Quiet Storm Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 He is lying to her though and she knows it. So what foundation for a marriage is that? How can they continue like that? It has to come out once and for all and I have told him to tell her that it is over if he wants but he does not. It doesn't matter why. It works for them. What matters: They are staying married. If you were hoping that telling her would make her kick him out, it doesn't look like that's going to happen. She may in denial, she may not care if he cheats, she may genuinely believe him. Or she may have the old school "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" mentality. In other words, she knows he plays around, is okay with it, but doesn't want it thrown in her face or made public. There are many other benefits to marriage besides romantic love, and romance with her H may not be important to her at this stage of her life. You are looking for a resolution, but he is not. He would be content to continue this forever, with his wife as his home base and you on the side.
Author nopainlike it Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) Well we had a big fight, i told him to tell her. Tell her it's over between us. He said he wouldnt. He said she knows anyway. So I rang her, I rang her and I rang her. I even went to see she was home first and rang her. She will not answer the phone.(She always did before and she is not working). So therefore I conclude that she seriously does not want to know. She has my name. I am not a coward, I would talk to her in person, I just think this was the best way to start. If I had signed my name on the letter, then he maybe would tell her I was some mad stalker. By ringing and talking to her, she would have the truth, she seriously does want it. So I am leaving it. I said kiss me goodbye, He said he would see me later We are not having an affair, he is just seeing me to talk about what will happen (his words). Whilst I figure out how to get myself out of this mess. AND he does love me (please don't argue that one). I know after 3 years. So if she found out that he had told me he loved me too, how would she feel about ignoring it then?? I don't want to go that far just curious. By the way, I told him I had tried to call her several times afterwards.... Edited September 30, 2011 by nopainlike it
stillafool Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 So I am leaving it.[/b] Leaving what? Aren't you already at your own home? We are not having an affair, he is just seeing me to talk about what will happen (his words). What else is there to talk about. Didn't you break it off with him? There's nothing else to say. Why do you continue to see him if you broke up? Whilst I figure out how to get myself out of this mess. AND he does love me (please don't argue that one). I know after 3 years. Perhaps so, but he must love her more and that's why he won't leave. So if she found out that he had told me he loved me too, how would she feel about ignoring it then?? I don't want to go that far just curious. Why do you care? If she doesn't want to talk to you that is her choice. You tried to tell her, you did the right thing by breaking up with him, now follow through and mind your own business and stay out of theirs. You almost sound like you are obsessed with his wife.
Author nopainlike it Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Well sorry, that is just bollocks, he still wants to see me...... the question is does I want to see him?
stillafool Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Well sorry, that is just bollocks, he still wants to see me...... the question is does I want to see him? We all know the answer to that one, including him.
xxoo Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 So if she found out that he had told me he loved me too, how would she feel about ignoring it then?? I don't want to go that far just curious. Why are you still focusing on her and her reasoning? Are you in a relationship with her??? He is determined to stay married to her as long as possible. Why do you want a man who literally needs to be KICKED OUT by his wife in order to choose you? Love is as love does. All the love he feels for you is small comfort when he chooses to stay married to her.
Author nopainlike it Posted October 1, 2011 Author Posted October 1, 2011 Why are you still focusing on her and her reasoning? Are you in a relationship with her??? He is determined to stay married to her as long as possible. Why do you want a man who literally needs to be KICKED OUT by his wife in order to choose you? Love is as love does. All the love he feels for you is small comfort when he chooses to stay married to her. Sorry one could argue that he did not choose to stay married to her, he chose to do nothing, he chose not to tell her the truth. He chose nothing at all, he is there by default. I learned that having never asking him to leave, I cannot force that decision on him nor did i intend to, I just wanted to end the misery.
woinlove Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Sorry one could argue that he did not choose to stay married to her, he chose to do nothing, he chose not to tell her the truth. He chose nothing at all, he is there by default. I learned that having never asking him to leave, I cannot force that decision on him nor did i intend to, I just wanted to end the misery. nopain, you sound so focussed on his M, but what is it that you want? You can think about his M any way you want, but it doesn't change the fact that at one point he chose to get married and he is not choosing to end that M. Who knows what his reasons are and it really doesn't matter. Given he is continuing his M, what is it that you want? You say you want to end the misery and it would seem the best way to do that is to remove him from your life. While it will hurt for a while, it will be your first step to a happier life where you aren't focussed on a man married to someone else, who is staying married. Do you have some other idea for ending the misery?
Kitsune77 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 This is rather disturbing.. As others have said, why are you so focused on their marriage? I hate to say it, but it feels like some strange sort of compition to me. If you really cared about this woman, you would leave her alone. Gather your dignity back, leave them to sort out their marriage,before this becomes more of a nightmare, and you get the reputation of a stalker, or one of them takes an AVO out on you. I don't understand what the undrlying reasoning is here?
xxoo Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 I just wanted to end the misery. I am truly sorry that you are in pain. No matter how you view his choices, he is choosing not to do what is needed for you to be satisfied in your relationship. The good news is, you have choices! Wishing you the strength to dump this mess of a man. Please don't settle for miserable with him.
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