TheSingleGuy Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 It seems every woman I date, I never get anything close to "fair" in terms of treatment from them. At least not in my mind. Every time I go out with a woman I'm dating, I always pay for the meal. The game. The tickets. The hotel. The gas. The everything. I don't mind, I make plenty of money. It's nothing. But I also know that if she were dating just about any other man, it would be an issue. I truly don't mind, some of these women just don't make much money at all. I don't care about that. But I have noticed a pattern with these women. They start out on the first date or two ordering very inexpensive things and the next thing I know they are ordering normal priced stuff or even the most expensive stuff on the menu. Just something I've noticed. And it's very rare that they ever invite me over to cook dinner for me. That almost never happens. Then, in the bedroom, 90% of the time, I always go down on her for a solid 20 to 30 minutes before I penetrate. It seems to be working, and I understand the orgasm and cumming are two separate events for a woman, but these women almost always cum really hard (I've learned a lot about this over the years) because the sheets are generally soaked before I penetrate. When they get really wet like that, I totally enjoy going down on them. But sometimes I turn sex down with these women because I don't feel like putting in the 20 to 30 minutes beforehand. Just stick it in and start pumping away with no kissing before hand, sure, I'd be up for that, but I know women don't really like it much. So rather than be "that guy", I just fall asleep and give them lots of affection. My question is, am I out of line to think a nice massage from them to me is out of line at least every other time we're together? I have yet to find a woman who feels this is fair. That is, the massage for oral trade, not even considering the "he pays for evertyhing" aspect. Most don't seem to mind giving a massage to me as long as I'm also giving them massages, but doesn't 20 to 30 minutes of per-penetration activity count for something? I don't like blow jobs, only one girl has ever been good at that and she didn't last very long. So, does anyone else kinda think all these women I've been seeing are pretty selfish? They know I love a good massage but they never seem to offer after we're together a few times. A good massage in the very beginning, that's pretty normal, but after that, it never seems to happen. And it isn't just the girl I'm seeing now, it's been this way with EVERY woman I've had a relationship with.
joeyanna Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Have you ever mentioned to any of these women, in passing, what you like to have done to you (and what you don't like). Communication is the key. Personally, I think intimacy is give and take and I love to make sure that I'm doing things that my man enjoys!
Emilia Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 First of all, a lot of women like a bit of rough from time to time but you need you have to know her better to work that out. To answer your original question in the title: it sounds like you are frustrated because you don't know how to assert yourself and how to ask for something you want
Author TheSingleGuy Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 ++++it sounds like you are frustrated because you don't know how to assert yourself and how to ask for something you want++++ In typical female fashion, turn it around and make it a fault of the man's personality. So it's not them being selfish, or their complete lack of attempt to do something nice in return, but MY FAULT for not giving them orders. Only in the female brain can these dots be connected.
Emilia Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 ++++it sounds like you are frustrated because you don't know how to assert yourself and how to ask for something you want++++ In typical female fashion, turn it around and make it a fault of the man's personality. So it's not them being selfish, or their complete lack of attempt to do something nice in return, but MY FAULT for not giving them orders. Only in the female brain can these dots be connected. Yep, you are definitely frustrated because you don't know how to assert yourself. Only someone who doesn't understand this would equate 'assertive' with 'giving orders'. It is not a fault if you can't do something (ie asserting your needs), but it is something you need to learn. A lot of people don't know how to set their boundaries. It would be completely pointless for me to comment on those women because I can only see your point of view since they are not on this forum and they can't share their side of the story. It's obvious that you are a very emotional person so maybe trying to put things in perspective would help? I can only give you advice on how to handle your situation rather than end up bashing the other parties (which is what you want but that would be completely pointless and useless)
FrustratedStandards Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 No, they aren't selfish. I am one of those women. First off, once they realize you can provide them with expensive things, they will order what they want and not pay attention to price. The fact that they ordered something inexpensive on your first date shows me they are considerate. Later on once they realize money isn't an issue, they don't care about price either. In the bedroom i'm the same as well. If the man is all over me pleasuring, then OH YEAH I would totally enjoy it. The reason women are like this is because since you always do all the work, and pay for everything, and take care of them etc they don't feel like they need to reciprocate. It feels like you want to do all the work, so we let you. I once dated a guy who was EXACTLY like you, and later on he complained that I don't appreciate and that i'm selfish, exactly like how you are saying. The truth is I had NO idea thats how he felt! I honest to god thought that he enjoyed taking the lead and paying and doing all those things! I think its not selfishness, i just think they don't appreciate (or show their appreciation). With that guy I just told you about, once we had that discussion, I changed my approach and began thanking him more, or doing small favors here and there to show him I really do appreciate what he is doing, and its not going unnoticed. I think thats whats going on here. You are being so amazing that they don't realize you also expect appreciation, cuz it might feel like you don't. So um... are you single at the moment? haha
veggirl Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 No, they aren't selfish. I am one of those women. First off, once they realize you can provide them with expensive things, they will order what they want and not pay attention to price. The fact that they ordered something inexpensive on your first date shows me they are considerate. Later on once they realize money isn't an issue, they don't care about price either. In the bedroom i'm the same as well. If the man is all over me pleasuring, then OH YEAH I would totally enjoy it. The reason women are like this is because since you always do all the work, and pay for everything, and take care of them etc they don't feel like they need to reciprocate. It feels like you want to do all the work, so we let you. I once dated a guy who was EXACTLY like you, and later on he complained that I don't appreciate and that i'm selfish, exactly like how you are saying. The truth is I had NO idea thats how he felt! I honest to god thought that he enjoyed taking the lead and paying and doing all those things! I think its not selfishness, i just think they don't appreciate (or show their appreciation). With that guy I just told you about, once we had that discussion, I changed my approach and began thanking him more, or doing small favors here and there to show him I really do appreciate what he is doing, and its not going unnoticed. I think thats whats going on here. You are being so amazing that they don't realize you also expect appreciation, cuz it might feel like you don't. So um... are you single at the moment? haha Seriously? This whole post is fail. It doesn't take a genius to figure that a man might want SOME kind of reciprocation. OP yes these ladies sound very selfish. Or stupid and delusional, which is just as bad.
East7 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 These women are not selfish. You teach them how to use you and on top of that you look happy. Why are you expecting another reaction ? Do they pursue the relationship with you or they end up telling you "let's stay friends?" I wouldn't be surprised...
FrustratedStandards Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 It doesn't take a genius to figure that a man might want SOME kind of reciprocation. Most women think that getting him laid is enough, and in many cases it is. Some men don't expect anything in return but your loyalty to him, and that works out too. It depends on the guy. If the man acts like he doesn't expect anything in return, would a women really go out of her way?
veggirl Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I would never feel comfortable with a man paying for everything and doing all the sexual pleasing while I then just laid there and let him fk me so he could finally get off. I guess "most" women have a low view of their men if they think all he needs is to get off to be happy.
FrustratedStandards Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 The way I was raised, the man always pays and the women cleans and cooks. I'm totally fine with that (although I would want to work as well, but if I don't im cool with that). Sexually yes, you need to please your man and not just lay there like a cold fish, but at the same time you need to enjoy getting pleasured as well, because men like to do that too. But yeah, I always expect the man to pay. Women already spend hundreds of dollars on hair maintenance, nails, waxing, makeup, clothes and shoes. The least a man can do is pay for her when he takes her out, cuz chances are she already spent more money trying to look nice than the actually meal costs. The men i've dated always paid and never had a problem with it, they actually felt more manly that they can take charge. I even had a guy tell me once "why are you offering to help me pay? you think im not good enough to pay for you and take you out? dont embarass me like that" (Again, let me remind everyone that i'm all for the alpha-male in many respects)
Feelsgoodman Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 No, they aren't selfish. I am one of those women. First off, once they realize you can provide them with expensive things, they will order what they want and not pay attention to price. The fact that they ordered something inexpensive on your first date shows me they are considerate. Later on once they realize money isn't an issue, they don't care about price either. In the bedroom i'm the same as well. If the man is all over me pleasuring, then OH YEAH I would totally enjoy it. The reason women are like this is because since you always do all the work, and pay for everything, and take care of them etc they don't feel like they need to reciprocate. It feels like you want to do all the work, so we let you. I once dated a guy who was EXACTLY like you, and later on he complained that I don't appreciate and that i'm selfish, exactly like how you are saying. The truth is I had NO idea thats how he felt! I honest to god thought that he enjoyed taking the lead and paying and doing all those things! Even if you were brought up in a lower class family, raised by parents who failed to teach you even the most basic concepts pertaining to decency and social grace, I fail to see how you could be ignorant enough to actually believe that someone could enjoy being taken advantage of. So please cut the crap. You did what you did because, as you said, you figured you could get away with it. This makes you a common parasite.
FrustratedStandards Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Even if you were brought up in a lower class family, raised by parents who failed to teach you even the most basic concepts pertaining to decency and social grace, I fail to see how you could be ignorant enough to actually believe that someone could enjoy being taken advantage of. So please cut the crap. You did what you did because, as you said, you figured you could get away with it. This makes you a common parasite. Actually I was brought up in a very rich, european family where the man is expected to do these things, and if he doesn't, he isn't a real man. You keep misinterpreting everything I write. I never said its okay to take advantage, I simply said that many women fail to see that a man needs to SEE how much you appreciate what he's doing, otherwise they think you're selfish. A man doesn't call his girlfriend beautiful every single day, even though he thinks she is. But if he never tells her she's pretty, she will feel ugly, but that doesn't necessarily mean thats how he feels. Same applies here.
Author TheSingleGuy Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Yes, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that all humans like a good massage. I even told this girl I've been seeing that I paid for a massage about a month ago and still, I haven't gotten one from her. Again, it isn't just her, but ALL the women I've been with. So I really don't think poorly of her, womankind is what is.
Feelsgoodman Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 You keep misinterpreting everything I write. I never said its okay to take advantage, I simply said that many women fail to see that a man needs to SEE how much you appreciate what he's doing, otherwise they think you're selfish. I'm not misunderstanding anything. I've never met a woman who was stupid enough to be that ignorant (and I've met a lot stupid, ignorant people in my life...) What you are referring to is feigned ignorance, born of self-serving convenience, not genuine failure to comprehend the dynamics of the situation. If a guy who never did anything for his wife except for f*cking her said "well, gee, I at least I'm satisfying her sexually and she seems happy enough...I had no idea she actually wanted me to show affection or take her out every once in a while!", would you actually believe him? Well, I don't believe you either.
Feelsgoodman Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Again, it isn't just her, but ALL the women I've been with. So I really don't think poorly of her, womankind is what is. Yes, many women will, given the chance, take you for a ride financially and abuse your generosity. However, you must not be afraid to draw a line in the sand and tell them that you ain't no sugar daddy. Ditto for expressing your dissatisfaction with her performance in bed. There is nothing wrong with telling a woman that she needs to step her game up.
Alma Mobley Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Dropping "hints" in relationships to get what you want is always a bad idea. If a man told me that he'd gone to a masseuse a month ago, I would in no way think that means he wants a massage from me in lieu of a blow job. You need to be direct about what you want and don't hint around. Yes, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that all humans like a good massage. I even told this girl I've been seeing that I paid for a massage about a month ago and still, I haven't gotten one from her. Again, it isn't just her, but ALL the women I've been with. So I really don't think poorly of her, womankind is what is.
Hot Chick Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I have small, feminine hands and have been told that I don't give massages hard enough. I try my hardest, but your hands get extremely tired and actually start hurting, and the guy still isn't that satisfied. If this woman actually did give you a massage, you would be on here griping that this girl you were seeing gave you a lousy massage and didn't try hard enough.
Author TheSingleGuy Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 ++++If a man told me that he'd gone to a masseuse a month ago, I would in no way think that means he wants a massage from me++++ So, your boyfriend is paying other women for a massage, and you would not be able to connect the dots that he wants YOU to give him a massage. You'd never see a) he likes massage and b.) he's paying other women for massage and therefore conclude c.) I will give him a massage. C would never be connected to A & B in a woman's mind. Interesting. Ok, so, I leave it to her, with no hints, other than to indicate I like massage, and her choice is to not volunteer a massage. So, then, I drop a hint that I want a massage by telling her I just paid another woman to give me a massage. Still, no massage. It sounds like these women are selfish to me. I suppose I could TELL HER I want a massage, but what I'd really like to find is a woman who AUTOMATICALLY volunteers something because SHE WANTS TO. Not because I'm telling her to. No woman's ever had to TELL ME to go down on her. It's just something I know she'll like and I want to please her. Pleasing her makes me feel good. I guess pleasing a man isn't a priority with women. It's all about them.
Feelsgoodman Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I have small, feminine hands and have been told that I don't give massages hard enough. I try my hardest, but your hands get extremely tired and actually start hurting, and the guy still isn't that satisfied. If this woman actually did give you a massage, you would be on here griping that this girl you were seeing gave you a lousy massage and didn't try hard enough. I guess you are kind of like a guy with a small penis...you'll have to compensate with skill and technique for your lacking physical attributes By the way, I used to date a woman who gave killer massages and she was very petite and had small hands too. So your excuse is 100% BS. Your hands get tired because you have limp wrists, not because the hands themselves are "small and feminine". I suggest you take up tennis or squash...or work out with weights.
FrustratedStandards Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 If a guy who never did anything for his wife except for f*cking her said "well, gee, I at least I'm satisfying her sexually and she seems happy enough...I had no idea she actually wanted me to show affection or take her out every once in a while!", would you actually believe him? Well, I don't believe you either. lol okay im done here, you're obviously never gonna get it All my men are happy. That says enough for me.
stillafool Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 First of all STOP paying for all the dates. This is 2011 and if she really likes you she will go dutch or pay in full sometimes. You DON't have to give oral everytime you have sex with them if you don't want to. Just kiss them and do they deed. Stop being so nice and please yourself.
Feelsgoodman Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 All my men are happy. That says enough for me. Haha, a freudian slip?
Hot Chick Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I guess you are kind of like a guy with a small penis...you'll have to compensate with skill and technique for your lacking physical attributes By the way, I used to date a woman who gave killer massages and she was very petite and had small hands too. So your excuse is 100% BS. Your hands get tired because you have limp wrists, not because the hands themselves are "small and feminine". I suggest you take up tennis or squash...or work out with weights. I don't have an "excuse" it's just we are not good at everything. Giving good massages is not a be all end all. I do strength training. I've never had it in a relationship where the guy said "hey, it's a make it or break it thing, it's expected that anyone I'm dating be good at giving massages." I have given them, have just been told that they are not strong enough. Big whoop. Plus if a guy is paying a professional, then why should I think I could be as good as a professional masseuse who has had education and earned a license to do so in that field? It's like a guy who says "Hey, I got my haircut last week." does that mean he wants me to give him a haircut next time? LOL
Recommended Posts