affair.
Beachgirl8 Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I think that cheating is always a choice, nothing more. It doesnt "just happen". At some point a conscious decision was made for whatever reason, be it boredom, low self esteem, need for external validation, whatever. They are all excuses. What it boils down to is you made a promise to one person not to have sex with anyone else, and then you broke that promise. If you want to sleep with multiple people, then be single. Or a swinger. Or in an open relationship. There are all kinds of solutions that don't include lying to the person you profess to love. I think cheating is disgusting and mean and totally unnecessary.
RainDown Posted October 2, 2011 Posted October 2, 2011 I think people with low self-esteem are more likely to be targeted by players (who can generally spot them a mile away), which probably creates more opportunity to be exposed to the risk of being drawn into a cheating situation. Whether the low self-esteem person actually decides to cheat probably involves a lot of other factors (character, integrity, loyalty, commitment, support from current partner, etc). People are multifaceted beings and I don't believe one single aspect can be used to predict risk.
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